Feel Again (Louis Tomlinson)

{Book 3 - COMPLETE} All Marley Pennington wanted to do since her freshman year of high school was to turn her life around. To be someone she always wanted to be, and when she gets her dream job, everything seems to be headed in the right direction.
But Louis Tomlinson is another story. He's alone, afraid, and just wanting everything to go back to normal, before everything was ruined. Marley, a well-liked and cheery person tries to change Louis' look on life and love.

"Yeah with you
I can feel again
I'm feeling better ever since you know me
I was a lonely soul but that's the old me"

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34. Louis

Chapter 34 - Louis

Marley has been gone for three days. We have already done our two nights in Pittsburg and we are getting on the bus any minute now to leave for the airport. Our flight goes directly to New York City. I always look forward to going there. All the people and the city are amazing. It is for sure one of my favorite places in America. I notice that I am happier now that I am in love and I don't think that everything is horrible. The thought of her isn't enough. I need her. I realized that too late but now I see just how much I love her, have loved her. Things have changed for the better since she came into my life and I am a real classic fool for not seeing it before. What hurts the most is knowing I hurt her yet she still loves me. How could she possibly love me?

I need to see her. I need to hear her voice. Calling her would be better than not knowing how she is doing. She has a lot of issues at home and I should be there for her. I should have gone with her...but I couldn't. Not with my demanding job.

"Louis, are you ready to go?" Parker asks me. Everyone is getting their things to get on the bus.

"Yeah, give me one second," I reply and take out my phone. I didn't call her earlier 'cause I thought I had bothered her enough, but I can't live without her, I can't stay away. I press her name and the phone rings four times before she picks up.

"Louis?" She answers. I can tell by the tone of her voice that she wasn't expecting my call.

"Hi," I breathe. I let out a breath at the sound of her voice. I miss her so God damn much.

"Why are you calling me?" She asks.

I frown. "Do you not want me to?"

She pauses before saying, "No, of course I want you to. I just didn't think you would."

"Why not?" Is she serious? Does she really think that I don't want to talk to her? "Do you think that I don't want to hear from you?"

"How can you expect me to answer that? Things are so hot and cold with you. I don't know anymore," she says quietly. She is tired of my shit. "But that doesn't mean I don't love you."

I want to tell her I love her, but it can't be over the phone. "Oh," I reply stupidly. "I thought you didn't want to see me anymore." From the way she left I thought that when she came back whatever it was that we had was going to be over.

Marley sighs. "How many times do I have to tell you I love you for you to believe me? I can't fall out of love with you overnight, Louis. I'm not going to ask you how you feel because I know you won't give me a real answer. I know you know how you feel about me...about us, but I also know you're too big of a coward to tell me."

She thinks I'm a fucking mess. She thinks I'm an idiot, a coward, a wuss. I am, but hearing it from her doesn't make it hurt any less. "I know, I'm sorry. I fucked up and...I just need you here. When are you coming back?"

"...I'm packing my bag, actually."

I nearly drop my phone. "What?"

"You're going to be in New York City, correct? I should meet you at the airport. I talked to Liam before I left and we worked out our flights so I should meet you on the bus to take you to the venue."

I can't stop the wide smile from forming on my lips. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was going to," she whispers. "I just don't know where we stand."

"Does everyone else know you're coming back?"

"Yes," she answers, "I told them yesterday."

I frown again. Everyone knew but me. It's been the longest hours without her and time is going to go by so fucking slowly knowing that when I get off that plane she is going to be waiting for me. "I'll see you in New York, right?"

"I'll see you in New York, Louis."

I pause before saying, "I miss you." She doesn't answer. Fuck. Shit. Why did I say that? Oh yeah, because it's true.

"I miss you too," she says quietly and I think I may start jumping up and down. What has gotten into me? Ever since I admitted to myself that I love her I feel like doing all the things I used to before Eleanor and I broke up. She...fixed me. I was a broken toy and she made me work again.

"Louis! Let's go, mate. We can't miss our flight," Liam comes up next to me. I want to say goodbye to Marley but I see that she has already hung up. "What's gotten into you?" He asks, seeing my smile.

"Nothing, Liam," I grin and clap a hand on his shoulder.

I walk past him and get on the bus, willing it to go faster. The faster the bus drives the quicker we get to the airport. The quicker we get to the airport the sooner we get to New York. And the sooner we get to New York, the sooner I get to see the woman I love.

*****

After what seems like forever and a day, we are on our flight to John F. Kennedy International Airport. I have the window seat and on my right is Niall. Next to him is Zayn. In front of us are Amabel and Harry. Liam, Parker, and Paul are across the aisle. I have checked my phone probably ten times in the past three minutes. My eyes are focused on the clouds below, and as fast as this plane is moving, I don't feel any closer to Marley. I am getting anxious at the thought of being around her. What will happen when I see her? Will she kiss me and tell me how much she's missed me as much as I've missed her? Will she ignore me? Will she slap me for being an idiot? Do I tell her I love her? I know she loves me and I am going to tell her, I just don't want to if she is going to tell me I am too late.

"Hey, Niall, can we switch seats for a minute?" Parker asks Niall. "I need to talk to Louis."

"Sure, of course." Niall gets up and pretty soon the brunette girl is next to me.

"Hey, Louis," she gives me a soft smile.

"Hi."

"I know," she says quietly and suggestively, like she doesn't want anyone to hear.

I look around us. "Know what?"

"I know you love her."

"L-Love who?" I stutter, playing dumb.

Parker whacks me. "You know who. I do, too."

I frown and look at my hands. "I do, alright?"

She gives me a wide smile. "Tell me why."

"What?"

"Tell me why you love her. If you can give me three reasons, I'll know you're telling the truth and this isn't some rebound for you?"

"It's not a rebound," I snap.

"Prove it."

I sigh. Why do I love Marley Pennington? As I answer, I stare out the window and picture her right next to me. "She's beautiful," I say softly, "inside and out. Outside...she looks gorgeous every day. Even when she's not trying she takes my breath away. I try to deny it, but it's impossible. She wears makeup and puts effort into her appearance. I wanted to tell her loads of times that she doesn't need it, but I never did. Right when she wakes up, she makes me think how can someone look this amazing at six a.m.? On the inside, she is the strongest, most confident and level headed person I have ever met. Terrible things have happened to her, but she never gives up on what she believes in. Who else would put off college to follow their dream? She's stronger than me in so many ways and sometimes I wonder how someone like her could love someone like me. She's funny, even when she isn't trying to be that either. The things that she does are funny, even the simplest of things. When we play video games she gets so into the game and I could watch her for hours. She cares so deeply about everyone and everything, it's amazing to watch. She is...just different. She keeps a journal and loves romantic movies and boy bands and her family and her friends. But there's one thing that tops all of that," I say, looking at Parker, who's never worn a bigger smile, "she's there for me. When I thought no one else was going to fix me, or give two shits about me, there she was. With a smile on her face and her head held high, she...cared for me. I know she still does. That's why I love her: because she loves me, when I thought no one else would."

Parker looks at me with tears in her eyes and says, "You, Louis Tomlinson, are made for this girl."

I can't stop smiling now. "Really?"

She nods.

"I have you to thank," I say.

Parker tilts her head in confusion. "How?"

"If you hadn't met her that one day, I wouldn't have either."

Parker throws her arms around me. "I'm so happy for you Louis," she says.

"Me too, mate," Zayn interjects. "Go get her."

"I'm sorry for being an ass all the time," I apologize. I lashed out on the people that cared about me this whole time as a way of dealing with my self-pity. I'm the most pathetic person I've ever known.

"We get it, mate. Everyone goes through a bad breakup," Zayn says.

I frown. But I've been so unreasonable. "If I were you I would have punched me a long time ago," I smile.

"We were close to loads of times." Zayn laughs.

"You should call her." Parker says.

"I should?" I ask. "Why?"
"I know you miss her and I don't want you telling her everything you told me over the phone, but just say you need to talk to her. That way, when we get to New York she won't think that you want to ignore her or something."

"Why would she think that?" After everything I've told her, if Marley thinks that I won't want to see her she is insane.

"I don't know, girls come up with the worst possible scenarios in their heads. Trust me, I've done it," Parker reassures me.

"Okay, I'll call her." I sigh, getting out my phone. "Thanks, Parker."

"No problem, Louis. I know things will work out for you." She gives me a one shoulder hug and then returns to her seat. Before Niall can take his original place, I get up and go to the bathroom for some privacy. I don't need the lads teasing me.

"Hello?" Marley answers when I dial her number.

"Hi," I breathe. "How are you doing?"

"Fine, good. Aren't you on your plane?"

"Yes, we should be landing in a little less than one hour." I inform her. "Where are you?"

"I'm on my plane, too. Yours left about twenty minutes before mine so you will land before I do."

I don't like the thought of landing in New York City and her not waiting there for me but I know I will see her soon. "Is everything okay with Violet?"

Marley sighs. "I think so. She is having her baby in less than two months and I'm terrified and I have no clue what to do. I know nothing about babies, Louis. What if she needs me and I can't help her because I'm not good with pregnant women?" She is freaking out and if it wasn't such a serious topic I would laugh at her. 

I stop her and tell her to take a deep breath before saying the words that she once said to me, "It's okay to be scared, right?"

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