Feel Again (Louis Tomlinson)

{Book 3 - COMPLETE} All Marley Pennington wanted to do since her freshman year of high school was to turn her life around. To be someone she always wanted to be, and when she gets her dream job, everything seems to be headed in the right direction.
But Louis Tomlinson is another story. He's alone, afraid, and just wanting everything to go back to normal, before everything was ruined. Marley, a well-liked and cheery person tries to change Louis' look on life and love.

"Yeah with you
I can feel again
I'm feeling better ever since you know me
I was a lonely soul but that's the old me"


28. Louis

Chapter 28 - Louis

The last show in Cleveland was last night and it was absolutely brilliant. Something about that performance was amazing. We are now headed to Philadelphia. I love that city, personally.

This morning was very casual and everyone woke up around the same time. We had breakfast and now we are just diffused around the bus in various places, doing various things. I'm in my bunk. I only got up to get food. The more I can avoid Marley, the better. I am itching to get out of this small space and go be around her but something is making me stay. It's bloody annoying.

"Hey Louis? Can you come here for a second?" Parker is calling me.

I groan and roll out of my bunk, almost hitting the floor. I have the middle bunk. "Coming," I call back. "What's going on?" I ask when I see Parker, Amabel, Niall and Harry in front of the TV.

"I think we broke it." Harry says.

"Broke what?" I frown.

"The football video game," Niall replies, bowing his head.

"It's soccer." Parker corrects him.

"For you it is. For us it's football." Harry says.

"Wait, you think you broke my FIFA game?" I gape. If they did, someone was going to get thrown off this bus...while it's in motion.

The four of them nod. "We were just playing and it froze, so Niall starting pushing random buttons on the controller and then the screen went black and the game won't come out and we don't know what to do." Amabel said in one breath. Harry kisses her temple.

I take a deep breath. I am going to lose my shit. Yes, it's a video game and I am acting like a child but they shouldn't have done that. That game is the only thing I am perfect at doing, I could have easily fixed it. Damn it, Niall. I am about to cuss someone out when Marley walks in the room. She is wearing pink pajama pants and a white tank top, her hair in a bun.

"What's broken?" She asks.

"Louis' soccer game," Parker says.

"Football!" Harry protests loudly.

"Oh," Marley smiles. "I'll see what I can do."

"You know this stuff?" I ask. Is she serious?

"Well it can't be that difficult." She gives me a shy smile and I step back.

Marley kneels down in front of the game console, pushes a few buttons, pulls a few plugs and none of us can believe it when the FIFA game comes out and the screen comes on. "How did you do that?" Harry asks in disbelief.

"I unplugged it, plugged it back in, turned it on again." She answers. There is no doubt the rest of us feel bloody stupid.

"Thanks," I mumble, not meeting her gaze.

"You're welcome." She smiles brightly. Her lips press against my cheek and then she walks out of the room, leaving Harry, Amabel, Parker and Niall with wide eyes and I uncomfortable.

"What was that?" Niall asks.

"Nothing," I shake my head.

"Are you two together or something?" Harry questions.

"No," I scowl.

"It seems like it. After that and the fact that she fancies you..."

"Well we're not, alright?" I'm getting annoyed, but I can't ignore the feeling inside me when I realize that we do seem like we're together. She is always kissing me, even if it's only on the cheek. We have slept together, and every one on this bus knows it, I assume. The lads and the girls can tell that I am...different when Marley is around. I'm not as much of a dick and I know it as much as they do. I don't know why that is, she just makes me...better, I guess.

The rest of the day is spent traveling. This drive is taking longer than I thought it would. I long for some fresh air and even when I open the window slightly it's not helping. This bus is becoming smaller and smaller. We make a few stops so the driver can have some sleep. During that time we get food. Before long, the sun is setting and we are about half an hour away from Philadelphia.

I keep thinking about what Marley wrote in her journal about me. She defined love and said she couldn't stop thinking about me. Guilt still follows me because I read something I shouldn't, but I am glad I did for some reason. That thought is enough for me to find her on the bus. She is lying in her bunk alone. A pen is in her hand as she scribbles something down in her pink diary.

"Hi," I say. It's really fucking pathetic how I tell her I don't fancy her, but I come around like this at random times because I feel lonely.

"Hey," She smiles, closing her journal and capping the pen. "How are you?"

"Fine," I mutter. I haven't seen much of her today and I am so used to her being around. "I haven't seen you."

She sighs, and jumps down. The space between the bunks is small, so there is only about five inches between our bodies. "I'm sorry. I was...busy I guess. I haven't written in my journal in a while."

I decide to play stupid. "You keep a journal?"

Marley shrugs. "Yeah. Sounds lame, I know, but I write almost everything down in there."

"Like what?" I don't want her knowing I know what's written.

"None of your business," she smirks. "Anyways, I talked to Cassie on the phone last night."

"Really?" I laugh. I actually kind of miss her.

"Yeah. I'll tell her you said hello."

"Okay..." I trail off. I don't know what possessed me to say this, but before I can change my mind, I blurt, "So have you crossed the finish line yet?"

Her head snaps up at me and her eyes are cold, hands falling to her sides. My eyes widen when I realize what I just said. She knows I read her journal. She said that she was walking to the finish line, the finish line being love.


"What...did you say?" She says through gritted teeth.

I gulp and take a step back, and she takes one forward. "Nothing. I didn't say anything. I swear."

Her fists ball at her sides and she actually looks frightening. "Louis Tomlinson." Her voice is low and slow, making a chill run up my spine. "Did you say what I think you just said?"

I nod. The last thing I want is to lie to her about this. I'm already a dead man. "I'm sorry, okay?"

"When did you read it?" Her face seems like it is permanently reflecting a frown and I feel terrible.

"Indianapolis," I whisper, looking at the floor.

She lets out a breath and when I look at her, she doesn't look angry. She looks hurt. "Why would you do that?" Her voice rises with every word.

"I didn't go into your room with that intention!" I hope no one comes over.

"Then why did you come into my room?!" She is beyond pissed.

"I don't know...I guess I was looking for you." I admit.

"Bullshit," she spits, stepping closer. Her hands shove my chest. "You had no right! That is personal and private. You can look at my things, Louis! Don't you know that? Did you read it to make fun of me, to laugh in my face while I tell you my feelings for you?" She is screaming at me but her eyes are broken and she is fighting tears.

"No, I-"

"Save it! You're an asshole. I can't believe you! You were changing; I thought you were better than this! Go on, laugh at me. You've had your fun, alright? Laugh at me for following you around like a puppy, laugh at me for continuously coming back to you!" Tears stream down her face and I am frozen. "Laugh at me for loving you!"

My jaw drops. Did she just...

What the actual fuck?

She loves me? No fucking way that's the truth. But by the way her words are rushed I know she isn't lying to me. I know she likes me. I know that. I just never thought she would let herself fall completely. Not after what she told me about her freshman year of high school. She told me she was focusing on her work, and now here she is confessing her love. My head hurts and I don't know what to do.

"You...love me?" I gape.

"Yes! I do!" She cries and my heart shatters. "I am the world's biggest idiot, I know. You don't have to tell me."

"I...um. I wasn't-"

"Was it real?" She meets my eyes, hers glossy.

"Was what real?"

"This," her hand travels back and forth between us. "The kisses, the making love. Did you mean it or was I some rebound?"

I don't answer. I only watch as her expression goes from ice cold to absolutely heartbroken. It surprises us both when the bus comes to a stop. We are in Philadelphia. Being the asshole that I am, I turn on my heel and leave her standing there. When I get to the doors, everyone is staring at me with disappointed and angry looks. "What?" I spit at them. They don't know what I'm fucking going through.

We all leave the bus, everyone but Marley. She is last to come into the hotel we are staying at. Paul gets us our room keys from the front desk and we call wait in the lobby. No one says a word to me and I feel so awkward, so lonely. I deserve it though. 

My head snaps to the doors as I see Marley coming in, a bag is over her shoulder and she is pulling a suitcase. She doesn't even look in my direction as she walks past and enters the bathroom, the door swinging closed behind her.

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