Feel Again (Louis Tomlinson)

{Book 3 - COMPLETE} All Marley Pennington wanted to do since her freshman year of high school was to turn her life around. To be someone she always wanted to be, and when she gets her dream job, everything seems to be headed in the right direction.
But Louis Tomlinson is another story. He's alone, afraid, and just wanting everything to go back to normal, before everything was ruined. Marley, a well-liked and cheery person tries to change Louis' look on life and love.

"Yeah with you
I can feel again
I'm feeling better ever since you know me
I was a lonely soul but that's the old me"


10. Louis

Chapter 10 - Louis

I really was not expecting to see Marley this morning. I assumed she would have gone home, but here she is now with us at the interview. I don’t even know why she’s here though, there’s no point. She is still expecting a phone call and I am pretty sure it’s going to be good news. Damn. If her getting the job means she’s going to be working with Lou then I regret ever wishing her good luck. Lou is literally with us constantly and that’s going to be Marley soon, too. Why me?

The interview goes smoothly and I forget about the blonde backstage. Parker and Amabel are here, too, but I like them. They’re my friends and I don’t need any more. When we leave the stage the lads diverge into different directions. Zayn makes a phone call, Niall goes outside and Liam and Harry sit down with their girlfriends. Marley is no where in sight and I sigh, feeling strangely anxious. I make my way down the hall to the dressing room where we changed into our clothes for the interview. Much to my surprise Marley wasn’t there. She isn’t officially hired yet but everyone seems to like her. It’s not like I was expecting her or anything.

When I open the door I am taken aback at the fact that I am not alone in this room. How did she even find this place? “What the hell is wrong with you?” Marley growls, stepping closer. The door swings shut on it’s own and I flinch when it slams shut.

“What are you talking about?” I spit, getting annoyed already. I didn’t do anything.

“You! You seem to have a problem with me and I’m not leaving this room until you tell me what it is.” She crosses her arms and sits down.

My eyes are wide with shock. Is she serious? “What makes you think I don’t like you?”

“You are so rude to me for no reason and I don’t like it. People just like me, Louis.” Marley huffs.

I scoff. “You’re mad at me because I don’t like you? Get over yourself! News flash: not everyone you meet is going to like you, even people you don’t know aren’t going to like you. Trust me! I know. You think every one in the world is at my feet? I don't fucking think so. There are people every day that tell me I'm ugly and that I should die.”

Her frown increases and I see tears brimming in her eyes. “But I was nice to you, I am nice to you! I gave you no reason to hate me!” Her voice raises and I realize we’re screaming at each other.

“I don’t hate you, alright? God, what is your problem?” I step closer, I’m so damn frustrated. “What’s so wrong with someone not liking you anyways? I’m sure you have someone you dislike.”

“I do, but I’m still civil to them, I’m not rude to them for no damn reason!” Her fists ball at her sides. I’ve never seen her this mad. What made her explode like this?

“What are you talking about?” I don’t know what else to say, she’s being completely irrational and it caught me off guard.

“The café. We talked, and I thought we could be friends or something. You told me something and I told you something, although you probably don’t remember that.” Our voices have gone  down to a lower register.

“I remember,” I whisper truthfully. Despite the amount of alcohol I had, I clearly remember our conversation. “But don’t think that because we had story time that we’re automatically best friends.” My voice turns cold again.

Her eyes fill with what looks like sadness. What? “I don’t think that, but I was hoping we could become that, friends that is. I care about you, and that’s what friends do.”

I can’t hold it back; I laugh. I laugh at those words. “You care about me?” Is she serious? “Why?”

Her blue eyes lock with mine. “I don’t know.” Her tone is flat.

“I think we should just forget the conversation even happened.” I tell her.

Marley starts to get annoyed again. “What? No, I don’t want that. I told you something about my friend that I haven’t repeated to anyone else, the least you could do is pretend like I exist. And don’t be afraid to let me in, I want to be here for you.”

“No you don’t!” I shout and pull at my hair. “You don’t care about me, you shouldn’t! I don’t want you to! How can you expect me to care about you, all of your dreams are coming true and mine aren’t?!” When I was younger I dreamt that I would have a girlfriend and have everything figured out. I thought I would be happy, but everything is a mess.

Marley’s body freezes and her fists ball at her sides. She doesn’t say anything, but if looks could kill I would be dead right now. “Are you fucking serious?” Her voice is ice cold and it’s enough to send a chill up my spine. She takes a step towards me slowly, looking as if she’s about to kill me. “How can you possibly say that?” She spits. “You’re living the dream. People would kill to have your job, be able to do the things that you do. And you have the fucking nerve to say you’re dreams aren’t coming true?” Marley’s hands connect with my chest and I stumble back a little. “You don’t want this then? You don’t want to have one of the best jobs in the world? Fine! Go back home to England, I’m sure it’s much better to sit in an office than doing what I know you love the most!” Tears of anger rush down her face as she pushes me again.

I am frozen with shock. I take another step back, making me up against the door. Her hitting me, yelling at me, and what she just said took me by surprise. She’s right. This is what I love the most and no matter how tired I get I wouldn’t want to be doing anything else. I would give anything to do this, to be with my band mates and perform for people. That’s why I signed up for X-Factor, to do what I’m doing now. “You’re right.” I whisper.

Her head snaps up. “What?”

“You’re right,” I repeat. “I’m sorry, I was out of line. After how rude I have been to you since we met I don’t know why you care about me. I wouldn’t care about me if I were you.”

She steps closer. “But you’re not.” We are less than a foot apart. “And I do, care about you, that is. You have nothing to worry about from me. We can be friends, Louis. That’s what I want, I don’t know what else you want me to say.” Marley is leaning into me now, our faces only inches apart. My head is clouded from everything she just told me and I hardly notice our lips inching closer and closer.

Wait, what?

No. “Friends. Okay.” I breathe, stepping away from her. She lowers her head and tries to smile at me.

I grimace. I almost feel bad not wanting to try to be friends with me, she really has showed me that she’s not a bitch. She’s annoying at times, yes, but I feel like she understands me. How weird is that? “Yeah, I guess…”

“Good,” she says.

Since I don’t know what to say next, I push off the wall, yank open the door and leave the room. That kiss was not going to happen. I don’t want it to anyways. Didn’t I? I tell myself that she did not look beautiful, that her lips did not look inviting.


What’s wrong with me? I told myself I wouldn’t have these feelings. They shouldn’t even be here. I don’t want a relationship with her or anything. I don’t even like her. Fortunately, my type is long brown hair. I scowl and pull at my hair. I find the parking lot and my car, only I don’t start the ignition. I sit there, staring out the window, thinking.

What would have happened if I kissed her? I don’t know, she probably would have thought we were together or something. Hell no, that’s not going to happen. I don’t want a relationship, I’m done with those for a long time. I’m sure one day I’ll get married but the thought of the possibility that someone would leave me again makes me want to scream.

I sigh and start the car, heading back to the bus. Thankfully no one asks where I was when I get there, I just go to my bunk and do pointless things on my phone, basically doing anything to get Marley out of my head. The thought of her lips on mine is too confusing to handle. It’s completely ridiculous but at the same time I am curios. They look so… I can’t do it. I can’t picture kissing her. It would break my promise to myself about not dating, not getting involved like that with girls. I am doing this to protect myself, I am sure I’ll thank myself for it one day. I both dread and look forward to that day.

“Shit,” I whisper to myself and hit the wall next to me. It hurts, and I cradle my hand.

A head of black hair appears on my left. “Are you alright mate?”

“Yes,” I say to Zayn. “Bad day.”

“Yeah, you’ve been having a lot of those lately,” he mutters under his breath. I don’t think he knows I know what he said, but I roll my eyes and then close them, putting a pillow over my head, trying to muffle my own messed up thoughts of kisses and blonde curly hair.

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