Feel Again (Louis Tomlinson)

{Book 3 - COMPLETE} All Marley Pennington wanted to do since her freshman year of high school was to turn her life around. To be someone she always wanted to be, and when she gets her dream job, everything seems to be headed in the right direction.
But Louis Tomlinson is another story. He's alone, afraid, and just wanting everything to go back to normal, before everything was ruined. Marley, a well-liked and cheery person tries to change Louis' look on life and love.

"Yeah with you
I can feel again
I'm feeling better ever since you know me
I was a lonely soul but that's the old me"

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6. Louis

Chapter 6 - Louis

What the bloody hell is wrong with me? Why am I here with here, and more importantly, why am I telling her things I haven't even told my best mates? I met her probably a week ago, and now we're swapping secrets? Is this real?

But a part of me doesn't care. She's caring for me and I did nothing to deserve it. Back on the bus when she brought me pain killers, shut the blinds and took me here just for this tea, which is helping, I can't stop staring at her, waiting for her to give up the "nice guy" act. Nobody is this nice towards someone they just met; nobody. 

But then again, here I am, sitting across from this girl-Marley. Although I know that no matter how much I tell her, it won't change what happened between Eleanor and I, and it won't make her want me back, but I can't seem to hold back. Letting it all out seems to be the key to figuring it all out, even though I'll probably never know. That's the killer, not knowing. Was it my fault?

That's how I get on the road to saying; "I'm sure you probably know that I had a girlfriend. We broke up six months ago, and the relationship lasted a long time...two years. Two bloody years." Marley's eyes meet mine and I notice how blue they are, like mine. "I was in love. The day that we broke up, I got up in the morning and thought it was just another day with the one I was meant for."

"What happened?" Marley asks.

It's weird retelling the story, I've only had to do it once. The lads and Amabel were there. In fact, Amabel and Eleanor were close, but once we were over they lost contact. Good riddance. 

"We, meaning Amabel the lads and I were out. It was a Wednesday." Even to this day I remember the day of the week. Pathetic, right? "She was with us and she was acting very strange, she had been for a little while. I didn't think anything of it until these guys came..." A lump rose in my throat as Marley's blue eyes met mine and all I saw in hers were sympathy. Too bad I didn't need it. "He called her name, and when she looked to see who it was...she started freaking out. I asked her if she knew him, and the guy said, 'Is this the boyfriend you told me about?' That's when I knew something was up. Nothing felt right."

Marley tries to grab my hand but I move it away. "I'm sorry," she whispers.

I ignore her. "She tried to get him to leave, but he started yelling at her and I stood up for her. I can't believe I defended her."

"You didn't know what she did...what did she do?"

"The guy said, 'You didn't tell him, did you?'. The look on her face was just...terrible. I asked her what he was talking about, but he told me before she could say anything worth listening to." I hold back tears. What the fuck is wrong with me, crying in a public place? This is so fucking lame. "He told me that she had been cheating on me for three weeks.

"Let's just say I did not handle it well and left, despite her telling me that she didn't mean to. How big of a load of shit it that?" I laugh humorlessly. Marley lets a single tear escape. "Why are you crying?"

"I don't know," she chuckles. "I'm sorry, Louis, I really am."

I sigh and fiddle with my fingers. "I don't even know why she did it. Did I do something wrong?"

"I seriously doubt that." She smiles slightly at me. She grasps my hand this time and I try to pull away but she isn't having it. "You're not the only that it happened to. That same thing."

My eyes widen. "Did someone do that to you?" The thought makes me angry.

"No, no, not me. My best friend." Her eyes lower. I can't find my words. "I don't want to bore you with the story. To make it shorter: the guy broke her heart and she showed him what he was missing."

"How?" I can't resist in asking.

Marley shrugs. "Actually, it wasn't her idea. It was her boyfriends, he asked her to Senior Prom in front of the whole school. Her ex was pissed and tried to take her back, but she cursed him out, he left running like baby." She laughs and I smile. That sounds like something I would love to do.

"You saw it happen?"

"Hell, yeah. It was very amusing and I was so proud of her. She showed me that no matter what happens to you, no matter who brings you down, you're always going to be better than the person who took advantage of you."

"What goes around comes around." I mutter.

She smiles. "Exactly. I don't let anyone get to me, because I deserve to be happy, everyone does."

I shake my head. "I still don't know how you do it." I admit. 

"Do what?" She titles her head like a dog.

"Be...happy. Unless you had a wonderful time growing up?"

"No," she frowns. "No I didn't have a wonderful time growing up. From ages 13 to 15 I wish didn't exist. But the past is the past and what happens after that is what matters, what you make of who you become lets the person or people know what they did you to you. If you become a mess, then they've won. You'll know it and they'll know it. Giving them the satisfaction of winning is the worst; they'll keep doing it."

I stare at her. How the hell did she come up with that? I now understand why she is so happy. This is the most serious I've ever seen her. For the short time that I have known Marley Pennington, I feel like I know her. I don't like it though, it's not safe. I don't want any new people coming into my life. What if they don't like me, and they leave, not giving me an explanation like Eleanor did? I don't think I would be able to handle that again.

"Wow," I scoff. "You're smart."

Her eyes widen. "Did you just compliment me, Louis?"

"No, no I didn't." I deny. I don't want her thinking I like her, because I don't. I really, really don't. In fact, she's really annoying, acting like the deep conversation we just had did not occur. "I think we should go back to the bus."

Marley frowns. "Okay, if that's what you want."

I nod, and we drive back. I go to my bunk without saying thank you. Whatever. She's nice, too nice so I'm sure she won't mind. I run into Harry and he gives me a questioning look.

"Where were you mate?" He asks.

"Somewhere I shouldn't have been." I mutter. Just having that conversation reminded me of all the things I wanted to forget.

I snuggle into my bunk and all I can hear is the hum of trh air conditioner and the murmur of voices in the lounge. No matter how much I try to block them out, I can't. It's like everyone is laughing at me for being the ignorant and oblivious boyfriend who was made a fool. It's fucking embarrassing.

Everyone had something to say. The lads were so sympathetic it made me gag. Did they not understand that telling me they were sorry did nothing? It didn't change what happened. The fans. Some where happy, saying it opened up the door for Harry and I. Bullshit. Others were sad and told me they wish Eleanor and I would get back together. These people, whether I knew them or not, was a constant reminder of what I lost, and I fucking hated it. Now, today, it's not so bad. 

Talking with Marley was the first time in a long time that I opened up. I hate it. I was doing so good at not thinking of Eleanor, and for some reason, as soon as this blonde girl shows up I'm telling my fucking sob story? I don't think so. Saying those things that I did makes it seem like I'm weak again, like I was for the first two months. I don't want to go back to that place again. I would never admit this out loud, ever, but I'm scared of going back to the days of crying and hiding away to be alone. I'm afraid.

Usually, it hurts to talk about Eleanor, but for a reason that I don't know, when I talk to Marley, it doesn't hurt as bad.
 

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