Learning to Love

Chanlyr is a normal 17 year old girl. She goes to high school, has lots of friends, and is a very happy person. Well, thats what she wants people to think. Her life is a living hell. Her dad passed away when she was 9 and ever since then her mom hasn't really been there for her. She has been in and out of relationships and they have all ended horribly. Chanlyr hates herself. She has an eating disorder and self harms. But no one knows about that part of Chanlyr. She keeps that part of her life well hidden. But when she lets a boy knock down the walls she has built up around her, will he find out? Will he try and help? Or will he run away from the mess that is Chanlyr's life?

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2. Hate

I opened the front door to my house and stepped inside. I hoped my mom wasn't home but was disappointed as I shuffled into the living room to a blonde haired woman sprawled out on our brown leather sofa. I glanced at the clock. Passed out drunk and it wasn't even 5 o'clock. I rolled my eyes and walked past her and to my room. I locked my door behind me and fell back onto my bed, staring up at the ceiling. I hadn't eaten anything in at least 3 days and no one had even noticed. No one cared. My mom was too busy drinking. My friends were too busy hanging out with other people. My dad was the only one who ever cared. I missed him so much. When I was 9 years old, he was on his was to pick me up from school. He never made it to my school that day. He was hit by driver who had run a red light. He was pronounced dead almost immediately. It was all my fault. I am the reason he is dead. I let a tear fall from the corner of my eye and slowly drip down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away and sat up, staring at the box that sat on my dresser. I slid off the side of my bed and onto my feet. I picked up the box and flipped off the lid, revealing the pile of blades sitting inside. I lightly picked one up and flipped it over in my hand. I looked down at my wrist, the red and white marks that covered it. I took the blade and put the cool metal against my skin. I pressed down and dragged it across the pale surface. A red line appeared and small dots pooled along it. I pushed the blade into my arm and pulled across again. And again. And again. I couldn't stop. My arm was dripping blood and the tears were streaming down my face. I dropped the blade and collapsed on the cold, hard, ground. I let it all out. I couldn't deal with the pain I was feeling any other way than more pain. It was my way to cope. 

I dont know how long I stayed in my crouched position on my bedroom floor but I was broken out of my self hatred by a buzzing sound coming from my phone. I slowly pulled myself off the wood floor and picked up my phone with a blood stained hand. 

From: (number)

Hey, Niall gave me your number(: Just wanted to know if you wanted to go out for dinner sometime with me? -Harry xx

I groaned. I really liked Harry but I couldn't. The last thing I was gonna do is eat in front of a guy I liked and show him how fat I really am. I tried to think of a way out of it but none of my excuses sounded very good. I decided to just not reply and pretend I never got the text. I threw my phone down on my bed and collapsed back into my spot on the floor.

_________________________________________

I pushed my earbuds into my ears and turned my music up, drowning out any noise around me. I pulled my tennis shoes on and laced them up. I walked out my front door and began to jog down the driveway. The cool morning air hit my face as the wind blew my hair back. My muscles groaned for me to stop and sit down, but my brain screamed 'You're too fat for a break'. I forced my legs to push myself harder as I ran across the black asphalt. 

I lost track of time and before I knew it I was 4 miles away from home. I slowed to a walk and turned my music down, looking around at my surroundings. I decided to turn around and run back home. I looked down at my feet moving one after another. Right, left, right, left. I looked up just in time to run into a solid figure. 

"Oh! Sorry" I exclaimed backing up, not realizing who I had run into. I looked up into those familiar green eyes. 

"Hey, Chanlyr!" he smiled, dimples popping. "Did you get my text?" he asked. I shook my head no, trying to act genuine. He looked disappointed and I felt bad. "Oh, well I was wondering if you wanted to go out to dinner with me sometime?" He paused. "I mean if you don't want to thats fine,  you don't have to, its totally up to you-" 

"I'd love to, Harry" I interrupted him, already regretting it. A huge grin covered his face and I couldn't help but smile back. A true, genuine smile. I hadn't smiled for real in so long and it felt. . . good. I loved the feeling. 

"How bout tomorrow night? I'll pick you up around 6?" He asked, still grinning. I nodded.

"See you then" I said before shoving my earbuds back into my ears and running in the opposite direction of Harry.

What have i gotten myself into?

 

 

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