Learning to Love

Chanlyr is a normal 17 year old girl. She goes to high school, has lots of friends, and is a very happy person. Well, thats what she wants people to think. Her life is a living hell. Her dad passed away when she was 9 and ever since then her mom hasn't really been there for her. She has been in and out of relationships and they have all ended horribly. Chanlyr hates herself. She has an eating disorder and self harms. But no one knows about that part of Chanlyr. She keeps that part of her life well hidden. But when she lets a boy knock down the walls she has built up around her, will he find out? Will he try and help? Or will he run away from the mess that is Chanlyr's life?


3. First Date

I glanced at the time on my phone. Harry was picking me up in 5 minutes for our date. I had my hair straightened, makeup applied, and was wearing a pair of denim shorts with a floral strapless top. I took a deep breath. I had no clue how I was gonna make it through this date but there was no backing out now. I took one last quick look at myself in my full length mirror and sighed. I don't even know why Harry would want to hang out with me anyways... Im so disgusting. I weigh a ton, my hair is a mess, and my face is just downright ugly. Harry is perfect. Muscular, brown glowing curls, bright green eyes. He was gorgeous. I was the opposite. 

A heard a knock at the front door. I grabbed my purse and rushed to the door. I took another deep breath, forced my mouth into a smile, and adjusted my top, before opening the door to a beaming curly haired boy. 

"Y-You look beautiful" He stammered. I smiled. Obviously he was lying. How could I be beautiful? He held his hand out and I grabbed it. I loved the feeling of his large hand engulfing my small one. He led me to his car and opened the door for me to get in. 


"What can I get you to drink?" The waitress asked once we were seated.

"I'll have a coke" Harry ordered.

"I'll just have a water" I told her after him. The waitress walked off to get our drinks leaving us alone. I picked up the menu sitting in front of me and flipped it open. I looked through the different entrees. They all had so many calories and were so big. I knew I would never be able to finish one let alone keep it down. I settled on a chicken caesar salad, knowing it wasn't full of fat. I slid my menu back down on the table after making my decision. Harry did the same.

"S-So where did you move from?" I asked hesitantly.

"I used to live in Holmes Chapel but my mum got a job in London so we moved here" He explained. I nodded understandingly.

"So do you have any siblings?" I questioned.

"I have an older sister, Gemma" 

"Here you go" The waitress said before setting our drinks down in front of us. "So have you decided what you wanted yet?"

"Yes, I'll have the chicken parmesan" Harry told the girl and she quickly scribbled it down.

"Um, I want the chicken caesar salad" I ordered. She jotted it down and then walked off, taking our menus. 

"You not hungry?" Harry questioned.

"No not really" I lied with a shrug. He nodded.

"So what about you, have any siblings?" He asked.

"Nope, I'm an only child" 

"Wow that must be nice!"

"Not when you basically have to live on your own because you have a horrible mum.." I explained. His eyebrows raised. 

"I'm sure she's not that horrible. What about your dad?" He asked. I looked down. I was really hoping this question wouldn't come up, but of course it did. 

"Um, he uh- he passed away when i was 9" I said quietly, still looking down. 

"Oh..Im so sorry, Chanlyr" he reached his arm across the table and put his hand over mine. I looked up into his eyes. He looked concerned. 

"Its fine, it was a long time ago" I reassured him. He squeezed my hand gently before pulling away. I felt so safe with Harry. It felt good to be around him. I've never felt this way around any other guy. He made me feel like I could trust him with anything. I shook my head slightly. What was I thinking?! I've known this boy for all of two days. I pushed those thoughts from my mind. I couldn't have a relationship with Harry anyways. I can't let anyone else in. I've let too many people in and I just end up hurt in the end. I wouldn't let that happen again. 


The waitress walked towards our table carrying a tray with two plates on top. She set a salad in front of me and set Harrys meal in front of him. My eyes widened. The salad was huge! There was no way I was going to be able to even eat half of this. Harry grabbed his fork and took a bite of his food. I slowly pick up my fork and stabbed a piece of lettuce. I brought it to my mouth and forced it between my teeth. I made my jaw move up and down, slowly chewing, before letting it slide down my throat. I took a sip of water before poking at a piece of chicken. I looked up at Harry and noticed him looking at me. I didn't want to look like a freak so I picked the chicken up with my fork and put it in my mouth. I chewed, faster this time, trying to eat as normal as I could. 


"Are you all finished here?" The waitress asked. I looked down at my half finished salad. My stomach felt like it was going to burst. Harry handed her his empty plate. I wiped my fingers on a napkin and put it on top, trying to cover up the food that was left. I handed her my plate and she walked away after giving us the bill. I cleared my throat, trying to force the food to stay in my stomach. 

"You alright?" Harry asked looking at me with a concerned face. 

"What, yeah I'm fine!" I lied. I could feel the food going straight to my thighs and I hated it. "Um, excuse me." I said quietly before standing up and trying not to run to the bathroom. It was empty, luckily, so I ran into the biggest stall and slid the lock into place. I quickly kneeled in front of the toilet. I slid two fingers down my throat and rid myself of the food I had just eaten. After doing this several times, I sat back and sighed. My throat burned, my stomach ached, and my eyes were watering. I slowly stood up and flushed the toilet, before walking to the sink to freshen up. I washed my hands and splashed cold water on my face. I fixed my makeup and ran my fingers through my long brown hair. I pushed open the door of the bathroom and walked back to the table. When Harry saw me he stood up and held his hand out for me. I gave him a small smile and wrapped my hand in his and we began walking out of the restaurant. 

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