Irish Slang

For the feral youth competition. Told through Irish slang. It's pretty hard to understand some of it so I put a glossary at the end for things people not from Ireland might not understand. It's pretty typical Irish slang, said by everyone. I put in a ( ' ) in words like 'bleedin' ' instead of the 'g' since most Irish people don't pronounce the 'g' and I wanted people to read it thinking of an irish person saying it. ENJOY!!!

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1. False Information

I don’t know how it happened. Josie got it from May who said she heard it off Johno that Niamh Winnebago is lookin’ for me blood since I apparently shifted* her boyo* Saturday last. Her name's not really Winnebago, I don’t even know what a Winnebago is but everyone calls her it. Her name's Niamh O’Flaherty and everyone in Ballydunver knows yeh don’t mess with an O’Flaherty if yeh value yer life. They’re a tough bunch o’ yokes* that have been around Ballydunver for donkey’s years*. Anyway I don’t know what to do now on a count of me being langered* last Saturday and woke up in a bleedin’ field with one shoe and someone else’s trousers on. If yer wan* expects me to remember shifting her lad she hasn’t a high hope. I think I’d remember shifting Brendan Murphy. He’s only the fittest feen* in Ballydunver. We all call him Brendan 'The Ride*' Murphy. If it’s true though Niamh could tell her brother and then I’d be dead. Tommo O’Flaherty is the village gurrier*. He smashes cars for fun and gets langered on poteen* with his gang ‘The Bally-Boggers*’. He has arms the size of cannonballs and could squish me like an ant.

Ah balls. The phone’s ringing and I’m lying in bed feelin’ sorry for myself. I had to run to make it in time. Who is it? Only that divil* Josie, my besto* for life-o.

‘Janey Mack*, Colleen! You’re screwed now! Winnebago got it off Brendan that he shifted yeh. What in the name of Jaysus* were yeh thinkin’? This is diabolical* so it is! You better go on the doss* or you won’t be back alive for dinner. I’ll try talk some sense into Winnebago in the meantime.’ As usual Josie rushed to get everything out in under a minute. That girl could talk the head off a camel.

                ‘I can’t go on the doss today, Ma is off work and she knows when I’m faking it.’ I moaned loudly. I said good bye to Josie and hung up without waiting for a reply. School would be a nightmare today. I put my uniform on quick as a lick*, all me buttons were done up wrong and me tie was just a knot. Ma and Da were back home, I could hear them down in the kitchen. Da was singing Danny Boy as usual. That meant he was in a good mood. I could smell rashers* so I ran down the stairs and picked them off the pan, still hot.

‘Don’t go to the sweet shop after school today. You hafta come straight home and make Lorcan his dinner. I already told missus Hegarty not to serve yeh so don’t even think about it.’ Ma scolded me, readin’ my mind.

‘Ok woman. What am I making?’ I said with a mouth full of toast, tea and rasher.

‘Colcannon and chicken will be grand*.’ She decided. Urgh I hate colcannon, who wanted to eat bleedin’ cabbage and mashed potato? It looked like me throw up*. Yet Lorcan, the little gowl*, loved the stuff.

I got outta the house before I was asked to do the ironing again and ran for the bus which I almost missed. Typical misty Irish weather with barely-there rain was ruinin' my hair. By the time I got into school it was a ball of fuzz. Everyone was starin' at me and practically writing a eulogy for me funeral in their heads already.

‘Alright Fagan?’ Johno asked when he saw me. I gave him a nod then resumed hiding in a corner.

‘You see her yet today? Winnebago?’ I asked, scared.

‘Yeah, she’s bullin’*!’ Johno reported with glee. He thought the whole thing was gas*. Just then a young wan* came up and handed me a piece of scrunched up paper. I hesitantly opened it.

 

Behind bike shed

After school

Be there or I’ll get me brother te bate yeh*.

I could tell the note was from Niamh cause the writing was a holy show*. Also no one else was sniffing for me blood today. I had no choice; I would have to face the pain. Needless to say the rest of the day went arseways*. Sister Gubnat* asked me what was wrong and I nearly bit the head off her*. I got four days detention for that. By four O’ Clock everyone seemed to know about the fight and there was about a hundred odd people circling the small bike shed behind the school when I walked up. They made a parting when I came up behind them and whispered stuff like ‘she’s so dead already’ and ‘betcha* tenner that Winnebago knocks her teeth out’.

Josie, May and Johno were waiting at the front for me while Niamh stood on the opposite side of the wonky circle gawkin'* at me. Beside her Brendan The Ride looked pretty confused. The crowd hushed and Niamh moved forward, stretching her arms in front of her.

‘Wait! That’s not her.’ Brendan yelled. Everyone stopped cheering and looked at him.

‘What do yeh mean yeh eejit. That’s Colleen Fagan. You said she was the one.’ Niamh said exasperated. Brendan shrugged.

‘I dunno, I was pretty obliterated*. That’s definitely not her though. She was with Liam Hennessy that night.’ Brendan said.

Liam came out of the crowd and smiled as if he was just remembering.

‘Oh yeah! By the way, do you have me trousers?’ He asked me. I felt a wave of relief wash over me.

‘Yeah! I woke up in them!’ I said to him.

'That's awful strange! I went home in a skirt!' Liam laughed.

‘Wait! It was Colleen Farrelly who I shifted! Yer wan from St Joseph’s in town.’ Brendan realised. Everyone rolled their eyes at his stupidity. The crowd quickly dispersed, not wanting to be caught by Sister Gubnat. I was free from my beating. Janey Mack that was lucky.

 

GLOSSARY:

Shifted- kissed

Boyo- boyfriend/boy

Yokes- people/things

Donkeys years- an extended period of time

Langered- drunk

Yer wan- your one/ that person

Feen- good looking boy

A Ride (Brendan 'The Ride' Murphy)- good looking person

Gurrier- trouble maker

Poteen (put-cheen)- illegal Irish drink. It is very strong.

Bogger (the Bally-boggers)- person from the country/ farmer

Divil- idiot/devil

Besto- best friend

Janey Mack- Irish version of 'oh my God!'

Jaysus- irish way of saying jesus which we say instead of ‘oh my God!’ also.

Doss (On the doss) - also known as mitching. Leaving school without permission or skipping school.

Quick as a lick- very fast amount of time

rashers- bacon. Tasty meat found on the rump of a pig.

Be Grand- (typical Irish phrase) Take it easy. It will be fine.

My throw up- puke (obviously)

Gowl- idiot

Colcannon- Irish dish made of mixed up mashed potato and cabbage.

Bullin’- (bulling) she is raging. Very angry.

gas- great

‘Te bate yeh’- To beat you up.

a holy show- it looked awful

arseways- badly. all wrong.

Sister Gubnat- Is a nun. Gubnat is the name of a saint in Ireland.

‘Bit the head off her’- gave out to her

Betcha- I will bet you

gawkin' (gawking)- to get a good look at

Obliterated- drunk

 

 

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