i wasn't crying, the sun was in my eyes

this is a story all about how my life got twist-turned upside down


2. some monologue

monsoon rain, everyday is the same, we walk in puddles love dada looking to walk through a gallery and use the bathroom, piss on my own foot. smoke paper, now the glass jar is empty, the water boils off, there is nothing but leaves left in this pot of tea. purple flower, jasmine, how did you go from naked to dead, and dead to naked, i hope i never die naked, i hope one day i can show off my new tattoo. it's the color of a butterfly skeleton. i walk through the museums or something, saturday afternoon. i take pictures of other people's art and put it up on my blog, instead of fantasizing of a new woman. love is a picture, what's my crime? shoes need no laces in the summer. we walk carefully because there is nowhere to land if we fall. but the more we take care for each step, the more lost we begin to feel. where are we going? where did we come from? who is driving? where did i leave my phone? it's in some other taxi, now it's being gutted and sold for parts. now it's in the hands of some chinese woman, who can't understand, that all i want is my life back. i just want my pictures. i want a lot of things. maybe the thing i want most is to be heard. so what should i say then? everyone is listening. now is your moment. speak.

hello. i just want to say. . . it's been. . . great.

and you're surprised to hear yourself say it. especially in chinese.

so where did you learn to speak?

in museums. where no talking and no flash photography is allowed. i went to the bathroom and peed in the urinal. a river formed at my foot. a goldfish jumped out and looked me in the eyes. kissed me, and i fell asleep. and when i woke up, i was her.

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