Vents & Poems From A Narcoleptic High Schooler-Among Other Things

High school. The year where everything came back and the former, well known version of myself died...this is me now.
*Mixtures of poems, prose, possibly letters, & short stories*

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6. Unknown: Glimpse

A/N: My eyes were opened. This is my reaction. Family issue related. I never ever use this tone you are about to see. Bear with me, as I don't fully remember my purpose for this except for my ignored problems I want to fix.

7/8/13
1:15-2:46 A.M.


I'm going to ask now,
And I want an honest answer,
When you look at my eyes,
What do you see?

Everyone's blinded,
Caught in their own delusion,
Created an illusion,
Seeing the old me,
The one everyone loved
The one everyone wants.

They ignore my dilated,
Black bagged eyes.
They don't want to accept it,
Reality,
What I've become,
And how this world's killed me.

Why ask me to wear a mask,
When it breaks in seconds,
And all attempts fail.

Alright,
So I have problems,
We all do,
Why are you reacting as though I'm Really an alien,
You joked about in the old days.

Quit that your doing the best act!
I'm not playing along!
You've made a fucking game out of me!
A powerless stringed puppet,
My soul's shattered,
I stopped crying for help,
Now all I can say is,
"Fuck everything."

How the fuck do you expect progress,
When you don't give me the proper help?
You want me to get off the Internet and sleep?
Oh, so scolding and grounding are your only acknowledgements of me now?

Let us not forget,
Your views,
Assumptions,
And expectations,
Of someone so broken.
Sure, I've changed,
But that was before you ruined me,
You shit!

Stop calling me lazy!
Quit treating my sleep disorder like its a damn joke!
Stop provoking me!
I'm not the type who walked away anymore!
All it is to me now,
Is your fucking death wish!
Get over my music,
Stop calling me possessed,
Quit telling people I'm a rebel,
When truth is you start everything,
And because of your GOD DAMN AUTHORITY,
YOU CAN LOCK ME UP,
AWAY FROM THE SMALL,
YET ONLY CONTACT I ACCEPT,
AND DESPERATELY WANT TO EXPERIENCE!

Don't you DARE force me out,
To places I don't give a fuck about,
I will panic,
You know it,
And how stupid,
Or "evil" as you also say,
I'll look.
And even then,
How do you keep your rep,
As a good parent?
I'll never understand.
But you think that'll help my anxiety?
Your not exposing me to anything beneficial,
You've made traps to change me,
And I don't like that.

Want me to stop?
Fuck no!
You are the one that's fucked up my head!
Friends,
You better cherish that I'm not dead,
You know full well how I would've been!

I have nowhere to run,
I am sick of hiding,
I want my friends back,
Accept them, dammit!
They aren't bad!
Hell, there's a certain few that have already became what you've been turning me into!
I won't name them,
Because you don't give a shit,
You think I'm depressed over NOTHING!

I hate repeating myself,
Especially to those with deaf ears,
You've corrupted everyone else,
They've all become another clone of you,
So I have nowhere to run.

Surrounded by hypocrites,
Manipulators,
Emotionless things,
Who don't even bother anymore.

You've gone too far.
I don't care if lately we haven't spoke,
But as much as I try,
I can't get over what you've done,
Because it's affected me so much.

To all out there,
Do you get it?
That's just a glimpse,
Of my life,
My world,
My feelings,
I refuse to continue,
This shitty story.

It's either someone,
Who aren't my friends,
Because they've done all they can,
But has the profession,
Or use of words,
To help me,
Put this all behind and mend the pieces.

Or,
I'm through being empty,
This isn't an empty comment,
If I can't run away,
I'll leave this world,
With nothing but broken dreams,
And destroyed lives.

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