Vents & Poems From A Narcoleptic High Schooler-Among Other Things

High school. The year where everything came back and the former, well known version of myself died...this is me now.
*Mixtures of poems, prose, possibly letters, & short stories*

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1. Poem #1: Battle For Sleep

May 12th, 2013

12:00 A.M.-3:30 A.M.

Attention span dwindling,

Eyelids growing heavy,

My vision starts to blur,

And my head grows foggy.

 

Even though my body shouts,

Begging,  

Begging for a break,

To recharge,

To sleep,

Alas, I don't,

Therefore I cry in agony.

 

I don't understand,

What's going on inside my head,

I know I'm different then most,

Even a bit puzzling,

But is my brain really that complex?

 

My frustrated screams have gone silent,

My cries for help have fallen on deaf ears,

It all bottles up,

Becoming an adrenaline rush.

 

I feel the rush coursing through,

As I rise from my bed,

I can't think straight,

Not with the ideas my brain sends me,

There's just no way.

 

I want to cringe,

Because I'm expecting the worst,

After a few moments,

I suddenly realize,

That I'm not moving.

What's going on?

 

Numbness takes over,

Stopping the rush,

Don't get me wrong,

It's not a relief,

Everything has just begun.

 

I find myself in a horrible state,

Confusion is all I feel,

And I hear myself whisper,

"I'm not laying down,

I can't even figure out how,

Now where do I go from here?"

 

My eyes are only half open now,

Heavier then before,

I have become sluggish,

Unable to think quickly,

Much less move normally.

 

I feel like stone,

My movements are slow,

Like a windup string,

When forced backwards,

Or like a tv show,

With that dramatic motion effect.

 

As much as I struggle,

I cannot fix myself,

I've become a knot,

Just from trying to lay down.

 

My brain decides to quit,

Here comes the "fun" part,

I physically feel my body fall fast down,

Yet mentally, I watch my world in frames,

My body move inch by inch,

But I know this is not true,

I feel my back hit,

Yet I haven't seemed to reach the bed.

 

A small light shines,

I know it's not real,

A sign is still a sign, regardless,

Which will it be now?

Will I sleep?

Or will I appear so,

With my mind fully alert again?

I cannot tell,

That is sadly in Fate's hands.

 

My eyes are closed far too quickly,

I only knew because everything is black,

Paralysis kicks in,

Muscles locked tight,

But I can't pay any mind,

I'm waiting for Fate's decision.

 

I am usually unlucky,

This night is no different,

My brain decides to function at its supposedly normal state,

But I am still stuck.

I can't help but think I'm caught in an illusion.

 

Thoughts soon poison my mind at raging speed,

My head pounds,

It's too overwhelming,

I don't want to think right now!

 

This can't be happening,

Nothing computes now,

I'm blocked from reality,

I don't even know if I'm breathing,

Much less alive.

 

If only someone could knock me out,

Even put me in a coma,

I don't know if I care at this point,

Because all I can say is,

Please, let me go to sleep already!

 

Is one night too much to bear?

Why can't I control my own self?

I still want to know,

What makes me different from the rest!?

I feel like I am going to give out,

But will I really?

I doubt myself,

If it didn't happen before,

Why now?

 

My eyes are locked closed,

Yet I feel them moving,

Ever so slightly,

The thoughts,

No,

Everything is hauled back at me again,

But this time I don't panic,

Because its over before I can.

 

I watch everything fade away now,

The thoughts,

The feelings,

The rush,

All of it is suddenly gone,

Locked away for the next night.

 

I don't care about that now,

I'll worry later,

Because I see the door,

The door to the room I've waited for,

And I won't miss this opportunity.

 

Finally, I'm at the bittersweet end,

Where I am now asleep,

But not for long,

Because I know,

This loop will keep going,

And I'll have to endure it every time.

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