I'm going to be honest

Just about me and my life and a few things I wanted to get off my chest.


1. I'm going to be honest

I’m going to be honest. My life wasn't what I expected it to be. I've never had a clue about what career path I want or when I want to reach certain ambitions or goals by, like children or marriage for example. I finished college with all B A levels but didn't fancy the university path. I mean, the social experience would have been wild and awesome and I might have felt younger for longer, but you are not guaranteed an easier life following this path and the pressure of debt and examinations can crush people. So I decided to take my part time Saturday job at a supermarket full time and work up the ladder to the next step of Duty Manager which is where I currently stay. I know what you’re thinking. You’re too clever for that and the snort of disapproval at shop work. Yeah it’s not ideal but what else am I meant to do when I can’t decide what I want from life. Plus the way I look it, at least I have a job in this economy we’re in where most are out of work, desperate for a job.

The next step I made was moving out of my comfortable life at home with the best family ever who always look after me and love me. OK we all have to do it at some point but I was only just 17. Plus I was so stupid and regret it so much. Do you know why? My first girlfriend had come on the scene just 9 months earlier and that fickle thing called love blinded me. I started to neglect and ignore my parent’s worries and concerns. I thought I was the big man with a girl on his arm and job in tow to take on the world. It all seemed so ideal. We were in a shared house but had our own bathroom and this was our first step on the property ladder and it was all bliss for just 3 months of living together. Then it all went wrong. I didn't love her anymore. She annoyed me and she was a liar and used me for my money. She would regularly hit me and I was mistreated so much. Now I was no angel and I was aggressive verbally and would sometimes hold her off but I never hit her. Not once. The final straw came 1 year and 8 months in. I had left my card at home and she had used it on an online gambling website and spent nearly 300 pound. In all, she owed me about 1500 pounds. I ended it and felt so much happier with my life, but regretted deeply my decision to rush into this relationship without understanding or knowing the person properly. I was an idiotic fool who had been on a roller coaster of pain and torture. It was fairly good at the beginning but of course it would be, being the honeymoon period.

However despite this I also took some positives. I had ultimately become a man. I had moved out of home and was able to clean and cook independently as well as being responsible for paying household bills. Also from all the wrongs of my first relationship, it ensured me to learn from my mistakes and be wiser. This is where I met the most amazing and strong girl in the world. Me and her had built a very open and honest friendship where we would open up to each other about our problems and help each other through, as well as criticizing each other when we thought the person was wrong. After ending my relationship I began to see how much I felt for this girl. I was being a dick of course being the new single man and wanting in my head to go out and get with as many girls as I could. But in reality I knew I couldn't do it because I loved this girl. And deep down I knew she loved me. I finally wound my neck in and decided that she was who I wanted after all her support and care for me so we got together. I am so madly in love with her still and we are a good strong couple even though we have hit our rocky patches and maybe felt it couldn't work. I know though that it will and that she is the person I want to share my life with and do great things. She saved me and gave me ambition and drive and I love and thank her every day for it. I might not be sure on much about how my life will run, but one thing for sure is how much I love her.

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