Letters to Harry (on hold)

Harry and Autumn shared a love like no other. The laughs, smiles, and tears they shared together were like any other they had experienced with anyone else. All things must come to an end at some point. When Autumn's life is cut short by terminal cancer she finds a way to make Harry remember. She wants him to remember the love they shared and the memories they created throughout the years. This is the diary she wrote for Harry while she was in the hospital and he was on tour. The diary of a girl who loved a boy and the experiences they created together.

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1. Entry 1

Dear Harry,

By the time you read this, I’ll be gone.  I can’t win this time baby, but I didn’t give up.  I never stopped fighting, but unfortunately my fight wasn’t strong enough.  First I want to apologize for not telling you.  Harry, I’m so sorry I left you this way, without a word of what was happening, but I wanted you to enjoy yourself on your tour.  I wanted you to laugh with the boys, and I wanted you to have a true genuine smile with the fans when they take pictures.  I know you would have canceled the tour if you knew it was terminal, and I couldn’t do that to you.  Music is your second love; I didn’t want to ruin that.  I know you’ll get the call on the road and I’m so sorry it won’t be my voice on the other end.

That’s why I’m writing this journal for you.  I want you to remember me, all of me.  Remember my laugh and my tears; remember my smile and my face when I’m mad.  Whenever you miss me, pick up this journal and read it.  Read one entry, or read them all, cry, laugh, do both.  While in the hospital, I had nothing to do, so I wrote.  I wrote down each and every memory that we shared together.  Each tear, smile, sleepless night, and every “I love you” is in here.  This is our life baby.

You know I was never good at goodbyes.  I could never say goodbye to the man I love because goodbye usually means forever, but this isn’t how our forever was supposed to end.  Do you remember our forever Harry?  Forever means infinity, that’s how I would describe our love… never ending.  This isn’t the end Harry, don’t you dare think about it that way.  This is just our time to be apart, but we will never be fully separated.  I’ll always be there to listen about you day, just talk to me Harry.  I’ll always be listening.  Physically I might not be there, but love is more than just physical.  I will find ways to remind you I am here and that I always will be.  The warmth of the sun you feel on a hot summer day is me.  The light that fuels the stars in the midnight sky is my love.  When you smell my perfume when a stranger passes you on the street, or when the roses start to bloom in our garden, that’s me.

I promise to always love you.  I pinky promise.  You were my first love and you will be my last and my only.  There have been many promises made throughout our relationship and all of them were kept.  I told you that I’d never leave you… I never did Harry.  This love, our love, it was an adventure, but unfortunately every adventure has to come to an end.  It might be the end of our adventure, but this is never goodbye.

I hate to say I’m sorry, but Harry I am.  I have my reasons for leaving the world without saying a word, but I didn’t want you to worry baby.  I’ll be okay.  I’ll miss you, and I know you’ll miss me.  I’m so sorry Harry, I can’t imagine the pain this would cause you, but please keep in mind you are not the only one feeling pain.  It hurt me so much to learn that this was going to be the end of my time on earth.  Leaving behind the things and people I love is not easy.

Tell the boys I’ll miss them and that I love them.  Tell them to sing me a few songs when they miss me and same goes for you.  I love your voice Harry; somehow it always put me at ease.  Don’t ever stop singing Harry; don’t stop doing what you love.

You are my love; my life and my everything, always remember that.

Love,

 

Autumn Rose Miller

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