Near To you

for the inspired by a song contest.


based on a true story.


we had good times and bad times but you cant have the good without the bad. right? but now I find myself wishing I could have all those bad moments back with the tears, blood, screams, and vulgar words, every little detail. just so I could have the good parts too. that's all we wanted. but it was ruined, and it left us all ultimately tattered, torn, bruised, and broken.

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1. Beautifully Dysfunctional, Never Lasts

They didn't always fight; sometimes they slept all day in the back room. They didn't come out much but when they did come out he was either quiet or angry and loud, most of the time it was angry. He would always yell about little things that almost never mattered.

He was my first dad.

Maybe not blood related but I had loved him mad and violent or broken and crying. I loved him; I loved him just as much as I had hated him. Our family's relationship with one another wasn't healthy, he would lash out and I calmed him. I was the only one who could calm him. We had a special connection, like we understood each other without a word being uttered from one another. We would have these little moments where he was my dad and nobody could have replaced us. We had these moments were we talked about the future and how he wanted to have a tattoo shop and mom would have a wood shop. We had these moments where we dreamt. We had good times and bad times but you can’t have the good without the bad. Right? But now I find myself wishing I could have all those bad moments back with the tears, blood, screams, vulgar words, every part. Just so I could have the good parts too. That’s all we wanted. But it was ruined, and it left us all ultimately tattered, torn, bruised, and broken.

 

 

 

Our relationship was dysfunctional you could say, beautifully dysfunctional. But everyone knows it never lasts. On the day it all ended nobody expected it. She swooped down like an owl catching a mouse and took him. She had become the devil to us, she took our baby. Our little boy was in the arms of the devil and there was nothing we could do about it but go to court and fight with Teeth and nails.

We did everything we could think of, we went to counseling, my parents went to parenting classes, and I moved out to live with my grandparents. I missed my mom, my dad, my brother. They did everything to be a family again, nothing worked. We waited hours, hours turned to days, days turned to weeks, weeks morphing into months, months transforming into a year, and finally they couldn’t take it. They had cracked as if they had turned into an egg. They filed for a divorce. A year turned to two; the divorce would be finalized soon, only one hundred fifty days left till then. I got the call at school, we had gotten him back, mom still loved her husband. I still loved my dad, ninety-nine days left. We got another call. He was gone, dead. He had killed himself.

‘A drug overdose.’ They said in the report. We weren’t even told he was even in the hospital. They thought he’d be fine, they thought he’d make it. But thirty minutes later he was pronounced brain dead, they had a choice that wasn’t theirs to begin with. It was the wife’s. They could pull the plug and end it all or keep him and let him live as a human vegetable. They pulled the plug ending him, not telling us until two days before his funeral. They we inconsiderate, it was all because of the devil herself.

His own sister.

Now he’s gone, forever.

I broke, we had something beautiful, But dysfunctional. Though he’s gone and I’m slowly healing and my mom’s wonderful, but I’m better with him. I'm still a little bit delirious and in denial but I'm working hard at getting back to how I used to be. I need him though. I need to tell him how school had gone, how I had stood up to the bully’s, I need to tell him that I’m sorry things ended up this way, I needed to tell him I would still open that tattoo shop with him, that we could still do all the things we had promised.

 

 

But most of all I needed to tell him that I loved him.

 

 

 

 

The End

 

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