I Always Will Remember (A Louis Tomlinson Fanfiction) *COMPLETE*

Alice and Irene, two Italian university students, finally manage to have One Direction tickets for their Stadium tour! The band is having one Italian date in the same town where the girls attend university: what happens when they accidentally meet two of the boys around?
See what happens that changes their lives forever!


____ **Some swear words and mature content here and there**____

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34. Chapter Thirty-three

“I gotta get up babe, it's time for me to go” Louis softly whispered in my ear, caressing my arm before slowly trying to free the other one that was around my neck, me being cuddled up on the sofa next to him.

We spent the past two hours like that, barely talking, and just enjoying that peaceful moment in an ocean of problems and worries; all of the heavy things that I carried till that day were all disappeared, and I was totally shocked in realising it was all because of Louis. All of it.

He had the strongest power on me, and I loved and dreaded that, because I literally depended on him, and this was obviously something hard to accept for me, being the proud and self-aware girl I always thought to be. I tried to deny it till that moment, but I now had all proofs I could possibly need to convince myself of it.

One more proof? As he said he was about to leave, a knot was already forming inside my throat: not only I was going to see him leaving for the second time... I should have also made up my mind about the hardest decision I had to face until then.

“You.. you really have to?” I mumbled, refusing to move so that he could free himself more easily.

“Yes, you know it...” he said, leaning down to kiss my cheek, so I got up as well, walking to the door with him behind me, and we silently took the road back to his car.

He seemed to be longing to say something, but he hesitated a couple of times, before finally saying:

“I hope you'll make the right decision, Alice”

“That is... leaving with you?” I asked, messy thoughts already piling up inside my brain without any order.

“That would be the best decision for me” he replied, wearing a half smile “It doesn't mean it's good for you, too. You're the only one who knows what comes first in your life, so... All that matters for me is that you meditate on this”

“I always meditate on things, Louis. Always. I overthink, actually. Doesn't mean I necessarily make the right decisions all the time” I mumbled, feeling we were discussing a delicate subject for me.

“I know, I know... What can I say? I did everything I could to let you know how I feel about us, now it's up to you” he concluded, his eyes a little darker that usual.

Great. Perfect time to annoy him, you idiot.

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put it all on your shoulders, I'm aware I gotta figure this out by myself” I said lowly, adding “You are way more that I deserve, the fact I'm so undecided has nothing to do with you”

His face relaxed a bit and he turned to look at me, examining my face with deep attention as we stopped right by his car. I stared back at him, trying to understand what he was thinking.

“I know you're always truthful, Alice. I have this sensation from the very moment we first met. I know I can trust you, that's also why I came back here. I need someone like you in my life, I'd be glad if you accept my offer. I'll also understand if you won't”

“Thanks for saying this.... I-” I was about to cry again, but fought against it “I'll let you know as soon as possible” I concluded, rushing into his arms to make that moment less painful and hard.

“Bye Alice...” he mumbled caressing my back, then he got on the car, before adding from the window:

“I don't wanna make this too long, we already had one endless farewell, so... Just remember: text me around 9 so I know I have to wait for you, if you'll decide to come. Goodbye”

He turned on the engine and slowly exited the parking lot, leaving me there waving my hand, still not knowing if I would have seen him again.

 

 

 

 

Back home, my head was onto another planet that my body, it felt like I was experiencing a thought overload. All I was able to do was sit on my bed and stare at the ground.

Why are you like this? Louis wants you, WHY IN THE WORLD ARE YOU LIKE THIS? I was mentally screaming to myself, deeply hating my behaviour at the point I wanted to cause myself real physical pain.

I had lived in hell without him till now, yet the thought of leaving with Louis seemed to be the least possible thing in my whole life. I had dreamt of it a thousand times: him knocking at my door and taking me by the hand, leading me to a life of happiness and joy, but now... Now that it was really happening I was scared to death, that's all. Dreaming is the easiest thing to do, but one needs courage and strength to accomplish things in real life and I was proving I had none of the two.

I just left the boy I needed more in my life slipping away from me more easily than sand, for fuck sake!

Seizing the day never was my thing.

Beside all the difficulties I already expressed with Louis about moving to London with him, most of which were actually solvable – being pretty much pretexts to avoid that decision –, there was some kind of really deep unknown element that was secretly holding me back from this whole thing, which I still had to completely understand, a feeling of some sort that was hidden inside my unconscious.

A vicious thought started forming inside my brain: maybe the fact I was so indecisive meant something. I was supposed to be happy, then why wasn't I?

Maybe you think you wanna be with him but you don't really want to.

 

I spent some time examining that consideration, but I soon concluded it was definitely untrue: we can lie with words and sometimes fake feelings, but it's impossible to fake concrete mind and soul pain from missing someone, at least. And I knew what I had felt like when he wasn't with me anymore.

Just like a lightning, something emerged inside of me and I suddenly glimpsed at the truth, but I tried to suffocate it again with no positive result.

I was scared. I know I was. But what scared me most wasn't what I actually thought the whole time.

It wasn't just changing my life and moving into a foreign place where I knew no one, having to start a brand new existence with a boy I had known for five days.

I was scared it would have all come to an end, one day. That was what worried me the most!

I already experienced what it means to be in love with someone, feeling like it will be endless, then waking up one day on your own again, all of that infinite and powerful love worn out by time.

I was terrified by the idea it would happen again, leaving me more broken than I had ever been, because this time I longed to be with Louis like I never did with anyone before. Plus, I was also leaving my stable life full of certainties for the Unknown, and once it would have been over I should have got back here in the house I grew up in, no progress made.

I knew it was irrational to worry about that when our life together wasn't even started yet but I couldn't help it, and when I finally clarify to me that that was the actual problem I felt slightly better: at least now I knew why I was so miserable.

Of course there was a part of me that was rebelliously screaming against the other part, saying it was the stupidest thought ever and that I should have run to Louis that very second, that the risk I would take would have been fully paid back by the happiness of being with him, but this voice wasn't loud enough, even though it was still causing me doubts.

I was practically back to the point where I started.

I thought I should have talked to someone: I wasn't getting anywhere just by myself, so when I heard the house's main door opening and realised it was my mum coming back from work, being already half past five in the afternoon, I let out a sigh of relief. I knew she could have been more objective than me in judging the situation, and although I hadn't spoken with her about Louis that much because I wanted to keep it more private as possible, I now needed to lighten that damned burden.

“Alice...? Are you upstairs honey?”

“Yeah mum, I'm here” I replied, hearing her footsteps getting closer.

She stepped inside my room and stared at me, her face wearing a worried frown:

“You don't look fine at all... What's up sweetie? I thought it was something temporary but you looked sad for the past days...” she asked, and I already started feeling tears in my eyes, so I just invited her to sit next to me. Sometimes she was annoying as hell, like all mothers, but I knew she would have listened to me without assuming rushed and wrong conclusions, so she was the right person to be there with me in that moment.

“Mum... I-I need to talk to you about something...” I mumbled.

“Do I have to worry...?” she joked, smiling.

“No mum, no... Nothing bad I think, just... I don't know what to do” I stopped, trying to find a way to say things, but finding it terribly difficult “I don't even know where to start actually...”

“From the beginning. It's always the better way...”

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