The Way We Are

My name is Campbelle Brooks, also known as every female Directioner’s worst nightmare.

Formerly known as Liam Payne’s best friend; Louis Tomlinson’s mortal enemy; Niall Horan’s erotic fixation; Harry Styles’ secret fuck buddy, and Zayn Malik’s girlfriend, now you know the reasons why everyone wants to murder me in my sleep.

It’s been a year since I got banished off the whole band’s life. Shamed and heart broken, I promised myself that I will forget everything that’s got to do with One Direction or that I even met them.

Only, life truly is a bitch. After getting an unplanned visit from an old forgotten friend, it was inevitable –again, here comes trouble.

"Somewhere in between falling in love with our midnight conversations that were exhaled through cigarette breaths and interrupted by coffee stains, and reading the love notes you had written on my flesh, I realized, I am in love with the presence of your words and the feel of your existence.

But am I in love with you?


12. Twelve

“I will love you like I’ve never been hurt

Run through fire for you like I’ve never been burnt

I’m gonna risk it all like I’ve never lost

Gonna give it all I’ve got

I will love you I will love like I’ve never been hurt.”

Never Been Hurt – Demi Lovato


This was the Harry Styles I knew.


He was beautiful. His angel like face, his fit body, his curly hair, all of him was undeniably gorgeous. It’s not a wonder why girls swoon when they see him. I have always understood why it was so easy to love him. How it’s not impossible to get caught in such charm fended off by such a guy like him. A girl couldn’t go wrong on loving him. She’ll be stupid not to let Harry love her.


And I wouldn’t deny that there’s a part of me that is incredibly attracted to Harry.


And I still am. After all this time, I wouldn’t even try to lie and just say that I still feel a butterfly or two whenever Harry was mere inches away from me.


Maybe it’s the way he made me feel special, the way his green eyes hypnotize me as they bore straight right through my lifeless grey ones, or maybe it was the way he knew perfectly what a girl needed –what I needed- that made it impossible for me not to fall for someone like Harry Styles.


I let him take the initiative. Let him do whatever he wanted to me without any protest at all. I let him be the same Harry I left two years ago, the one who destroyed the entire inner threshold that got both of us in eternal damnation.


For the first time after almost two years of being separated to one another, again, we had let the monsters lose and took control of us. Harry and I had let these angry monsters hidden deep in our chest once again fill our souls that were ripped to pieces caused by love.


But tonight, I chose to be with Harry not because I love him.


I chose him out of the need to become numb. To insensate me completely so I don’t feel the pain caused by him any longer –any further into my sanity. I chose him because only Harry was capable of doing it to me.


Using him? I don’t think so. If I was using him to benefit, he was taking something for his own good as well. There was no such word for both Harry and I to describe what we were doing ever since. We couldn’t explain it and never attempted to. Something drew us to each other and whatever we do, that tie between that pulls us together won’t just break.


I do not love him. I was clear with that.


He spun me around and our mouths collided in a frenzied kiss. Our bodies pressed together in the dark hallway entrance of his flat, molded in the same perfect pattern they always did and I felt my energy restored for a moment.


He pushed me back against the wall and pressed his body against me. The back of my head slammed into the thick wall as Harry shoved his tongue on my mouth. He wrapped his hands around my ass and picked me up effortlessly. I was aware of every single place his hands and body was touching mine. His hands were hot against my ass and they stayed there as he carried me. His chest was pressed against mine, and all I could feel was how matching our heart beats were at that moment.


"I missed this, I missed this so much," he whispered in my ear, "I want you. I want you now, Campbelle."


I couldn’t say it out loud because he kept his lips pressed against mine, but at that moment, I wanted Harry much more than how he wanted me.


With both of our arms locked on a fierce embrace and lips kissing one another with such hunger like there’s nothing left for us for tomorrow, we somehow ended up on his couch. He tore his white t-shirt from his body and the only thing that remained on top of his body was the tiny silver paper plane that he always wore around his neck. I stood up and proceeded to remove my pant, my coat and the thin lacey blouse away. I stepped in front of him and he reached out for my hand, pulled me towards him so I sat on top of his lap. My legs fell on either side of pelvis and I could feel going hard against my thigh.


I ran my finger through those velvety brown curls as he pulled me much closer into his body, not an inch of space in between us. His large hands were just everywhere, roaming every curve of my body like I wasn’t real, like he was trying to remember how they fit in his hands just like before. I kept myself busy with sucking the life out of his mouth as he moved his hands on my hips and rested on them. I missed this feeling of excitement. It was so much like the first time we went out of the boundaries, when I was still committed to someone else and he was someone I share some dirty little secret for a good whole year.


He leaned forward and attached his lips on my neck. I wrapped my fingers around his neck and just held him against me. I moaned out of pleasure soon as he gave lingering kisses in the line where my jaw meets my neck. I bit my lower lip and started to circle my hips against his erection, causing him to groan lightly against my skin.


Our bodies were on fire as he went further down and began kissing my collarbone. I let my head drop back and my eyes were completely shut. Oh god. It was like every fiber of my being knows and never did forget what Harry’s touch does to it. My whole body ached for him. His touched brought me back the life I thought I lost when they left me tortured out of love –when he just let me go like I wasn’t worthy of anything we built for those two years we were together. He doesn’t have the slightest clue what the hell he did to me. He doesn’t have the slightest idea what I went through when I lost all faith in love.


Zayn could marry any bitch he wants, I couldn’t care less anymore.


“Camp… let go,” I heard Harry whisper as he removed his lips from my neck. “I know what you’re thinking.”


I looked up at him. His whole expression changed as soon as my eyes met his.


“I told you I’ll take care of you,” he said without losing his stare, “Whatever it takes.” 


He knew what I was thinking. He knew what was going through my mind.


“I’ll make you forget, Campbelle. I’ll make you mine tonight.”


And from that very moment, for the very first time, regret wasn’t present.


But it was changed by the fact that now I am forever in Harry’s debt because he constantly had to fix me.


Harry didn’t waste any time. He stood up from the couch with my legs still snaked around his waist and my arms wrapped on his neck. Once again, I attached my lips and kissed him with such vigor soon as I realized he was taking us to his bedroom.


He dropped me on his bed and my body stiffened from the loss of contact when he stayed standing in the edge of the bed. I was careful enough to see how his eyes shined at the dim light of his bedside lamp. His room was dark but there was enough light to show me Harry’s expression. They showed me that reflection of what I was to him for tonight. I was the helpless prey that surrendered before him.


He slipped out of his boxers within seconds. Then completely naked, he moved towards me and Harry’s hands closed around my face, again meeting his lips with mine. I just moaned against his mouth and there, I felt Harry against my lips.


Harry had me pinned down on the bed with his hips on my waist. Soon his mouth was all over my neck, sucking at every possible spot with such force that I knew for sure would leave marks after. I felt his eyelashes flutter softly on my cheeks and it just added to the building pleasure he was giving my body.


His hands tightened around my forearm with his fingertips dug deeper on my skin, making me feel the pain which caused me to remember why I fucking loved him doing this to me.


I arched my back so to give him the signal to take the article of clothing on my upper torso. He stripped me down within second and there I laid myself in front of him, in the most vulnerable way. He took my sensitive nipple in between his lips while he fiddled with the other one using his calloused fingertips. I kept moaning out his name, the only thing clear in my brain as of the very moment. I only had Harry in my mind.


Knowing that I was satisfied with how he does it, Harry looked down at me as his hand made its way down my hips. He ran his hand across my stomach, down at my thighs and stopped when he reached the mound as my legs fell apart.


I grabbed his face and placed a promising kiss on them.


I was his tonight.


Only, when I studied Harry’s face, it showed me something different.


He was giving up himself because this was all for me.


His tongue traced over my lips and I opened my mouth to the kiss as his tongue dipped in to taste mine. He slowed his pace and took a few moments to really kiss me. His hands traced the sides of my face before they settled on the back of my head and held me in place.


I then felt Harry’s fingers laced around the band of my underwear and slowly, he slipped them off of my legs without even messing the tension that was building around us.


“I haven’t told you this, but I’m so glad that you’re back,” Harry said. His voice was the usual low tone, but it was soft I absolutely know my heart lost a beat. “I’m happy that you’re here. You’re actually here right now, with me. You and me, just you and me, Camp.”


He spread my legs apart slowly and then kissed down my body. He left me enough tiny bite marks that were a reminder of what we did tonight on my chest, on my stomach and on my pelvis as he stopped on my hips.


“You’re here, Campbelle. I’ve got you.”


All of the thought in my head were then gone with one slow lick from Harry’s tongue. He slid his tongue in to my center and my hips instinctively lifted off the bed.


I wanted more. I want them all now. I want Harry now.


His tongue plunged into me in a hypnotizing pattern and he made use of his fingers by roughly playing with my clit. I held fistful of his curls in my hands and I tried not to wrap my legs too tightly around him.


Soon, he replaced his tongue with two fingers inside me and I was completely gone. He brought me off the edge of the cliff and I felt like jumping because I know he’ll be right next with me.


I grabbed on his wrist and he was quick to look up at me as I pulled his fingers away from his body. “Come here,” I said as pulled him towards me.


He crawled back on top of me like a wolf hungry for its prey. I was just growing hotter and wetter by the second. I let my hands rest on the curve of his ass. He was packed and I couldn’t get enough of the feeling of it on my hands. His skin was so soft and I ran my hands down the side of his thighs and he groaned softly on my ears.


He grabbed my hips and positioned himself up on my entrance. Carefully, he entered me and I just hugged him closer to my body. Harry took his time by giving me deep, slow, almost loving strokes. I fucking love every second of it. He kept his promise –I was his. I was completely his, tied down in the bed with him hovering me and his everything. Harry buried his hands in my hair and pushed his tongue into my mouth with the same pattern he was already making where our hips met.


He started on a slowly rhythm but as I moved my hips to meet him, his thrusts grew frantic and angry. Everything that I felt that day was soon poured out on to him, pounded into me with a delicious friction that never faltered to reach the very depths of my icy soul.


Harry buried his face on my neck again. “I’m risking it all... just, don’t let me go.”


I grabbed his face and pulled his face up to mine. For a second, I thought he was singing to me, but I saw it right in his eyes as he pumped in and out how serious he is. He pressed his lips on mine for a brief second before tearing them away again, only to let out a loud moan instead.


I knew it was soon going to come to its end. I wrapped my legs around his hips and tried to memorize every single feeling I was bursting with on that very moment Harry and I shared. This was what I need. What I needed to forget.


Harry came like a gunshot buried deep inside me. It ignited my own climax and I trembled under him as every nerve of my body exploded as well.


He was the same Harry Styles I knew. Not like the rest of the boys, he never changed after all those months I didn’t see him. He was my own personal drug -an addiction, an obsession. A secret that wasn’t supposed to be this complicated and wasn’t supposed to cause trouble to anybody. A whisper that caused an entire avalanche that roughened the once clear path we’re taking. All we’ve left were a way to everyone’s own hell.


He was just the same old Harry that I needed in my life and I broke him. I just left him there because I was weak myself, knowing perfectly well that he won’t be able to function as completely as himself he was again after everything that happened to both of us.  


Afterwards we both lay there, intertwined with one another, with him still inside me, trying to catch our breaths.


“Camp… Please, don’t leave me again.” Harry whispered softly on my ear. Somehow, I noticed on his tone that it was strangled, like he second guess himself if he should ask me.


A part of me ached upon hearing him say those words.


This wasn’t the first time he’s asked me not to leave him. It wasn’t the first time that a night spend with Harry won’t end with him asking me to not let him go. There was always the need of some form of reassurance when it comes to him.


He asks not because he’s selfish –he asks because he’s afraid if he doesn’t, there wasn’t anything that will hold me from not leaving him. He just needed to put his mind at ease.


And that is why his kisses were different tonight. He’s scared by the thought of me choosing to stay with him was just temporary -again. On why he kept saying whatever it takes, he’d do it all for me. He made every touch, every kiss linger because he wasn’t sure if I’d still be there for him tomorrow.


Sometimes I still ask myself, why can’t I just love Harry? It was so easy for Liam and Zayn, why can’t it be the same when it comes to Harry? What’s wrong with the idea of Harry and me? Was it because how we started everything was wrong? If I haven’t laid my eyes and my whole heart only for Zayn, would I have seen him coming?


Why was I that one girl who’s afraid to love him back, when of all the five boys, he’s the easiest to fall in love with? Why is everything too complicated? Why am I this mess when it comes to love? Why can’t I just love someone without questioning everything? Why can’t love be just simple to all of us? Why can’t our lives be just as simple as it was before? When I was just one of the boys? How come when I needed comfort after that regretful decision to Zayn’s question, it was to Harry I run to and there he understood and saved me from hurting too much? Wasn’t that proof enough that I could have love Harry first if Zayn never confessed?


But my feelings for Zayn were beyond comprehension. There wasn’t any single thing that held me back when I chose to be with Zayn, when I let myself fall for Zayn. I understood what love is the very first time Zayn kissed me with everything he is. I was genuinely in love with Zayn Malik. I saw my future with him the very first time he said he loved me. Zayn was the one for me. 


I fell for him. I ached for him. I still want him.


But Zayn isn’t even here with me.


Harry was.


Without breaking into tears, I whispered him the answer Harry always wanted to hear me say.


“I won’t.”


I felt him let out a sigh of ease after hearing me muttered those words.


“I’m here to stay, Harry. You’ll never have to be alone anymore.” I told him again.


But the further the words sank into me, the more I feel the pain.


And the more did I question myself if I was really capable of loving someone like Harry Styles.


----------(The Way We Are)----------


I woke up the next morning still tucked under Harry’s body. Both of us were still naked, only covered by the white duvet sheets of his king sized bed. His arms were sprawled all over my waist while I had both of mine against his chest giving us a bit of space in between. I was facing him when I woke up and there was nothing more special than to see Harry’s face, just as peaceful as the way it was as he slept like a little baby next to me.


It was still a bit dark outside, might be earlier than five in the morning, I wasn’t sure. I didn’t have the slightest urge to move because I might just wake Harry up if I stir for a little. I didn’t want to wake him up because by the looks on his face, he hasn’t had this kind of comfortable sleep in days. It made me wonder if there’s something bothering him.


And the time was the least of my worries. I wasn’t there to count the time left for us, because everything changed when I told him last night that I was here to stay. I was there and I’m keeping my promise.


All of a sudden, the silence that surrounded the room was broken when Harry’s phone on his bedside table started ringing.


The obnoxiously loud sound got Harry wake up from his peaceful slumber. Slowly did his eyes flutter open, I greeted him with a small smile on my face.


Though exhaustion was clearly visible on his eyes, he gave me a smile back and pulled me closer to him. He leaned his face and gave me a quick peck on my forehead before pushing my head closer to him so to only nuzzle on the crook of his neck and intertwining his legs with mine.


I loved every second spent.


His phone went for two more times before it died out. I wasn’t even sure if it was just an alarm or someone was actually calling him. My phone was on his living room, same were my other clothes where I left them.


What if it was an emergency call? At 5am? What if it was fucking Louis saying he’s on his way to Harry’s apartment? At 5am? What if it was Liam trying to know if I was with him? What if it was Zayn-?


“Go back to sleep.”  Harry said with his morning voice ringing through my ears as he snuggled me tighter into his body. Did he just? “Please stop squirming. Go back to sleep, love.” he said again as I felt his soft chuckles from his chest. I just shut my eyes and passed out as quick as he did afterwards.


I woke up a few hours later that day. The daylight has already crept inside his room that gave it light so for me to find out that I was all alone in the bed.


I heard faint clanks of pots and pans outside so I stirred up immediately got dress to see for myself what was Harry doing. I took a pair of his boxers and a clean shirt from his drawer and wore it before I went outside his room, only to be greeted with Harry standing in front of the stove, with nothing but his boxers on, cooking breakfast. I just stared at the god given beauty, out of breath I was.


It was his chuckles that snapped me out of my daze, “Good morning, beautiful.”


I just smirked at him and said “I’m not beautiful,” as I walked closer to him in the stove to see what he’s cooking for us. Hmm, waffles. Wonderful, wonderful breakfast waffles. I’m in the Lord’s good side today.


He smirked back at me and asked, “Have you ever heard of ‘after sex glow’?”


I feigned a surprise and replied wittily, “I glow?”


Harry just shook his head at me, grinning as he said, “You’re still the ridiculous Campbelle Brooks.”


After turning the stove off, he shuffled next to me and pulled me by my hand. “I’m taking charge of feeding you, Camp. You’re too thin.”


I have thought of replying with something clever again, but Harry snatched me by my waist with his strong arm while he balanced the plate on his other hand. He planted a kiss on the side of my neck and I felt all sorts of silly again on my skin.


            “And I’m also thinking of taking you to the beach, to get you some color, you know. You’re looking too pasty.”


            I cocked an eyebrow at him and mocked, “Getting tan in the middle of spring?”


            “Oh, would you rather we got skinny dipping then?” he asked cheekily.


            Oh god, he’s just too adorable.


And skinny dipping is my thing… so.


God, shut up Campbelle.


Harry didn’t fail to surprise me. He made me breakfast. He even brought a jar of Nutella on the table.


He…I…Ugh. This is painfully hard to resist.


My heart leapt. “You remembered?”


“I never forgot, Camp.” His deep voice filled my ears just like always, tickling it with his warm breath. He set the plate on the table and as expected, he wrapped his arms around my body. I could feel his breath right against my neck, his body pressed to my back.


Whoever will be the lucky girl that’s going to end with Harry Styles, I envy you.


Should I envy myself then?


Ha, kidding.      


Oh my god. I sound stupid. Harry makes me stupid.


We ate breakfast in peace. Whenever I catch Harry staring at me as I shove the delicious food he made, I can’t help but to just giggle myself. He’s seen me worse than this but it’s like everything I do was new to him. The whole vibe around the table was so peaceful I couldn’t help but wonder if this was real, like if this was really happening. Harry and me; back to square one. Everything was back to normal, like I wasn’t even troubled the night before.


Harry made it happen.


He did make me forget.


Should I say ‘good job, Harry’? Or should I just shut my mouth and suggest to him a blow job?


Didn’t you know? Blow job is kind of my thing, morning wood, honey…morning wood-


Ugh. This is why you get into too much trouble. Again, just shut the fuck up, Campbelle Brooks.


After finishing off the wonderful meal we shared, Harry was the one who spoke first and break the silence. “I told Louis he shouldn’t have meddled.” He told me.


I scoffed back at him. “Since when did Louis hand me truce?”


“But he wasn’t supposed to give Perrie-”


I immediately cut him off, saying, “The damage has been done, Harry. When you see him, tell Louis that he better not show himself to me or he’s going to disappear in the face of this planet for good, without even saying goodbye to his little girlfriend.”


“Err, Louis and Eleanor broke up months ago.” Harry said in his low British voice.






I offered to wash the dishes, but Harry, being the gentleman and all, said I was his guest so he didn’t let me.


“You should check your phone, Camp. It’s been ringing nonstop before you got up.” he said while he was busy cleaning the plates in the sink.


And so I did what I was told. When I open my phone, I saw 5 missed calls from last night and 4 unread messages, all from the worried best friend, making me again the worst best friend of all the best friends.



I’m sorry. I needed to know where you went. I called Harry to know you arrived safely.




I’m not mad. You know I can’t be mad at you.




I hope you feel better, Campbelle. I really hope Harry makes you feel better.




I love you, Campbelle. I just don’t want you to ever forget that.




End Notes:

Before posting this chapter, I was really kind of nervous. Am I doing the right thing? Am I writing the right thing? Hopefully, I did satisfactory. Yeah, that’s, like, not my thing. I still wonder how I’m doing this. Should I continue? Ha, kidding. ;)


Comments are highly appreciated guys. Thank you in advance!


Again, I might not do an update next week. I’ve got a big test coming, wish me luck guys! Like a lot of luck!


So in the meantime, please do enjoy Harry, again and again. ;)


Ha, kidding.


I love y’all. <3



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