Don't let me go

I was in love. Something tragic occurred. I had to leave. I had to leave him. I left. 2 years later I came back. We met up again, he had moved on. I wouldn't dare think of moving on, my heart belonged to him. Only him. I had to play it cool, even though I still loved him. He did what I was afraid of. He let me go.

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4. Chapter 4

       Nothing but pure lust in his eyes. He was close enough for our noses to be together. Before I knew it his lips were against mine. He pulled my legs up so my legs were wrapped around him and he pushed me against the wall. He bit my bottom lip asking for entrance, which I gladly gave him. His tongue explored my mouth. Our tongues danced together. He walked away from the wall and pulled from the kiss allowing both of us to breathe.

        He then pushed me onto the bed, yanking at my top. He leant down so our lips were together again after my top was off. He reached around my back for my bra clasp, and tried to unhook it.

          "Harry, no." I said giving him a stern look.

          "What babe?"

          "I'm not ready for this. Not right now anyway." I said to him. He had a disappointed look on his face before rolling off of me and going downstairs. I got my top on and fixed my hair. I walked downstairs to find only Louis.

           "Where did Harry go?"

           "I don't know love I didn't see him, why?"

            I sat down by Louis and began to tell him.

           "Well when we ran upstairs, we ran in his room. Well I locked the door to play around, and I guess Harry thought I locked it for 'privacy' and walked over to me. He pushed against a wall and started to kiss me, I was okay with that. But then he pushed me on the bed and started to take my top and bra off. Well I didn't want to do that right now. I told him that and so he got up and walked away. I think he is mad at me for not wanting to."

            "Look Ellie, I completely understand. I don't think he is mad, just a little annoyed that your the first girl to turn him down. Usually any girl he wants, he gets.-"

            "But I'm not a slut of course he's not going to 'get me'. Did he really think that of me?"

            "I don't know Ellie, by the way he looks and acts around you, I would say no. Usually he doesn't act or look like he gives a shit about any other girl. Your the only one I've seen him act this way around. I think he really loves you. I just think he didn't know how to show or tell you so he wanted to by making love to you. I don't think he did it just to bang and be done."

              "But what if he did Louis? What if all of this was part of one of his games? Like you said every girl he wants he gets what if I was one of those girls to him?" All of these thoughts of 'What if's' are flowing through my brain non-stop. I can't take it. I ran upstairs to Harry's room and locked the door behind me. I ran into the bathroom, I looked every where and found just what I was looking for. All the bad memories flowing back of when I used to do it regularly. Everyone calling me fat, ugly, worthless, a whore, a slut. Obviously the last two are what Harry thought of me as. A slut willing to throw myself at him. But I wasn't ready. And after everything Louis said I just couldn't take it anymore. As I sat there on the bathroom floor with a razor in my left hand I began to cut my right wrist. I heard Louis banging on the door yelling my name. Then there was silence and a new person was banging on the door. Harry.

               "Please El don't think about doing it again! Please you remember what happened last time you did this? Please don't do it!" I heard him yell at me. I came out of the bathroom and unlocked the door. I opened it and shoved past both of them. I began to run and I ran and ran until I reached my destination. An old meadow me and my mum used to go to. I just laid in the middle of it thinking about everything. My life. How it would be if my parents were still here. What I would do without Harry. My thoughts were interrupted by Harry running up to me. He saw my wrist and began to tear up. He bent down by my side. He grabbed my wrist and examined it.

               "Why, Ellie? Why would you do this again?"

               "I don't know Harry, Louis told me about your past and how every girl you want you get and I'm not like that and since I'm not I thought you wouldn't like me the same way if I didn't let you have me." He just stared at me for a bit before kissing me. He pulled away looking me dead straight in the eyes.

                "Ellie I love you exactly the same. I was just disappointed I guess. I still love you with all of my heart. Just promise me one thing."

                "And what's that?"

                "You'll never do this to yourself ever again." He said sternly.

                "I promise."

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