RantBook

Just whatever rants come to mind. This seems to be a great way to vent.

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31. Still Not Improving

Made an attempt to check out some newly published movellas today. Guess what I discovered? The abysmality (I invented that word) of the writing isn't restricted to the fan-fiction people. It's everywhere. And common sense is no longer a requisite for a plot. 

 

Case 1. The blurb basically went like this: My parents died in a car accident when I was little. Then my little brother died of tuberculosis (or something). My adopted dad died, and my mom kicked me out because she didn't love me no more... Seriously. That was basically the gist of it (without the typos) and I didn't bother reading the movella. I mean seriously, what am I going to gain out of it other than a migraine? 

 

Case 2. This one's beyond funny. It's not the blurb, but the basic plot: Girls, all 18, are given a final class assignment to get pregnant by a famous guy, and a million dollars with a time limit of two years. If they fail, they have to try all over again. 

 

Case 3. This one just made me want to throw something ceramic against a wall. Seriously, not even amusing.: The MC is a teenage girl, abused by her father. Her mother sends her away to live at the 'Styles's' house. The big twist here (*sarcasm*) is that Harry Styles bullies her. As soon as she enters the house, he starts to assault her. One time she likes, the next time she doesn't, then she likes it again. On the way, she has explicit moments with Niall, gets jealous when Louis shows up with another girl, kisses Justin Bieber, and gets close to Ashton and Luke whats-their-faces. And get this, despite being so well-read (*double-meaning here*) in all things boy singing group (still refuse to call them boy bands), the MC claims that she is not promiscuous. I remember a certain scene where she says she dressed in a top that showed off her entire stomach, but still wasn't 'slutty', not compared to the girls at her school. 

 

Case 4. Something I read yesterday, and that started my run-ins with stories without plots. This one is a JB one. Brace yourself. Since, I'm lazy, I'll just post the comment that I posted on that work. Okay, this movella has been getting quite the amount of attention. 

 

-First of all, I'd request you to change the title. Kudos on rating it right, which a lot of people on this site neglect to do, but the title is questionable considering that it's showing up on the main page, and younger users will see it first thing they open up the site. 

-Second thing, regarding your writing: 

1. Paragraphs are highly suggested in this. Most times the entire chapter comes out as a solid block of words, so I would fix that if I were you. The dialogue, each line of dialogue should be placed in a separate paragraph. It's a grammatical rule, and makes reading much easier. 

2. Dialogue. There are a lot of grammar mistakes in the dialogue, not to mention that the dialogue doesn't sound like the jargon that the characters would use. She's from Chicago, right? There are a lot of instances of 'was' where there should be 'were' and vice-versa. 

3. Descriptions. We know that she's from Chicago, but doesn't feel the least bit sad about her grandparents' deaths? That's not expressed at the beginning of the movella. Also, you might want to describe what she misses about the Windy City, what she loves regarding coming back to Canada. 

4.. Regarding the Plot: There's no explanation as to why she didn't see her parents for three years either. They couldn't book a flight and visit her? And the main character Claire, after being completely abandoned by them for three years, just fits back in as if she never left? And killing off Jessica, by a heart attack no less, seems like an easy way out.

5. Other things: You're writing a book situated in Canada, and it seems you haven't done the sufficient research. Where in Canada, is it in Montreal (but then there would be French), is it in Vancouver, or is their home within the plains of Alberta? 

6. Overload: Okay, I get that you've rated this Red, but it seems like there an overdose of the explicit scenes. Is their really so little to their attraction beyond what's physical? 

7. Repetitiveness: People don't 'smash' their lips against each other. I'd think that would lead to headaches and some lost teeth. You repeatedly have that, and some other phrases throughout the parts of the movella that I read. Hope that this helped.

 

 

Yeah, it was a bad idea. But still, what doesn't kill you.... 

 

from experience, makes you puke.

 

Regards,

Mina

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