Had I known how to save your life

Inspired by the song 'How to save a life' by The Fray

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1. Where did I go wrong?

 I thought I could have helped you mate. Now look, you’re laid here with the same emotionless face you showed me when I thought things were wrong. You just said things were different. I told you again and again that this and that were wrong and all I wanted was for you to finally listen, not just hear me, I wanted you, I needed you to listen. All you could do was shout, you wouldn’t admit the pain, and all the time I just wondered why I’d shown up. I guess I never quite realised that the only choice was to lose you, because I don’t know how to save a life.

 I remember losing your focus to a window, you just stared at something far away, something much deeper than the sky. You were watching yourself deny the fears. I told you that I knew best and I could help.

 “I don’t need help!” You shouted day after day. I just want you to know that I would have stayed with you day after day, night after night, had I known how to save a life.

 My biggest regret? Losing sight of what I was fighting for when I got wrapped up in the bitterness. I never would have done that. I wouldn’t have even thought about myself getting angry had I known it was not the way to save a life.

 The only excuse I could find was that I prayed you were praying. I hoped that you were talking to something bigger than all of us; I hoped you admitted everything to him. When I found about the depression, I couldn’t get my head around it, because I couldn’t see so I didn’t understand it. By taking you so early, I guess God was saving you. He relieved you of the pain you just couldn’t overcome.  I suppose it takes something more magical than reality to know how to save a life.

I’m sorry, I just need you to hear this, just listen to me for one time, even if just in spirit, I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness and I would have stayed up with you all night
had I known how to save a life.

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