The Brightest Smiles Hide The Darkest Secrets *ON HOLD*

I once again found myself being the adult at the age of eight. I would calm my stepdad, stop my mom and him from fighting, endure being bullied, take care of my ten month old baby brother, clean and cook, all while going to school. But now I’m nineteen have endured everything and now live in London working at a nursing home (mostly volunteering). I suddenly find myself bonding with an older woman named sally styles, she constantly tells me to meet her grandson that I’ll ‘love him’ but I don’t trust men, for a very good reason. Can she get me to meet him and open up to him like I do her or will the past come back and bite me in the ass?

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3. then

I don’t remember much but I do remember it being cold outside. You know like one of those crisp, freezing, I can see my breath kind of days? Well that’s how it was, I remember walking to the back of the trailer hearing my mom and Jamie talking, getting along. I had smiled to myself; it was one of those rare moments where they were getting along. Once I had reached the back bedroom I looked at the scene before me, my mom was looking through the old home videos, Jamie branding the infamous Fisher mark on the new cd’s, and Anthony just sitting there idly while throwing his toy up in the air giggling like the little baby he was. I remember sitting on the edge of the bed and looking at my mom with a smile.

“Can we watch some?” I had asked her. She nodded her head putting in a video. I watched as the scene from when I was roughly two or three danced across the screen, I was running back and forth from my little bedroom with different stuffed animals in hand giggling as I did so. Then the static enveloped the screen skipping to the next video on the VHS tape. I remembered cuddling up next to Jamie as I awaited, when it finally came I sat up watching as I sat in the living room with my two older half-brothers eating mac-n-cheese. Not in a single video did I see my dad; I knew what he looked like but didn’t talk to him much. I remember this moment I had fallen asleep with my family, my first real family for the first time in forever. But I don’t have that anymore; all I have is a grave stone to visit in Kansas far from home, and the memories from when I actually did have that. 

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