The Brightest Smiles Hide The Darkest Secrets *ON HOLD*

I once again found myself being the adult at the age of eight. I would calm my stepdad, stop my mom and him from fighting, endure being bullied, take care of my ten month old baby brother, clean and cook, all while going to school. But now I’m nineteen have endured everything and now live in London working at a nursing home (mostly volunteering). I suddenly find myself bonding with an older woman named sally styles, she constantly tells me to meet her grandson that I’ll ‘love him’ but I don’t trust men, for a very good reason. Can she get me to meet him and open up to him like I do her or will the past come back and bite me in the ass?

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1. Then

Then

 

I closed my eyes waiting for another painful blow to my body instead I received a slur of slanderous words tumble from the blonde’s mouth. My eyes remained shut as I tried thinking of a happier time or place, but I couldn’t think of one I couldn’t remember the last time I was truly happy. Suddenly the words stopped meaning I could open my eyes, slowly my eyes slid open finding I was alone. I carefully stood up from my spot at the opening of the woods, I dusted myself walking back to my previous spot on the sidewalk as I made my way to school I mentally forgave the girls for what they did. I don’t know why but I always forgave people easily; no matter what they did. I reached out to the cold metal door handle pulling it open as I felt the warmer air of the school engulf me. Here goes another day.

 

 

***

 

I gripped the key in my hand taking a deep breath as I tried mentally preparing myself to go inside the house. Slowly I stuck the pink cherry encrusted key into the hole turning the nob I entered the trailer immediately hearing yells of anger emit from the back bedroom. I walked to the crib that was gingerly placed in between the kitchen and living room where there was supposed to be a wall. I looked down seeing a sleeping baby, I frowned as I heard the bedroom door open and someone run down the small, narrow hallway; seeing my mother emerge from the end of the hall I immediately knew I had to go calm my stepdad before things got more out of hand. I sat my mom on the red felt couch I made my way down the hallway reaching the fake wooded door frame of their bedroom. I once again found myself being the adult at the age of eight, I made my way over to Jamie who was currently counting and recounting his Lora-tabs.

“That bitch took my medicine, Lillian.” He said looking up from his pills momentarily, I watched as his hands shook I quickly evaluated him. I climbed onto the bed sitting next to him I placed my hand on his making him drop the pill into the bottle. I took both of his hands rubbing comforting circled on his hands I felt him start to slowly relax. “No, daddy you took them yesterday when you weren’t feeling well.” I said truthfully for the most part except for the fact that he was high on other pills when he took the so he didn’t exactly remember. “Are you sure?” he questioned looking me dead in the eyes to see if I was lying, I wasn’t so I put every ounce of my truthfulness in my eyes. He slowly nodded his head, “now I’m going to put all your medicine up so you don’t lose any ok?” I asked him and he nodded his head again going through withdraws from his high from yesterday. Quickly putting the pills into the correct bottle I carefully placed them in the pink zip up lunch box he kept the in, I placed the lunch box on top of his stereo and walked to the television placing Family Guy in the DVD player pressing play. I walked back over to Jamie who looked close to either a good night’s sleep or another seizure. I carefully laid him down covering him up I sat beside him for a good thirty minutes before getting up and leaving the room to find a crying baby and my mom trying to calm him.

“Just go back to bed, Jamie’s calm I got Anthony.” I stated blankly as she handed me the baby (who immediately stopped crying once in my arms) and retreated to the bedroom.

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