Even If.

"You'd love me? Even if it's not you who I choose?" I whispered to him.
"Even if," he swore.

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1. One.

Song for this chapter: Could it Be Another Change by The Samples. Start playing it when you see the # sign and it'll enhance your reading by 60000 percent.

"And so.. what I'm trying to say is... I'm moving to London!" I said cheerily into my camera and threw my arms up over my head. I wearily admit it may have been a not so great idea, being that I hadn't showered that day and smelled slightly of stale Fritos.

"Why, you may ask?" I continued, as if I was having a real conversation with my camera and video equipment. In fact, if you think about it, it's quite pathetic really, the whole process of filming videos of yourself. When I first started, I felt like an absolute git, but I had to admit I grew to admire it.

"Cause I'm bored," I swiveled on my chair and put on an over exaggerated frown, "and I want to pursue my music career a bit. Explore my possibilities. Seriously, I don't think you guys understand how excitement is almost literally nonexistent in Cheshire. It's my home and all and it's beautiful, but I want More with a capital M."

I'm not lying. Spend your life working in a library in a quiet place while all the people you are acquainted with leave in pursuit of a better life and blah blah blah. It's enough to make a person dream of More.

"I know, I know. How ironic that my YouTube name is CheshireCat. I've come so far and now I have to get a new username," I chuckled. I mean, I hate the name already, but when you're two years in with a million subscribers, you can't exactly switch it, can you?

"I just wanted to film this little video to let you guys know that I will no longer be filming in this location and I'll be trying to have more meetups with you guys and meet more of you YouTubers out there since I will not be in my own Cheshire little planet, away from all the action in London. If you liked this video or like the fact that I'll be following my dreams, give this video a thumbs up and comment below your biggest dreams."

"BYEEE GUYZZZZ!" I laughed.

I picked up my french bulldog Zeus. "Say bye Zeus! Say bye!" I then proceeded to move his paw, as if he could wave. After a few seconds of that, I reached over and turned the camera off. My back ached as I did so, which reminded me of how my entire body ached. When runners tell you that running gives you a good ache that makes you feel great when it's all done, they're lying. Running is absolute crap. Or at least, it made me feel like it. It's good for me though, which made me feel good, if we're talking about the grand scheme of things. Maybe that's what they mean. Eh. I still hated it though.

I pulled out the chip in my Nikon camera and loaded it into my computer, uploading the previously filmed video. Then, I started the long, grievous process that is editing. Halfway through it, I noticed the lighting in the video that flooded through my window changed, and I tried to edit it, but that has to be THE king pet peeve of any organized Youtuber.

I cut out bits, fixed up bits, merged all the pieces of the video together, stuck my familiar end slide at the end of it, and uploaded it to YouTube. Of course, uploading to YouTube included Tweeting my followers that I'd done so, resulting in me checking my Twitter. I logged in and typed a little update.

"@Beth_Stark: Just uploaded a cheeky little video:D Check it out and give it a thumbs up! MWAH!"

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Zeus in the corner, jumping up and down, hilariously barking. It was quite a funny sight, his little fat rolls jiggling when he hopped up and down. If your heart didn't melt on the spot, you didn't have one. End of story. Hilarity aside, it was his special little signal to me that he wanted to go on a walk. I really wanted to check up with my followers, but I couldn't resist the little bugger. I succumbed.

Once we were outside, I felt a pain in my stomach. I knew I was going to miss Cheshire, despite my complaining about it. Beautiful couldn't even begin to describe the place I'd called home for my whole life. Never had I ever left it. Even for university, I went to Priestly, which was practically blocks away from my apartment. Even my bullocks-of-a-mother told me I'd never go places.

Moving to London was actually a very big step for me. Moving in all is a big step for anyone, but for me it was more than that. I guess you can say I had always been the girl in the safe zone. Cautious. Careful. Routine oriented. It's no wonder, considering the heavy amount of trauma I had lived through growing up. I live for the constant. Things and people I can depend on. Change is scary, and I had practically devoted my life to avoiding it.

Which is why moving to London was quite uncharacteristic of me.

But I've always known I've wanted More, and I concluded-after months of indecisiveness- that I wasn't going to get that in Cheshire.

So, here I was, packing, and beginning to say my goodbyes, not that there were many to say. There was Emily from University, but we'd never been too close, so that wasn't hard. I was already over it, though I teared up when she hugged me for the last time last week.

And then there was my mother.

I don't even want to get into that situation right now, because this is supposed to be the beginning of a great story, and the beginnings should never be sad, in my opinion. They should be hopeful and naïve, which is what I was at that point in my life, making this all quite appropriate.

Ironicly, that was exactly where I was headed. My mother's. She owed me money and I had to go pick it up, because she got her license confiscated last month after running into a Great Pine tree. Again. I had to pull needles out of her hair for a week.

Zeus waddled next to me, not leashed, because he was heavily trained to never leave my side. (Dependability is practically my favorite quality, making Zeus practically my favorite thing in the entire spectrum of ever.) I watched the scenery of faded pastel painted apartments blending into each other and older boys smoking disappear behind me as we walked on.

Too soon, we reached my mother's house. I knocked on the door and waited for her to answer. Two minutes later, she staggered out, wearing a too-tight black dress, trying to put on one of her earrings. Her hair was a rat's nest and she put so much eyeshadow on around her eyes, she looked like a raccoon.

It was 11:30 in the afternoon and she was blazed.

Let's just say, my moving out didn't exactly help her case.

"Hey Honey!" She burped. I hid my disgust behind a forced smile.

"Hi, mother. Do you have the money?" I asked her bluntly, wanting to leave as fast as possible. Zeus stiffened and walked closer to me, brushing my leg with his soft fur. The little bugger could comfort me like this in a war against a risen Kronos and I wouldn't be scared anymore.

As she walked towards me. I could smell the booze in her breath.

"Why yes I do! It's in the kitchen somewhere! Help me find it." She demanded and walked back inside, gesturing me to follow her. On her way into the kitchen, she tripped and one of her heels broke. She ruthlessly cursed, which made me cringe.

The house was vile, to say the least.

I walked briskly over to the table where I expected the envelope to be. I could feel Zeus' fur on my leg as I leafed through the bills she never paid, to find the envelope of money at the bottom of the pile, covered in what seemed to be dried lentil. I opened it and counted. 500$. I wondered which crappy boyfriend of hers gave it to her, but I ultimately didn't care. Money is money.

"Well, everything's here. I'll just be on my way-" I tried to say, but she fell on top of me. And began to snore. I shrugged the disgusting thing off of me and ran out of her house.

"By the way, Mom, I'm moving to London," I said under my breath on the way out.

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#

I secured the door of the moving truck and ran to the passenger seat, next to Amanda, the truck driver. I made sure to get the youngest, most girly, least creepy driver to drive me, since I would be with her for two and a half hours.

"Ready to go?" She asked and I nodded as Zeus cuddled up in my lap.

"I've always been ready," I smiled.

And with that, Amanda started the truck, and we were off. For awhile, we drove in silence. I just watched the scenery rush past me at the window, petting Zeus.

"What made you want to move to London?" She finally asked.

"I wanted to get away from all the bad memories here. It just seemed like something I had to do," I answered, choosing my words carefully.

"A fresh start?"

"Yep," I sigh. We drove in silence.

"So what about your dog there? When did you get him?" She asked, clearly trying to make steady conversation.

"My mom got Zeus for me when I was 7. I've grown up with him and ever since high school ended, I've been trying to take him away from her house. I guess I just decided he was mine," I told her.

"What does your mom think about you moving?" She queried.

"She's very happy for me," I lied. If my mom knew I was leaving, she'd probably go delirious, though that wasn't aside from the normal.

"Well I can see you're not really in the mood to talk and you look tired. Try going to sleep , we have plenty of time," she laughed. I smiled gratefully as I leaned my head back on the seat and steadied my breaths into a beautiful nap.

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Author's Note

HEY GUYZZZZZZ! So this is a new story of mine. Sorry that this chapter was a bit boring, but I'm really trying to pace this story so it doesn't rush into things too fast. I really hate it when a story is like "hey my name is blah and NOW I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU LET'S GET MARRIED"

I have the whole story planned out in my trusty notebook, so I plan on updating often.

I hope you guys don't mind the whole "Song of the Chapter" thing. I think it's cool, but if you don't want to do it, that's fine. It just adds more emotion to the chapter. I'll be doing it for every chapter, hopefully.

Vote and comment!

-Hanna

XX

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