When she cries

She screamed and slammed the door. Voices kept whispering just die already. It felt like someone just threw a brick at her. Her head kept pounding. While she crashed down the ground started moving. The eyes, the pain. Everything I had done. Every single thing. Then there's nothing. No sounds, no voices only her reflection in the mirror staring at her while the last tear dropped down onto the floor.

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4. Silent time

As she started running home she thought about the bird. "How did I know so much about him?" she murmured.

Her look got fixed to the center of the road, like nothing else even existed. But she did hear the people around her talk and laugh. It didn't bother her, she didn't think of anything anymore. Ana was still by her side and kept talking, she made it easier to ignore all the things around her.

Quietly she kept on running till she reached her home, a place where she could feel save. One of the only places where she still could. The front door was already open so she didn't have to ring the doorbell. Secretly this made her happy because then she didn't have to let anyone know that she got home early. No one had to know anything, if they don't ask I won't talk.

Ana was still talking about what she should do and  how she should convince her father that she was alright. They had to keep thinking that, they where not allowed to know how sad things would become inside at the moment she would tell them. But she knew in the back of her mind that it would fail. Nothing would go like she wanted it to happen, and just as she realized that she started sobbing again. There was nothing she could do about it. She couldn't lie to them, never. But she could try for the short time she would be here with them. Just a little, she needed just a little more courage.

 

That night at the dining table they asked her about school, about her politic choice, about nature, about friends, just about everything you would think they would know about their own daughter.

But I was a stranger to them till the end, they never knew the true me. I would not tell them that I would feel so bad I would rather die then keep on feeling this way.

I just couldn't do that, but neither could I tell them I was doing great, I didn't want to lie but everything inside of me told me I should. They were still my parents and I would disappoint them so much if I would tell them to thruth, so I kept quiet. It was 'silent time' again. That time once a week where it was best to shut your mouth and listen, you have to nod and smile and then afterwards you can bring your plate to the kitchen and go back to your room or have a late night run. That's how it went. Always

 

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