Digging for Occupation


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1. Digging for Occupation

I dislike being bored, 
it gives me room to
think about why I'm alone, 
and why I'm sat at home,
Sipping on tea, 
trying to be sophisticated, 
procrastinating, 
putting off putting clothes on, 
and venturing outside. 
Scrolling endlessly, 
looking for a purpose
in other people's work
whilst veering away from my own. 
I'll sit awake each night
wondering where I went wrong, 
sighing instead of sleeping, 
drinking instead of dreaming, 
singing instead of snoring. 
I'll push away concerns
for my health, sanity, 
none of it matters
when there's nothing to do. 
'Get a job', 
'Pass exams', 
'But be you, just our version.' 
I'm a sculpture, 
a piece of clay to mold, 
looking for someone to hold
me in place, 
help me focus on me. 
I'm selfishly selfless, 
focusing on others so that
I don't have to focus on
my flaws, 
my habits, 
my issues. 
I'll help others to push 
the rushing thoughts to 
the back of my mind. 
I need to be occupied, 
or, if I'm bored, 
I'll be bored for hours. 
And that is never
ever
good. 

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