The Doubt of Moving On

Liam Payne was once in love. He was head over heels for her. He'd take the moon for her. But she did something that not only hurt him but his friends as well. He doesn't know what to do. All he can do is hang on to the past. Hang on to her. But he knows he needs to move on.
Ruby Adams was once happy. She was head over heels for a guy. She loved her brother more than anything. But the guy she loved did something to her which made her do something to her brother. She's a mess. All she can do is mope around. Not care about anything else. But she knows she needs to move on.
When their fates cross paths, will they finally do what they need to do all along?
*Don't need to read Chasing the Sun for this spinoff*


22. Chapter 21

Chapter 21


It was safe to say I was seething mad. I stayed up all night in the gym, not stopping once. I couldn’t shake off the anger that constantly built up inside of me every passing minute.

By the time it was four in the morning, I had built on enough muscle for the month. I could see the straps holding the punching bag from the ceiling starting to break off. It looked like it was strained from all the punching I did. 

I took a deep breath in, trying to slow down my angry heart rate. I probably am overreacting. As a boyfriend I should understand why she didn’t want to talk about anything. But as a person, i felt completely left out. I’m supposed to be her significant other. I feel like she knows possibly everything about me and I don’t know a thing about her. 

Fine, maybe the reason why I was angry wasn’t just because she wouldn’t tell me anything about her. Maybe most of my anger was directed to the fact that she sent me away instead of her cheating ex boyfriend. I mean, he was the one who broke her heart and made her so upset that she crashed the car her and her brother were in. That was probably a little heartless and mean but I am a human being and I’m currently a jealous human being. 

To be honest, I’ve actually never been jealous like this in my whole life. I was always so trusting of my girlfriends. If they spoke to a guy, if they hugged a guy, i’m fine with it as long as I knew him or she told me exactly what happened. I would always the trust my girlfriend no matter what. But it seems that my emotions go all out of whack when it comes to Ruby. I go absolutely crazy. 

She’s made me cry more than I’ve ever had in my whole life. She’s made me angry more than the average of times. She’s made me feel so heartbroken more than I’ve ever felt before. But she’s also made me the happiest person in the world. Ruby knows how to make me laugh and make me go all geeky. I always feel like I don’t need to try harder than what I already do. She’s like the best person to be around.

Her and my sisters are so close which is surprising since none of my ex-girlfriends were able to connect with her. I know that my mum and Ruby frequently talk on the phone. My mum’s practically in love with her. Ruby’s so great with my friends, especially the girls. She doesn’t act like she’s better than them. I know that some british people tend to act snobby around Australians because they come from the down under but Ruby isn’t like that, she loves them more than anything. (a/n i know that’s probably not true but y’know believe it for the sake of this chapter)

I chugged down the rest of my water from my bottle to cool down the heat spreading through my body. I wiped away the sweat on my face before heading out of the all too familiar gym. I took a hot shower, hoping it could make me tired enough to fall asleep. But by the time I got out, I was more awake than before.

I just stayed in my bed with my limbs sprawled out in different directions as I stared at the dark ceiling. Hours past by and my eyelids weren’t even droopy. I even got to watch the sun come up. Then when my clock hit eight am, I decided to just go for a run. I was probably overexerting myself but exercise was the only thing I could think of when I have a lot on my mind like this. Either exercising or getting drunk but I’m more dangerous when I’m drunk and angry. I throw things a lot and swear a lot more and  punch anything I could find.

When I got back an hour later, I still wasn’t tired. i guess this is what happens when you’re too preoccupied with your mind. It doesn’t shut up long enough for you to close your eyes and get what you really need: sleep. I took another shower to cool down again. 

When I got out of the shower, I only had time to put on a pair of faded black jeans before a knock on the door got my attention. I didn’t bother putting on a shirt when I answered the door, it was most likely going to be Niall or Zayn.

But it wasn’t.

“Ruby.” I said, shocked. I honestly didn’t expect to see her for another two or three days. That was our system, pretty much. We fight then we avoid. I was going to used that supposed time to calm down and really think about it all without the anger or the sadness. I was going to use that time to rethink my emotions.

But she’s here now and, honestly, I couldn’t elicit any other emotion apart from shock at the sight of her. Her red hair was pulled back in a ponytail and it looked like it was hurriedly done. Her face was void of make up except for lipgloss and some mascara. And all she wore was a white skirt with a black loose blouse and black sandals. Her cheeks were a little flushed and from the downcast of her eyes, I could tell she wasn’t supposed to come here today.

“Ruby.” I repeated in that same shocked tone.

“Uh, I’m- do you not want me here?” She asked. My eyes widened at her straightforward question. I opened my mouth to say that I did, she cut me off, talking hurriedly. “No, that was such a stupid question to ask. I’ll just come back, I-I’m sorry, Liam. Um, yeah...” She turned to leave but I quickly grabbed her arm.

“No, don’t go.” I said. She looked at me for a second before relaxing her arm which meant that she agreed. I towed her into my apartment and I let go of her arm to close the door. “Just have a seat, i need to put a shirt on.” I told her and she nodded her head while she walked to the sofa.

I grabbed the grey shirt I pulled out earlier and put it on. Then I went to the kitchen, turning on my coffee machine for Ruby’s favourite latte macchiato and my mocha. I silently brewed our coffees then brought our mugs and put it on our coffee table.

I fought to hide a smile when I saw my coffee table all neat and tidy. I remember I left it in a mess with a few of my playstation dvds spread over with a few cds as well. I now see both of it in neat stacks on the corner next to the pile of papers I always keep there. I don’t remember the last time I saw my coffee table like that but I didn’t comment on it. I didn’t think she wanted me to.

“Here you go.” I told her, still trying to stop the smile creeping on my face. I watched as disappointment flash across her face for a few seconds before she changed her expression. She took the mug off the table and blew the beverage before taking a small sip then putting it back down on the table.

“So-” I started to say.

“Liam-” She said at the same time.

We went through that awkward moment with polite smiles and polite ‘you go first’s. I honestly felt like we were exes and this was one of those catch up moments when you see each other on the street and invite them up for coffee. It was so awkward. The funny thing was we weren’t exes. We’re still in our relationship and my god, it was a lot more complicated than I expected it to be.

“You go, Ruby.” I said with a final tone. I didn’t mean to be demanding or anything but with the way things we’re going, I knew I had to be the one to end the politeness because it was going to get a lot more uncomfortable.

She heaved a sigh before opening her mouth to talk. “When I was in high school, I had so many friends. They were all such great people. I didn’t have much drama except for this one time in year 11 where I met a guy, Jacob, that moved to our school. He was my first serious relationship, we were together for about eight months when I found out that he was actually still with the girl from his old school and he thought he could get away with having two girlfriends. I actually became really good friends with the other girl and he actually moved to Australia. After that I swore of guys.

But then I head another serious relationship in Sixth Form with Ryan but that only lasted for six months when his parents made him move to Massachusetts for Harvard Law. He actually became a rebel after that because he didn’t want to be a lawyer. It was pretty ironic, if you asked me. Then I met-”

“Uh, Ruby, why are you telling me this?” I asked her. I was confused from the start. I expected an explanation or a recount of what happened or even a break up speech. I did not expect her to talk about her past. 

“Just listen, please.” She said and I nodded, letting her proceed. “So yeah, then I met Michael, he was actually my best friend for a few months. We were together until the start of November last year. I dumped him when I found out about the other girl. He actually came here today to explain to me what I actually saw. Turns out she was his new neighbour, and that was the girl we bumped into a few months back, do you remember her? She was tall, long legged, blonde? Yeah, so um, he was being the nice person he always was to help her unpack then he invited her over for a quick snack and she mistook that for him being flirty and all that. She kissed him and I walked in at the most inopportune time.”

“Was that supposed to make me feel better?” I blurted out. Her eyes dropped to her lap and she twisted her fingers together. I didn’t mean to sound rude, it just came out like that because I don’t want to hear about the fact that she was wrong and she could possible get back together with him.

“No, I was just telling you what happened.” She answered quietly.

“I don’t want to hear how you most likely got back together because you were wrong, Ruby. Just do it and get it over and done with.” I’m not one to be harsh but I was extra harsh today. I guess the anger never really did wear off.

“I’m not... Liam, I’m not here to break up with you. I’m to here to explain to you what happened last night.” She stuttered, her fingers were twisting and playing with each other as her eyes stared right into mine.

“That’s not what I wanted to be explained, Ruby. I want you to explain why you made me leave.” I told her, crossing my arms across my chest. I felt like the biggest dickhead to her right now but I think this was the only way to get the answers I wanted.

“I don’t think I’m able to explain it. I always have this feeling that if I tell you something about my past, you’ll realise I’m too.. too...” She paused. I didn’t know what she was waiting for.

“Too what, Ruby?” I asked her impatiently.

“Too average for you.” She answered honestly. Normally I’d say something like she was far from average but I was still confused about everything and angry about last night so I decided to say silent. “Wasn’t that what you wanted, Liam? The truth? There. That’s the truth. I’m a lot more insecure than I come off as. I brush off your fame all the time and I forget that you’re not normal half the time but then those moments come when we’re talking about what happened in the past and I automatically feel like my life was just bland, not exciting enough for you. The only exciting thing that’s ever happened to me before you was that accident. It’s sad but it’s the truth.”

I still didn’t say a word to her. 

“Seriously, Liam. I’m never going to leave you for someone else. Are you kidding me? You are the most exciting thing that’s ever come into my life. I would never ever give that up for someone else. Why are you still mad?” She asked. I could literally see her patience waning. 

“I’m still mad because I love you.” That shocked the both of us. I wasn’t going to tell her like this. I was going to do it romantically. I didn’t want to blurt it out in anger because it didn’t seem genuine enough. But I can’t take it back now and judging from her expression she’d never let me take it back. She looked as shocked as I felt. Her eyes were wide and staring right into mine and her cheeks were flushed.

“W-what?” She stammered. Well, there really is no going back now. Plus, this was inevitable. I was going to tell her soon anyway. Now or never, right?”

“I-” I was going to say it again but it got caught in my throat when I looked into her brown eyes. I couldn’t say a single word. The look in her eyes calmed my anger down. I wasn’t angry anymore and I wasn’t thinking about the fact I was jealous and she made me leave instead of Michael. Instead, all I could think about was how much I love her. How much I love her brown eyes, her red hair, her pink lips, her tanned skin, her perfectly polished nails, her perfectionism, her laugh, her scent, her smile, the small dimple on her chin, just everything about her. I love her so much.

“You didn’t mean it...” She sighed in defeat. Her eyes dropped to her lap once again and it made my heart break.

“I do!” I suddenly shouted. She jumped slightly and looked at me. “I do. I love you so much and I mean it and I will always mean it.” I said in a more quieter voice.

Her eyes suddenly went glassy and my stomach dropped. Shit, I made her cry. Why do I always make her cry? 

Then she dived at me and kissed me full on the lips, pushing me back to lay me down. 

For some reason, that reaction shocked me the most. I have no idea what I was expecting when I told her but I did not expect a make out session. We didn’t stop kissing. Her hands were running everywhere on me and my hands were doing the same on hers. She pulled me back up, her hands now cupping my chin and my arms around her waist. 

One by one, our clothes came off. First her blouse, then my shirt, then her skirt, then my jeans. It wasn’t the first time I’ve seen her without clothes but it was the first time I was going to have sex with her. We weren’t waiting for something or anything like that, we didn’t even talk about. I guess if we did it, we did it. That was it. I guess this was that time. I promise I’ve been attracted to her since the start. I just know how to keep it in me... a lot. 

(a/n I tried to do it. I honestly tried to write a sex scene. But I can’t because I can’t stop laughing at the fact that I’m writing a sex scene. So sorry. You can just write one for me and I’ll put it in if I like it. But yeah, sorry.)

“I love you too by the way.” Ruby laughed. We somehow ended up on my bed, she was laying on her stomach with her head on my chest and I was on my back. I actually had no idea how. All I could remember was the feel of her skin on my skin... all four times. It was unspoken, the amount of times we did it. We just looked at each other and then we’d go at it again. 

“Not a little late at all.” I chuckled as I leaned down and kissed her cheek. 

“I hope you know that I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to make you jealous or feel left out or anything. I love you so much and sometimes it’s really hard for me to show emotion like that.” She whispered. Her head was up and she was staring right at me. All I could see was her face and all I could think about was how much I love her and how much i wanted to do it again. 

“It’s okay. I love you too.” I told her as I played with a lock of her hair. She smiled sweetly at me and leaned down to kiss me.

We were supposed to stop. I was actually pretty tired, I didn’t sleep at all and neither did she. Our breathing were a little laboured. But then she had to kiss me again and I couldn’t bring myself to stop kissing her or her body.

“I”–kiss on her cheek–”love”–kiss on her neck–”you”–kiss on her shoulder–”so”–kiss on her stomach–”much.” I couldn’t keep my hands off her. She giggled at how I couldn’t stop kissing her and brought my head up to hers. She pecked my lips and smiled.

“I love you too.” She grinned and gave me another kiss.






Well, awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww guysssssssssssss. Who thought this was going to happen soon? Who thought they were going to go on a break first? I mean honestly the amount of times they talking about breaking up. But if you didn’t think that then oh well. 


By the way at the end of this book, I’ll be doing Ruby’s POV of this chapter. Just for a little more perspective. If there were any chapters you’d like in Ruby’s POV, comment below and I’ll might do it :)


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