The Doubt of Moving On

Liam Payne was once in love. He was head over heels for her. He'd take the moon for her. But she did something that not only hurt him but his friends as well. He doesn't know what to do. All he can do is hang on to the past. Hang on to her. But he knows he needs to move on.
Ruby Adams was once happy. She was head over heels for a guy. She loved her brother more than anything. But the guy she loved did something to her which made her do something to her brother. She's a mess. All she can do is mope around. Not care about anything else. But she knows she needs to move on.
When their fates cross paths, will they finally do what they need to do all along?
*Don't need to read Chasing the Sun for this spinoff*

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20. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

 

It’s been four days since I last saw Ruby. At first we were avoiding each other but then by the second day I’ve tried calling her to solve our unfinished fight. But she never answered her phone and I knew that she was the one who was avoiding me. I was scared, honestly. I didn’t want to end our relationship like this especially after a really petty fight. I’ve been calling her everyday for the past three days and I’ve tried not to ask her any questions or call her too many times because I was scared that she might yell at me again for it or reconsider being with me. 

I didn’t want to go to her apartment because if she’s the one avoiding me, I don’t want to barge in on her if she wants time. I know that if I go to her while she’s avoiding me, she’ll get mad because I need to give her some space every now and then.

That fight was our most serious fight. She’s never thrown anything at me before but she has balled up her fists and yelled and paced around the room. And we’ve never brought in our annoying traits into our fight. I honestly didn’t mean to pick on her perfectionism. I love her perfectionism, I think it’s the most adorable thing. But since I was mad that night, i just kept saying things that would make her angry and it just went chaotic.

Apparently our fight was so loud that Zayn could hear it from the J’s could hear us from the floor below us and Zayn on the floor above us. Louis and Eleanor weren’t home and only Harry heard us. Niall and Georgia only heard the throwing. Apparently they all met up in Harry’s apartment which was right across from me and they discussed whether or not to interrupt us. Thank god, they didn’t. They would’ve heard how much of a jerk I was and seen how I was making usually-calm-and-happy Ruby in raging Ruby.

I remembered when they walked in to find my muttering under my breath in anger as I picked up everything she threw at me. I remembered not exactly caring about her storming out of the apartment but I guess I was just pissed mad. I was more mad about the fact that she said she always considered breaking up with me because I was inquisitive. I think that one hurt me and angered me the most. But then what scared me the most was Ruby throwing things at me. She’s usually so composed and calm and It baffled me when she started to throw my stuff at me. I’ve never seen her like that and I never thought I would see her like that. I wasn’t all that worried about her saying she hated me because, not to be cocky or anything, I knew she didn’t. She couldn’t. Right? Right?

“What the hell was that?” Georgia came barging in not even ten minutes after the fight. She looked worried and upset and a little disappointed. Everyone else came piling in, watching me clean up the mess Ruby threw at me.

“It’s was nothing.” i muttered as I set the remotes back on the coffee table.

“It didn’t sound like nothing.” Georgia replied. i didn’t say anything after that. I was still boiling mad over the damn fight that started over something so simple. “We heard yelling and screaming then we heard things being thrown then I heard her yell that she didn’t care or something.”

“I said it was nothing.” I growled at them while I put the papers back in its place. 

“Look, mate, we’re not trying to look for gossip, we’re your friends. So just tell us what happened. We may or may not be able to help you.” Louis said. They were all still crammed in the doorway and I was in no way going to give them an invitation in.

“I don’t need your help.” I told them as I picked up the magazines on the floor. 

“Liam.” Ali said sternly and somehow her tone made me stop what I was doing. Ever since I first met Alira I always found her commanding voice like a mother’s. She’s possible the most mother-ish out of all of the girls. She had an authoritative tone that none of us guys could ever disobey.

“What.” I snapped. I didn’t want to take my anger out on them at all. i didn’t want to take my anger out on anything. I’ve seen what happens, I go on a war path. I throw everything, break everything and punch everything. I also go really drunk. I haven’t been drunk since Elise’s birthday in March four months ago.

Ali was able to push through the crowd in the doorway and sat down exactly where Ruby was sitting before the fight, where everything was quiet and calm. Like before a raging storm. “Tell me what happened.”

I took a deep breath in to contain my irritation and annoyance of them, of Ruby, of the mess in my apartment, of the rainy day and of the damn colour of my shirt. I was annoyed that day after the fight that my skin felt irritable and I kept scratching it. 

“Everything was going great.” I started, my ranting tone was turning on. “It was perfectly fine, okay. We were just sitting on the damn sofa doing nothing. Then I asked her if she was okay because I am a good boyfriend. I ask my girlfriend appropriate questions because that’s how a damn relationship is supposed to be. So she says no, and that’s odd in itself, so I asked if she was thinking about the accident. No, don’t you look at me like that, I wasn’t being insensitive. I was asking because I wanted to know if she was okay about everything because she never talks about it. Then she asked me if I was over the Elise thing. And, okay, I admit this part was insensitive of me but I couldn’t help it, how the hell do I answer that question. So I stupidly asked if she was okay with her accident. I meant sincerely, I was being genuine. I didn’t expect her to blow up in my face. I didn’t mean to be rude or anything.

“The she bloody acts like I’ve traded a million dollars for drugs with the disappointed look she had on. I was being genuine okay. I wanted to know what she was feeling. It’s been bloody eight months. She could at least say something. The only thing I know is that she grabbed the wheel and the car flipped and she blames the accident on herself. That’s all I fucking know. She hasn’t told me anything else and that’s what frustrated me. How am I supposed to comfort her if I don’t what the hell is going on inside her head.

“Then she tells me that I ask too many unnecessary questions and that every time i asked her a question she considers dumping. How fucking rude is that. And I honestly didn’t mean to but I did, I bagged on her perfectionism. How was I not supposed to leave that out if she says I ask too many questions. I can’t fucking help it. Then she told me she hates me and starts to throw my shit around. Honestly, you don’t throw shit around. It makes everything worse! Then she walks out without even finishing the damn fight!” I finished. I was panting. I spoke a lot of words and frankly that rant actually cleared some of my thoughts. 

“Okay, first of all, you’re both stupid. Second of all, I’m sorry you two fought like that. That was most definitely the worst fight I’ve ever heard, I mean Georgia and Niall’s fights aren’t even that bad.” Ali said. “But I think you two need time to cool off. Give it at least a week for her to calm down and for you to calm down. Just take it slow, okay?”

“Whatever.” I muttered with my head low. I couldn’t look at any of them in the eye after what i confessed. A few seconds later, i felt Ali pat my shoulder before ushering everyone out of the doorway swiftly and quietly.

I didn’t exactly bide by her “give it a week” advice. I started to call her the next day, unable to leave the fight like that. I couldn’t just let her walk out with an “i don’t care” and an “i hate you, Liam”. I get that she’s avoiding me. I would be avoiding me after everything I said. I’ve called her at least five times a day, hoping for at least a text that told me to stop. But I got absolutely nothing.

I think I was more scared that her avoiding me means that she was going to break up with me soon. We don’t have fights like that. We’ve never fought like that. i don’t even know if she’s ever fought like that. So I don’t know if that fight would make us or break us.

I know that I didn’t care that she stormed out but I do care. More than just care, I’m worried. I haven’t seen her for four days. Neither has anyone in the gang. I didn’t want to call Gina up in case she was in Manchester because I knew that Gina would have my head. I even sunk as low as to check twitter. I only found an article of her walking out of my apartment building and that was it. I have no idea where she is and i hope that she just at least picks up once so I know that she’s okay.

Even though we fought badly that doesn’t mean i hate her and it most definitely didn’t meant that I didn’t want to be with her anymore. I want to be with her forever if that was possible. 

Forever.

I’ve hated that word since I found out about Elise. I remembered always talking about forever with Elise when I was in love with her and somehow Ruby had gotten me to say it again. She’s gotten me to say I want to be with her forever after I vowed to myself to never promise forever again. But I don’t care. I will promise a thousand forevers for her. 

Forever. 

I will love her forever.

I will be in love wit her forever.

I am in love with her forever. I could feel my heart pounding at the realisation of this. Of course. It was bound to happen. I remembered when I first saw her. Disheveled hair, tear streaks, frantic red eyes. I remember when she made me smile for the first time in months. I remember that warm feeling she gave me when I first spoke to her. 

I love her and I know that now. But what I’m scared of is what would happen if I told her. Would she run away screaming? Would she say it back? i doubt she would. Just four days ago, she told me she hated me. 

I dived forward once my phone started ringing and without answering I answered with a breathless, “Ruby?”

“Can we meet up please?” Her voice was neutral. She didn’t sound angry or happy to hear my voice. She sounded calm with no hint of an emotion. This Ruby was a lot more scary than raging Ruby. The calm-neutral-tone-that-doesn’t-give-shit-away Ruby scares the living daylights out of me.

“S-sure.” I stammered. I took a silent deep breath in and let it out. “Want to meet at that café in the middle of our apartments in half an hour?”

“That’s fine.” She replied. We were quiet for a few moments. I didn’t want to hang up and I knew that wanted to but deep down she doesn’t. She’s stubborn sometimes and she chooses mind over heart in some situations.

“Okay.” I said, not knowing what to say.

“Okay.” She answered and then she hung up the phone.

I ran around my flat, straightening myself up. I changed my shirt four different times. I decided on a hat or not 10 times. I paced around the living room with my hands under my nose trying to decide if my shoes were okay. It was maddening. I couldn’t stop moving around. I felt like it was the first date all over again. 

With one final breath I walked out of my apartment fifteen minutes early which meant I’d be at the café with ten minutes to spare. When i got to the café I chose a booth that was a little secluded. It wasn’t a popular café, only the people who live around the area go here. So it’s cosy and homy and easier not to get spotted by fans or paparazzi. 

I twiddled my thumbs for ten minutes as I waited for Ruby to arrive. The waitress already walked past once to get my order but I wanted to wait for her, just in case. Finally she walked in five minutes after our reserved time but I really didn’t care about her punctuality. All I could think about was that she was finally here.

I watched as her brown eyes searched the room. She had her chin held high with a determined expression etched on her face. Her red hair was braided down her shoulder. She had a straight posture as she looked around the room. i lifted my hand up in a wave and when she finally caught sight of me, she moved towards where I sat.

She shuffled into the seat across me and put her arms on the table with her hands together. She didn’t look at me at first and it frightened me. Was it over? Just as I realised I love her?

“Are you ready to order now?” The waitress from before asked with her pad out and ready to write.

I looked to Ruby in question but she wasn’t looking at me. She was looking at the waitress as she started to lister her order. I could hear the cracks spreading in my heart. It’s over, isn’t it?

“And you, sir?” The waitress asked.

“Just a coffee, please.” I replied. I tried to keep my voice steady and strong. I wanted Ruby’s determination. The waitress left with our order and we fell into another silence.

“The suspense is killing me.” I muttered moments later. I didn’t expect her to hear but she did. She closed her eyes and heaved a breath out then opened them again.

“Liam.” She started to say and i braced myself for the break up speech and for the heartbreaking moment where I know I won’t be able to say that I love her. “I’m sorry about tuesday.”

I couldn’t help but let my jaw fall at what she said. She was apologising? Why the hell was she apologising? Didn’t I start the damn fight? I have never been so confused in my entire life.

“W-what?” I stammered. What I really meant to say was it’s okay, it was both our faults. I’m sorry too, I love you. Maybe not the I love you part. It’s too early for that... Okay, fine, I’m not ready for it yet.

“I’m sorry for saying that you always annoyed me when you ask questions. I’m sorry for saying I always considered break up with you. I’m sorry for saying that I hated you. I’m sorry for throwing everything around. And I’m sorry for walking out without resolving things.  

“The truth is, I love it when you ask me questions. It makes me feel so important that you want to know what’s going on with me. I’ve never once considered breaking up with you. I’ve thought about what would happen but I’ve never ever thought about breaking up with you. You’re too special for that. And frankly, i don’t hate you. I don’t think i could ever hate you. You’re so good to me and good for me. I don’t want to lose that. I’m sorry for throwing things around. It wasn’t my things to touch and honestly, it killed me messing up everything that I straightened up.” I chuckled at that because it wasn’t surprising. Trust her to not be proud of throwing things at me.

“And I didn’t want to walk out but I think if I did say I would’ve done something stupid like really break up with you.” She finished.

“It’s okay, Ruby. I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have pried so much about Ryder. I shouldn’t have said that your perfectionism is your most annoying habit. I understand that you don’t want to talk about Ryder and the accident, I honestly do. I’m sorry for prying and constantly asking. And I love your perfectionism. It’s adorable and highly convenient. I didn’t mean anything I said.” I told her and she gave me a small smile. 

“So, are we okay?” She asked. Before I could answer, the waitress came and put our order on the table. She handed me my coffee and the same for Ruby and also a muffin in front of her. 

“Of course.” I replied once the waitress left. We exchanged a smile before sipping our drinks.

I love you

 

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A/N

 

Sorry this chapter was reeeeaaaally descriptive. There’s hardly any dialogue. Sozzz.

 

Vote, comment, share, fan etcetc.

Mwahbebssssssss

 

-Winona

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