She Taught Me How To Love

"If anyone asked me what impact Leigh had on my life, I could easily tell them. She taught me how to love." After four long years of a highly successful career, news of his childhood sweetheart sends international pop sensation Harry Styles into a whirlwind of emotions he believed had been forgotten all those years ago. As he struggles to become the person she always believed he could be, he learns once more that it is possible to love with the entirety of his heart.
©Ohhipstaplease 2014


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10. Believe

CHAPTER EIGHT

Believe

"Should we start out with what happened last year?"

"Oh you mean...?"

"Yes."

"Must we?" I look across the kitchen table at Edie's serious, but not serious, face. She nods and I sigh loudly. "We can't just put that behind us?"

"Harry, you want Emma to be able to leave with you right?"

"Yes."

"Then we have to go through everything. Everything."

Since the first time around Edie hadn't gotten to cover all the information she had needed, we had decided to meet once more to finally finish the paperwork in order to allow me to take Emma to go with me on tour. Although, it seemed to be more complicated than we had initially hoped. Because of the fact that this case was more high profile, child services did not want to make a mistake. They wanted to make sure that I was not the same person I was two years ago. They wanted to make sure that I had Emma's best interests at heart, and that her life on tour would be as relatively stable as it could be. 

But the fact that I was her father made that seem less likely.

"Alright, I'll tell you what happened."

–❈–

2 Years Ago

"This was the last straw! Bloody hell Harry! I'm done."

With half lidded eyes I watch as Simon Cowell stalks around his office, restraining himself from wrapping his beefy hands around my throat. I feel myself drifting off as he starts screaming once more, "I have given you so many chances, and what have you done with them?"

"Simon."

"No, you do not get to speak. Harry," He lifts up the post with my picture on the first page "Unless you can explain this" he looks at the picture and then turns to look at me, angrily shaking the paper "You were caught doing cocaine at the Funky Buddha!?" 

"Technically, they only saw a white substance fall out of my pocket"

Simon turns nearly purple as he rips the paper "Do you not understand? You are ruining not only your future, but theirs too!"

"Then kick me out."

"I would gladly do anything to get rid of you right now." he sits down and rubs his temples "But the boys have stated that if you are kicked out, they walk. Bloody fools."

"What?"

"You heard me. I can't kick you out. But if you don't get your shit together, then believe me, there won't be a One Direction anymore."

"Simon."

"No. Get out. I'm done trying to reason with you."

"But, what about the press?"

"What about it?"

"We aren't going to issue a statement or anything?"
"At this point will it really matter Harry? Last month it was the prostitute in Berlin, last week it was the model in France, two days ago it was the drunken spectacle you gave at the management's summer party, today it's the drugs. What can you really say to convince people you're not a bloody failure?"

I got up from my seat without a word and slammed the door to his office. As I turned I ran into Louis. 

"Well?"

"What, Louis?"

"What did he say?"

"Same as always."

'Harry"

"I am, you don't have to lie to me."

"Did you really take the drugs?"

"No"

"Then!?"

"They were Georgina's. You know I don't touch that stuff."

"So you're covering for that druggie model?"

"People expect this from me, they don't from her."

"Are you listening to yourself? Why are you ruining what everyone thinks of you?"

"Because, it doesn't matter!"

Louis grabs me by the arm as I try to walk away, "It matters Harry! We care about you! Your family cares about you! Anne is worried sick! We're all worried! We have no idea what the bloody hell is wrong with you!"

"Nothing's wrong with me, maybe this is just who i'm supposed to be!"

"Harry! Is this really what you want to be? Do you know the type of person you are?"

"A failure."

"No you're not."

"How do you know?"

"I just do. We all do! Look at all you've done in such a short time. Harry, why can't you just wake up. This is your life, mate. Don't fuck it up."

"Too late for that." I muttered

Louis shakes his head "It's not actually. We believe in you, Harry. Don't let us down"

"Why would you believe in me? I'm a bloody mess." 

"That's what brothers do isn't it? We stick together, and we believe in the best about each other"

"Thank you" I whispered.

"Don't make me regret it then, that's thanks enough" Louis says punching my shoulder lightly, as I turn and envelop him in a hug. He's slightly taken a back, but within seconds his arms are around me, "Alright, enough. You still have a mess to clean up"

"You mean my life?" I say finally pulling back.

"Exactly."

–❈–

Present Day

"So the drugs weren't yours?"

"You probably don't believe me, but that's okay. It's all in the past anyways."

"I believe you."

"Why?"

"Because, covering up for someone else so they don't get in heaps of trouble sounds like something you would do."

"What about everything else?"

"What?"

"What about all the other things i've done? The endless parade of women, the partying, the drinking?"

"What about them?"

"Does that sound like something I would do?"

"Harry." Edie looks at me seriously, "You are not the same person you were before. Or are you trying to tell me you are? Because if that's the case I can assure you Emma won't be going anywhere."

"That's not funny." I say as she cracks a smile.

"I'm serious Harry, everyone understands why you went through this rough patch. We get it. It was a difficult time, everyone has one. The important thing is that, well, that you aren't going through one now. Are you going through a difficult time now?"

"No, i'm actually..." I look down and smile at the table "Happier than I've ever been. I mean, it's been tough, but Emma, she's definitely worth it."

Edie smiles widely as she puts away the notepad she had been writing on "I think we are done."

"Already?"

"I have everything we need to make a solid decision."

"Alright."

"Good luck at rehearsals, Harry" I walk her to the door and finally look up at her, she smiles as her cheeks flush. "I will be calling you next week okay? Don't worry about anything, i'll be fighting for you and Ems"

"Thank you so much, Edie"

"Just don't let me down, Styles" She looks up at me through her eyelashes and smiles lightly once more, finally leaving.

"I won't" I whisper, if only to reassure myself that from now on, I wasn't going to let down the people who most depended on me. 

–❈–

"I'm bloody wrecked." Louis says as he falls onto his couch. Headed back from rehersals, we decided to crash at Louis' house for the afternoon. Emma happily wobbles over to him and climbs upon his lap. "Hello little lady." . 

I turn to walk into Lou's kitchen and go to find something for us to snack on. As I open the coverts, the fridge, and check the pantry, it becomes increasingly obvious that Louis has neglected to go grocery shopping. 

"Lou" No response. I peek my head into the living room and see that both Louis and Emma have fallen asleep. Chuckling to myself I scribble out a note telling Louis I was going to Tesco and would be back soon.

Slipping on a hat and some sunglasses Louis had left lying around, I covertly made it back to the Range Rover and out onto the road once more without calling any attention to myself. And for the first time in a while, I was by myself.

I watched the scenery pass by as I drove and could literally feel my mind start to wander in the direction I most wanted to avoid. I quickly turned on the radio, hoping to get my mind off of everything, but it worked only for a split second, because when you start to think about something, you just don't stop. 

You see, I knew that coming this far, spending this much time trying to rebuild my life meant something. It meant something. I just didn't know what it was. I didn't know if it was enough yet. Had I done my penance for all of the sins I had committed so long ago? Or should I even be thinking about raising Emma as penance? That isn't fair to her. She was now my life, and the thought of that very statement made me happy. It truly did. She wasn't penance or a way to find forgiveness, she was my happiness. She brought it back into my life. Maybe it was time to let go a bit, believe that happiness will soon overtake the feelings of guilt and the pangs of sadness.

Maybe all I had to do was believe.

 

 

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