yesterday

I don't want to be yours. I don't want to be anybodies. I want to be me. I want to be Boston. I want to forget about the past and live my life. I want to be noticed but unnoticed by you. Leave me alone, Liam, because this time we really will kill each other. Don't try and find me, because I don't want my memories to haunt me like they happened yesterday. Like Hollywood says, two celebrities never make it out alive. And we are the perfect example.

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15. valleys

"Bo."

I heard my name coming from the other side of the door. My eyelids have become heavy as I let my head fall to the side. 

"Will you let me in now?" 

Seconds went by until, "Yes."

I inhaled as I turned onto my knees and opened the door. I hit the linoleum flooring and closed the door behind me. The sun roof being the only type of sunlight. 

"Oh Liam," I exhaled finally as I went over to him. He was sitting in the white basin tub, his arms exposed and violated. This was the most I've ever seen, the blood lines already raised. Droplets of red falling from his scars. 

"Can you get me a wet cloth?" 

I ignored his wish as I got closer to the basin. "You need to stop." I stuck my thumb into my mouth and then placed it over one of his wounds. Rolling my thumb over it, the saliva becoming an invisible band-aid to the lighter cuts. "You are going deeper and deeper." 

The ones that wouldn't stop bleeding were the ones I took a cloth and ran the water in the tub onto the white fabric and over the deep ones. I placed pressure over them. 

"You've already gone deeper than me." 

I looked up at him. We were both tired, him getting down from his high, me just plain exhausted. 

"You can't keep everything from me, Bo. I need to know these things." 

"I'm sorry, Liam, I really am."

"Let me guess, those doctors have already seen you in there for rape?"

"Why do you do this? Make everything okay and quickly turn it to an awkward moment?"

"I just want the truth." 

"You've heard the truth," I whispered. "I never asked for any of this, remember that. I was basically thrown into something that was out of my control."

"Oh stop it. You are playing this game just like everyone else. If you never asked for any of this than why do you keep allowing them back in? Why do you cut, the drugs, any of it? Don't lie to yourself, Bo, you were raised in a corrupt society and you blame everyone else but yourself."

"Stop it," I warned but he continued. 

"You accepted everything that happened to you. The rape. Because if you didn't you would've never gone back to those festivals, but you did, didn't you? You liked the feeling of actually being noticed. I'm sure being the daughter of the Prime Minister, daddy's attention is more on the country than home."

I threw the cloth down, "Stop it, you bastard!" I stood up and went to the door.

"No," I heard him move and I knew he got up as he closed the door just when I was about to open it further. He pushed me against the closed door. I could feel his blood on his fingertips touching my shoulders. Then my collarbones, and soon onto my neck. "Is that what you are? A festival slut?"

I struggled in his grasp. "You dick!" 

"Go ahead, be angry at me! Go! Hit me, smack me, punch me! Do whatever the fuck you want!" 

He finally let me go, pushing me against the door, strips of my hair falling over my face. 

"Boston? Liam?" It was Louis. "Are you okay?" 

"Fine," I choked out as Liam and I didn't take our eyes off one another. 

"If you need anything, let me know," he said and then I heard his footsteps walk away and I turned the lock on the door handle. 

"Go ahead," Liam pursued. "Do it. I know you want to." 

My teeth clenched down more as I stepped forward. "That's what you want me to do, isn't it? Hit you, fight with you?" 

"I know it's what you want." He said down at me. 

I put my hand on his chest and wrapped my hand in his shirt. "It's not all I want." I pulled him down to me and within seconds his hot breath was coating my lips. I let my tongue roll out and dip down onto his bottom lip before I whispered, "Take your shirt off." 

He did as I said and then he was pushed against the sink. "What next?" 

"Don't start with your attitude. You've pissed me off, and now I'm gonna let myself be released. You've already seem to do a nice release to yourself." I lifted his arm and then dropped it back down. "My turn, and I'm gonna show you the way the doesn't hurt me, but will only torture you." 

He bit down on his bottom lip and then I pointed to the ground. "Down, now." 

He did what he was told and I met him on the floor. He let his legs out and I straddled his thighs. He was sitting upright, against the wall and I took hold of one of his hands and kissed the edge of the first bloody scar on his wrist. I blew onto it next and then without warning I started to grind myself over him.

I felt him through his sweatpants and I created more tension. He started to moan, and I placed my hand over his mouth. 

"This isn't about you," I said to him. "Stop bullying me. The reason I never told you was because in my eyes, I was still a virgin. I gave myself to you, you were my actual first and what do you do? You blow up in my face. So now, you wanna know what it feels like to lay helpless as you are abused and violated? You wanna know what hell I've been through? I never put that drug in my drink, I never asked to be raped."

I rolled my hips, making him harder even faster. "But you," I started. "You asked for this. You told me to hit you, so here's your true punishment." I took his hands and brought them down to his side. "You do not touch, moan, or move. You do any of these and I will personally drug you into oblivion with no one to help you get off. Got it?"

He nodded as his eyes stayed connected with mine. I watched his face become expressionless as I placed my nails on his chest and dragged them downwards. I slid my fingers in between his sweatpants and noticed he wasn't wearing boxers. 

I started to pull down and I felt his fingers running along my bare legs. My shorts were already risen to they're extremes. 

"I said," I begun as I took hold of his hands. "No touching." 

I slammed his hands down to the ground. 

I pulled his sweatpants further down and soon I was greeted with his length. I moved my hot center against him and he let his head fall back, a low groan coming from his lips.

I placed my hand under his chin, clenching, "No moaning." 

"Bo, please--."

"Shut up." I kept my movements steady as his face showed different levels of expression.

"Please, I'm begging--."

"No." I said flatly. 

I pushed myself back and took hold of his shaft. I started slow thrusts as I blew lightly onto the tip of his cock. He trembled and I smiled realizing the control I had over him. His eyes were closed, his teeth biting down on his bottom lip so he wouldn't make a noise. His fingernails digging into the insides of his fists. 

He tried his hardest to relax, not let it affect him, but it wasn't helping. He wasn't even able to control himself. 

I bent down, placing my lips by his ear. "If you ever, ever, think of me as a slut again I will show no mercy."

I pushed back to see his eyes, his breathing uneven. He nodded. 

"Okay, Liam," I felt for his hands, placed them on the curves of my thighs. "Touch me." 

He didn't waste one second as he pushed me onto my back. 

"I didn't mean to call you a slut. I just wanted to see your reaction."

I grew mad all over again. Once again, when I finally have control over him, he actually has control over me. From the beginning. 

"Bastard," I said up to him as I dug my fingernails into his back. "Don't make me punish you--."

He didn't allow me to finish what I as going to say as he caught me off with his lips on my neck and his hands pushing my shorts down. My hands started on his shoulders and rolled down. I felt the valleys of his scars and he hissed with pain. 

I didn't stop though, instead I looked up at him. He was accepting the pain he created by himself. I stopped then and it felt like hours until I said my last word.

"Go," I told him and once again he flipped us. Me being on top, his arms were tucked around me and I looked at the red stains now on my clothing and skin. His blood. 

I crashed down onto him, and let my lips collide with his. I felt his hand snake in between us and I gasped as I felt his tip at my entrance. I slowly pushed down, and without warning he thrust up into me. My fingers clenching down over his chest. 

He kept thrusting into me, his hands on my hips. That's when I realized it. Aren't we normally like this? Him and I, constantly fighting, and then constantly making up? One second we hate each other and next we are giving into our own pleasures. 

I moan against his chest as I place a simple kiss there. His thrusts are heavy and hard, making my bottom lip drag along his skin. 

I hated him. I want nothing more but to see him disappear, but at the same time, I want nothing more than for him to keep loving me the way he does. 

He flips us again, my neck falling back, extending my neck. My breasts against his chest, and in that second, in that moment, we were connected. Through love, and through sticky warm, innocent blood. 

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