yesterday

I don't want to be yours. I don't want to be anybodies. I want to be me. I want to be Boston. I want to forget about the past and live my life. I want to be noticed but unnoticed by you. Leave me alone, Liam, because this time we really will kill each other. Don't try and find me, because I don't want my memories to haunt me like they happened yesterday. Like Hollywood says, two celebrities never make it out alive. And we are the perfect example.

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12. i'm so so sorry

"I'm fine," I said towards Liam after the confirmation got back from the doctor. 

"No, you're not fine. Nothing is fine, Bo." 

He was pacing the small examination room. Making everyone and everything on edge. I was still bare, naked in my hospital gown, waiting for the nurse to come back tell me I can go. All I was told was to take antibiotics unless something else showed up on the examination reports. 

"You don't understand," he said, taking his hand through his hair making himself look rough and utterly vulnerable. "I wasn't there. I wasn't there to protect you. I swear to god if I ever come in contact with that--."

"Liam, stop." I stepped off the table and walked towards him, bringing my hands down on his shoulders. "There's nothing you could've done. I was trashed anyways. It wouldn't have made a difference. Let's just get over it."

He exhaled loudly. "We've been through this already. Nothing is ever easy for me to get over, you know that. Look back at the festival."

"Just--."

The door opened and the nurse gave me the thin plastic piece of paper which would allow me to get the antibiotics. I was instructed to get dressed and then I was allowed to go. 

Liam leaned against the wall as he watched me get dressed. His eyes narrowed as I caught glances of him. Once I was again back in the dirty white clothing I took his hand and walked out the room. It was nothing he could've controlled and he needs to understand that. 

Not everything goes Liam's way and he can never fully understand. He always thinks he knows the perfect way to get around and make everything better. 

He didn't speak one word to me the entire way back to the house. It begun to worry me, but shouldn't I be the one worried? I went through hell last night and I don't even remember it. I didn't know what type of torture my body went through last night, and I was the most calm. 

He pulled the car in the driveway and Louis and Harry both ran outside. I got out of the car, my body still a little sore but I pushed through it. 

"How are you?" Harry was the first to speak, but I just nodded. I didn't really want to go into detail. They must've gotten the clue because both Louis and Harry were on either side of me, their hands on my lower back making sure I got inside the house safely. 

I didn't understand everyone's horror in making sure I was okay. Maybe because it was just I didn't remember or because the matter was more drastic than what I thought. 

I was in the house and my mother came into view and hugged me tightly. She then cupped my face with her hands. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," I gave her a small smile. What about Liam? He wasn't okay. Where was he? I looked around slightly before I told her I was going to get in the shower. She nodded and then I made the way up the stairs. 

The white mosquito netting covering my windows and bed were flowing gently in my room from the open balcony windows. The elephants running around freely with the toys provided by the sanctuary. 

I went into my bathroom and started the water, letting it get hot enough to steam the mirror. I removed the clothing from my body, and threw them to the floor not wanting to see the articles ever again. 

I stepped into the shower, letting the water explore my body. For minutes I just stood underneath under the water, letting the water just cover me. Letting it remove all dirt and remembrance from my body. I poured the peppermint smelling body wash onto me, allowing it to cover my head also. 

The smell filled my nose and made me sigh in relief a type of warmth. And once I was ready I turned off the water and stepped outside the blanket of steam. I folded the towel around my body and then opened the door. The sun was down, the stars bright against the black sky. 

Then my eyes scanned the muscular back of him. He was leaning against his knees, his head low. I walked around the bed and rolled my fingers through his auburn hair. His hands were folded and when I took up the small space in between his legs he placed his hands on my hips. 

He looked up at me, his eyes red and tears falling from his orbs. "I'm so so sorry," he said over his gasps of breath. 

"It's okay," I breathed. 

He shook his head, "I don't deserve you." 

He folded his head to let his forehead rest on my stomach. "But I love you to much to let you go." 

"That is exactly why I don't deserve you." 

"You bring me to life, Liam."

"You wake me up and save me from the dark," he muttered. "Don't let me die here, don't let me." 

"I won't allow it," I said as I smoothed my hand down his head and onto his back. "I'll save you from your own darkness." 

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