I don't want to be yours. I don't want to be anybodies. I want to be me. I want to be Boston. I want to forget about the past and live my life. I want to be noticed but unnoticed by you. Leave me alone, Liam, because this time we really will kill each other. Don't try and find me, because I don't want my memories to haunt me like they happened yesterday. Like Hollywood says, two celebrities never make it out alive. And we are the perfect example.


1. fuck you

"No one dies a virgin. The world fucks us all the time."


It's been four years. Four. My American accent has almost completely left me as the South Africa slang touches my tongue. Really, I don't miss home. I don't miss California. I don't miss the beach or the summer music. I love it here. 

What about him? Who? Liam? I haven't seen him since he told me to leave his apartment in London those many years ago. Well I haven't seen him personally anyway. 

Just because I live in the lower region of Africa doesn't mean I don't see the tabloids and celebrity gossips. Actually they are worse here. Since I left, the band has broken up. I'm sure it was due to Louis, because he could never be replaced. Also Harry has been missing, vanishing from the magazines and television. Niall and Zayn? Who knows. Liam? He's doing well. 

He has reached his solo career, is modeling, and spending the rest of his time fucking every girl he sees. Well that's what I've been told anyway. 

How about me? Well my mom still works for the elephant sanctuary and I've been 'picked up'. Liam's not the only one who's a model. At first I thought it was bizarre how a simple shopping trip to Cape Town could change my life dramatically. Knowing my mother she made me agree and I was quickly taken to an agency. 

I leave the country more than what I like, spending time in New York City and Paris, but I refuse to go to England. Pluto, my agent, doesn't seem to mind because he's been trying to get me set up with Victoria's Secret for over a year. 

If anything, this is not how I expected my life to go. I'm anything but model material, but it's exciting. Getting invited to parties and red carpets, and the festivals! Okay so yea I mostly do the job to get me to the other rewards, but I honestly didn't care. I was paid a lot, and I had fun a lot. What more could I ask for? 

"There you go Libby," I said to the little newborn elephant. I spend a lot of time with Libby, even though she's less than a month old. I feed her, wash her, almost like a family pet. Actually all elephants are like our family pets. I mean with living in a safari, the elephants sleep in our back yard at night and greet us by the windows in the morning. 

Yea, I like South Africa a lot. 

Libby runs off to meet up with her mother who just got down with her visit from my mom. I smile as she wobbly runs away. 

No more worries, no more anything. 

No more Liam. 

Fuck you, Liam. Yea. "Fuck you," I muttered before turning around and heading into the house. 

~~Liam's POV~~

"What do you mean you can't find her?!" I yelled into the microphone of my iPhone. The stylist was measuring me for a new outfit, fit for the Burberry fashion show this week, but I had more important matters on my hands. 

"I'm sorry, Liam," said Jeremy. "You are trying to find one of the most unfindable people on the planet, you know that right? She's the Prime Minister's daughter, he has the resources to relocate the Queen in space. She's going to be hard to find, especially if she changed her name, social security number or anything like that." 

"It's been four years, Jeremy," I started. "I'll give you a month before I kill you and make you unfindable myself."

I heard him exhale, "Okay, I will try my hardest. I'll call you if I hear or find anything new." 

I closed the phone call and dropped my phone onto the dressing table. "Almost done Margaret?"

I looked down as she placed one last needle into the fabric. "Yes, you can go change now."

"Or," I said as I took her by the hand and brought her to her feet. "We can both go change." Margaret has been my stylist for years now and she was only two years older than me. Her red hair framed her face, with the small freckles that scattered her face. 

Once upon a time she was the girlfriend of a close friend of mine. Well she still is. 

"Liam, not today," she said simply as she backed away. "I have a dinner date with Ed, tonight, before the awards."

"I'll call him," I said as I stepped closer. 

She closed her eyes for a second and that's all I needed to reach her and begin to undress her as I licked up her neck. I stopped marking women, especially the girlfriends of my friends. Boston was the last person I marked, and then like hot water poured over me, she flooded my mind again. 

I'm used to her invading my mind, but it's constant now. I can't engage in one fucking without thinking about her. It was growing close to ridiculous and that's why I was stressing for Jeremy to find her. 

I figured it would be hard to find her, knowing her father, and the restraining order placed on me, but I would still find her. She was somewhere out there. 

I have thought of various scenarios. Where she's at or who she's with. The one that makes me the most upset is knowing that wherever she's at, Harry could be with her. He vanished from everywhere, and no one knows where he's at either. 

I grew frustrated, that possibly he's with her, taking my place. Loving her a different way. 

"Liam? Liam, you're hurting me."

Margaret brought me out of my thoughts. I looked down at my hands and saw the way they gripped her wrists. Rough, hard, I loosened my grip.

"Sorry," I muttered. 

"Stop thinking about her," she said. "She obviously doesn't want to be found, and the paps think you're going insane trying to find this girl." 

"I'm not going mad," I said back to her.

She released herself from my grip and reached for her shirt that I somehow managed to get off her. "Find a different girl, Liam. I got to go get ready for tonight. You should too. Your suit is in the closet. I'll see you at the Brits." 

She exited the house. I no longer own the flat Louis and I stayed out, mostly because I trashed it, but in a huge mansion on the suburbs of London. I walked over to the closet and started to removed the suit already on me. I found the one marked as 'Brits' in Margaret's writing. 

This will be the first time. The first time I will be performing without One Direction.

I felt sick. 


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