yesterday

I don't want to be yours. I don't want to be anybodies. I want to be me. I want to be Boston. I want to forget about the past and live my life. I want to be noticed but unnoticed by you. Leave me alone, Liam, because this time we really will kill each other. Don't try and find me, because I don't want my memories to haunt me like they happened yesterday. Like Hollywood says, two celebrities never make it out alive. And we are the perfect example.

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22. danielle

"What in the bloody fucking hell is going on?" Louis shouted as he walked through the front door. It was New Year's Eve, two more days and the tour would start again. 

"What are you talking about?" Liam asked. He and I were sitting on the couch, waiting for the countdown to begin. 

"You're engaged?" 

"What?" I blurted. "We aren't--."

"Bo," Liam started. "She's promised, that's all."

"Then you might as well be engaged. The press is going insane outside. Have you seen the post this morning?" 

I was confused. I stood up and went to the balcony. I opened the curtains just a little and peeked outside. Photographers were going insane, snapping pictures with the brightness of a flash. 

"Bo," said Liam. I felt his hand wrap around my waist. "Get away from there." 

I let the curtains fall back in place. "What are we going to do?" 

"What management would want. We lie." 

"You hate what management wants," I said looking up at him. 

"This we must do," he said as he looked down onto my hand and plucked the Chanel ring from my finger. He kissed the bare fingertip before placing the ring in his jean pocket. 

"Do you honestly think a ring changes anything? People, tons of people, know the truth. You can't expect them to just forget about this…about us. It's just not logical, Liam. You and I, people know, the world knows. Who are you hiding us from?"

"What? That's crazy. Why would I want to hide us?" 

I backed away from him, "You're doing a damn good job keeping us a secret. Not letting me go to the shows, not letting me use the phones or computers--."

"What?" Started Louis. "You run off stage--."

"There are mean people in the world, they will treat you horribly once they find out--."

"No, Liam, not they. Who? What aren't you telling me?"

"Liam," I heard Louis. "Please, tell me--." 

"Who is she, Liam? Who else have you marked?" He wasn't talking, his eyes not even looking at me. "You bastard." I bit down on my bottom lip. 

"You don't understand, Bo. I thought we were over. You've said so many times you didn't want to see me--."

"So you go to another woman?! Who the fuck is she, Liam?!" 

"Liam?" The voice came from no one. It was sweet, innocent, and so utterly hurt. We all looked towards the girl with curly hair, darker complexion, and amazingly beautiful. "Liam, we need to talk." 

"The hell you do," I said towards her. "You have no right--."

"Please, Boston, I'm so sorry," she started. "I never meant for any of this."

I rolled my eyes, "Who are you?" 

"Danielle," said Louis. 

"Danielle?" I repeated. "You know her?" 

"She was basically the first you, Boston" said Louis as he walked over to her and gave her hug. "But, but I thought you were in America, engaged to a dancer." 

"I am," she said. "Boston, I apologize. I'm the reason for so many of your problems. I knew Liam years ago, right after Jessica. I cut off my connection with him after our affair, but in the past couple of weeks--."

"Please," I started, fighting the tears. "Please, just stop." 

"But in South Africa," she started, but Liam hushed her.

"Shut up, Danielle," he told her.

"Wait," my eyes opened wide. "What about South Africa?" 

She took a breath, "I'm so so sorry. But that night at Sensation…."

I covered my mouth. No. 

"…I was a dancer for the show…."

That why he wasn't there. 

"…I saw him after the show and we begun to talk…."

He was never looking for me. 

"…If I didn't see him, we would've never talked. You probably would have never been…you know."

"No, I don't know," I said harshly. She has been nothing but my problems. She was the start of everything. "Go ahead, Danielle. Say it. I was raped. Raped!" 

"Boston," she begun to show tears and I rolled my eyes.

"Don't throw some pity party for yourself. I think it's best you leave." She nodded and I looked away from her. "I need a cigarette." 

I walked past her and into the bedroom. I opened the balcony door and pulled a cigarette from one of my hidden boxes. I trembled as I lit the bud, and then continued to watch the debacle unfolding on the asphalt below me. I inhaled the sweet, sour smoke. 

Leaning against the door frame, I didn't want to believe a thing. How? How was I so stupid? 

"Boston," I heard my name and I looked towards the door. 

It was her. "Don't you get it? Go away." 

"I thought we could talk," she said. "Can I have one of those?" 

I looked at her with hooded eyes as I saw her looking at my cigarette. "There," I threw her the box and she caught it. "Do you understand how much I want to call the police? Get you thrown out of here."

"I know," she said as she lit her cigarette. "I would do the same. Boston, I never ever wanted to take him from you."

"If your here to tell me that you two are running off together. You don't have my blessing." I took another drag.

"I'm not running off with anyone. What happened with Liam and I was a complete mistake. My fiancee was also having an affair--."

"So you take another girl's love?" 

"No," she started. "I only just wanted to talk. I would talk with him after the concerts, and he would help me with my problems--."

"Sex--."

"To get back my fiancee. My intimacy with Liam was something of the past. I even tried my hardest to wash him from my past. See," she turned around and lifted her dress, pulling down her stockings just a little. The Liam tattoo gone. "I've gotten him removed from me. I just confided so much trust in him and had no one else to turn too." 

"Then why didn't he want me to use the computers or phones? If you already knew about me?"

"What he said was true," she inhaled on her cigarette. "Those girls might seem sweet, but they can also be the meanest people you'll ever encounter. I was affected by it and I hated it. I tried to commit suicide from it." She lifted her long sleeve and a long scar from her wrist to almost her elbow was still visible. 

"That explains why he doesn't like when I self harm."

"No, Boston. Every girl that was connected to him and was abused by the press and the fans, showed some type of weakness. It's difficult, and not just for anyone. He doesn't want you exposed to it, because he loves you. More than he loved any of those girls. He wants to protect you."

"What are you saying?" I threw the leftover cigarette over the balcony railing. 

She did the same before looking back at me. "He doesn't want to lie about you being promised, but he has too. It's the only way to protect you. Soon everything will become easier, maybe it is easier. It's been years, maybe the fans have disappeared, but Liam having the reputation he has, it won't be easy. He knows what's best, and he wants to share his life, his everything with you. Something I could never have, but it's in your reach. You won't regret it. Liam is special, and he will treat you with incredible luxury, unforgettable love, and indescribable memories."

"Then why are you here? Why put this burden on me?"

"Liam called me. He wanted me to explain, and to tell you about the life you could have with him, if you take it slow. Go to fast and everything will be destroyed like it was for us. I was one of the lucky ones. You are the saved one, don't take it for granted, Boston." She turned after that, going back to the door. 

"How can I just forgive him for everything he has done to me?"

"Done to you?" She turned back. "You've let him do a lot of the things, but let it go. It's in the past. Tomorrowland, it's over, Boston. Let it go, but don't let him go, and he won't let you go." 

I watched her walk away and as I looked out through the balcony window again the horizon was white, like snow was about to fall. It should snow, white flecks falling from the sky, letting the cold touch my skin. 

"Boston, Boston," I heard my name being called. I rolled my head on the door frame. "Boston."

"Hmm," I rolled my head to the side and opened my eyes. Liam was beside me, my head was on a pillow. I turned to look up at the ceiling and then to the balcony. The curtain was closed, the door was closed. 

"You had one hell of a dream," he muttered into my ear as I felt his hot breath on my neck. 

I brought my hand up and saw the eternity diamonds circling my ring finger. 

"What's wrong?" He asked me. 

"Was Louis here?"

"What?" He smiled. "The guys know not to interrupt us."

"Does anyone know about me being promised?"

"No? It only happened last night, Bo. News doesn't spread the fast unless we have a ghost." 

"Who's Danielle?"

His face dropped. "How do you know that name?" 

I sat up, "Who is she, Liam?" 

"Just a name form my past."

"Is she married now?"

"I don't understand," he sat up beside me. 

"She was engaged to that dancer in America. Did they ever get married?" 

His eyes narrowed as he got up off the bed. "She was never engaged, Bo. I'm confused how do you know her?"

"I've learned a lot. Where is she? Why isn't she married, you were talking to her. She said she was having problems in her relationship and you were helping her solve them?"

"Boston, I'm worried. I haven't talked to Danielle in years."

"But she said, she was here." 

"No, Bo, that's a mistake. Danielle never came here, she never stepped into this house. 

"Why? What happened?"

"Bo, Danielle she couldn't handle the pressure. The media--."

"What happened?" I pushed. 

"She committed suicide. She cut her arm upwards."

I shook my head. "How--How long ago?"

"Ten years ago…today."

I exhaled, "I'm so sorry," I muttered. "Now I know why you don't like when I cut. Why didn't you ever tell me?" 

"It happened when we were in Australia. She didn't want to come to the show that night and the fans who didn't get tickets stood outside our hotels. She stood on the balcony watching the fans below. They would scream and scream at her. I found her in the bathroom when I got back. She wrote on the little notepad they give you in hotel rooms; she told me that one day I would find someone strong enough, but she wasn't it. I try to forget my past, Bo. That's the reason I kept you away from the shows, I don't allow computers or phones. The press and other fans only know this is my house because of the past, but when we are somewhere they can find you, I'm with you. My security makes sure when I'm on tour they tell the media we are staying in one hotel and put us in another."

"She…She said you talked in South Africa, at Sensation," I needed to know. 

"I didn't talk to anyone. I just had this urge to find you, and not stop looking. Did you dream of her?" 

I shook my head. "It happened here. Louis was here and said something about our promising getting out in the press." 

"I'm not sure how you've come to dream of her. Bo, I'm sorry--."

"Liam!" 

We both looked towards the bedroom door. 

"Boston!" 

"Is that Lou?" Liam asked as he went to the bedroom door. 

I heard the front door open. "What in the bloody fucking hell is going on?" Louis shouted. 

"What are you talking about?" Liam asked him. 

"You're engaged?" 

My dream was becoming a reality. Except it was happening sooner than what I thought. New Year's Eve was tomorrow, that's when this was supposed to happen. I had to handle this, I knew how too.

I stood up from the bed and went towards Liam. "Here," I handed him my ring. 

"What are you doing?" Liam was flabbergasted. 

"We're doing what management would want us to do. We're gonna lie." 

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