My English Teacher

I put my trust in him. He showed me what it's like to love again and what it's like to be loved. But we will have to knock down walls to be together.

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2. Trust in me

The day went by slowly. Soon the lunch bell rang. I packed my stuff and stood up. Before I could leave I heard my name being called.

"Andrea can you stay behind I need to talk with you." Mr. Tomlinson said. I turned and nodded throwing my bag on a couch. He stood up and shut the door. He motioned me to sit down. I did. He went to his desk and tossed me a bar of chocolate. He sat on the couch facing me. 

"Mr. Tomlinson what's this for?" I asked smirking. He smiled. 

"Tell me, what do those girls do to you." He said. My smirk faded. I shook my head. "Andrea please, I can only help you if I know whats going on." He pleaded. 

"I don't need your help." I said. He was my teacher, I couldn't tell him. He stared intensely at me. 

"Fine don't tell. Read it out." He said referring to my journal. I knew he wasn't going to leave the subject alone. I pulled out my 500 page journal. I opened it to the first page. I flicked my eyes up to my teachers he nodded encouraging me to continue. I started to read.

" May 21st 2012

My therapist thought that this whole journal thing would be good for me. I think its bullshit. I don't see the point in writing when I can barely breathe. Without him, I'm nothing. I was there. I was sitting next to him when the crash came. I remember the sound of the metal piercing the metal. The musky smell of the air bag as it collided with my chest and face. The feeling of the seat belt digging into my chest. I remember the coppery taste that filled my mouth as salty tears rolled down my cheeks. The feeling of weightlessness as our car spun in the air. We were flung from the car. I broke my leg and hip. I cried in pain, screamed for help, screamed for the boy that stole my heart. I looked around me and it looked like a war zone. 

That's when I saw him. My boyfriend lying in the green grass. I crawled to him. I tried to wake him up but the last three words that slipped from his perfect lips that used to kiss me, that used to tell me I'm beautiful, the last three words were I love you. Then he slipped away. He left me alone and in pain, physically and emotionally. That day changed me. Not for better but for worse, that day... I wished I could have died. 

His parents found a ring in his room, next to a letter, a speech. He was going to propose. He wanted to marry me. Why did he die? I think it's god's way of telling me I'm nothing. No one will ever love me. Everyday I slowly bleed out. I wake up in the night screaming for him but he will never come again. I hate myself for it. He was driving me home from a friends house because she had to go to the hospital. He was focused on me rather than the road. He died because of me. I hate myself for it. I will never forgive myself for it and neither will everyone at school including his sister. 

I want to die but I can't I don't deserve it. I don't deserve to escape all of this pain. Every punch kick, insult, and shove they inflict on me I deserve. Because I am nothing, I am worthless, Daniel failed to see that and it got him killed. "

I finished reading my first entry forgetting how much sorrow and pain it brought. I looked up at Mr. Tomlinson. His eyes were puffy. "Andrea we have still 50 minutes continue please." He said voice cracking. 

"Mr. Tomlinson.... I can't it hurts. It hurts so much...." I cried. Soon I felt a pair of strong arms wrap themselves around my body and pull me close. 

"I know Andrea. But trust in me that it will only get better." He said. I nodded.

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