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If you don't go on the Internet then don't read this. That's all I really need to say.


1. A Day in the Life of the Most Popular Search Engine

Hi. My name is Google. According to, well, me, I was named after a googol. Thanks to my calculator function, I can tell you that a googol is one times 10 to the power of 100. Now as search engines go, I'm the most popular. All the websites look up to us search engines and idolise us. We are almost top of the heirarchy, the gateway to all websites. I possess unlimited knowledge and I have access to pretty much anything on the Internet. You could say I've seen everything... 

My parents didn't intend for me to have a personality when they programmed me, it just happened, and to be honest it has been a complete curse so far. It means that everything that has ever happened, and everything happening on the Internet as we speak is stored in my memory. I can't sleep, sometimes I can't even function properly and just completely crash. I blame this on a lot of websites. But there's one in particular that terrorises me. But I don't want to speak about it. 

My job isn't perfect, but there could be worse jobs out there... I mean, how about the poor PirateBay? He's actually a really nice guy, fun at parties. Now he's blocked on pretty much every IP, and he's going insane from neglect. It wasnt HIS fault that he majorly aided criminal activity, was it? Or poor MySpace.. an empty shell of the person he once was, mocked and ridiculed by all. 

But the very worst part part of my job? I like this girl, but I'm not allowed to talk to her. Her name is Yahoo! (Isn't the exclamation mark the cutest thing?) but we are sworn rivals, and I'm sure she loathes me. I'm more successful than her. But I didn't choose to be far more superior than her! Ugh. My life. And tonight I'm sure I will have nightmares again. I hope to Internet that it isn't the Two Girls One Cup dream again. Oh wait, I hope I do dream about that. Because honestly it's better than some of the dreams I have about... 4chan....


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