Don't Let Me Go

"Don't go." I listened to him. I stayed. We did what you think we would.. we did it. I, Harry Styles, ignored management and did what I have always wanted to do to the one I love. Louis Tomilson and I had sex. And I just have to say.. It was great. But then we tell the others. Someone was hiding something. It might just change everything because of this one secret.


9. Hopefully, and painfully surviving.


Harry's P.O.V:


   I drag myself across the hall to re-enter Niall's room.

"I dunno. He... he hates me, I guess," I comment as I fall onto Niall's bed. "Has good reason to, too." I sigh, throwing my head into my palms, pulling my fingers through it's thick curls.

"Harry," starts Niall, "this... this probably really hurts Louis. He doesn't know what's happening. He..." I can tell he's struggling with what to say - Wondering if there's a way to call me a dickhead tactfully. "Harry... you cheated on your life-long love - twice; broke up; then, right after, came and blew me. After getting caught, you continued..." Not... really very tactful, but-- "I'm so sorry, Harry."

"What?!" I couldn't help shrieking.

"It's all my fault... I'm so, so sorry..."

I sit, totally flabbergasted; jaw hanging. Eyes large. "What...? Niall, this isn't your fault...!"

   Niall sat with his eyes screwed shut, hands in fists, shaking with anger and desperation. "Yes, it is, Harry! You can't deny that if I hadn't told you I had a crush on you, nothing would have transpired like this! It's all my fault!" Tears run quickly down his flushed cheeks, and his words are muffled due to his heavy sobs.

"Oh... Niall," I wrap my arms around him, resting my head on his shoulder. "please don't blame yourself for this. You're not the one who had a reason not to... continue, with... what we did. You're not the reason I went through with all of this-- Well... Rather, you didn't make me do this. It's not your fault."

"I feel so horrible!!" he sobs, and it breaks my heart. "I wish I had never even let my emotions show!"

"Niall, you're fine. You're not to blame. It's my fault. All my fault."

"I'm sorry..."


"I want to tell Louis sorry."

"What?" I pull away, partly taken aback [though I'm not sure why because it's completely reasonable]. "N-Now?"

He whiped his eyes, looking at me. "Uh-huh. Yes, I would like to, now."


Louis' P.O.V:


   "I am dying..." I mumble to myself once more, after several minutes of comfortable silence. "What in hell is going on?"

How could any of this be actually happening... Oh, how I wish I knew. Why... why has Harry left me for Niall? Why... am I jealous of Harry. Because he got to Niall before I could.

Jesus christ... you're fucking screwed up, Tomlinson. Completely and utterly screwed up.

"I... I don't get it!" I spat to myself in frustration. "What's happening...?" I let myself go limp.

I glance over to a framed picture on the night table; It's only of me, Harry, and Niall. I frown, rolling my eyes over.

All of our eyes are bright and wide. Harry's the greenest I've ever seen them. Niall's... the bluest.

"Damnit, he's sexy..."

I bring a fist to my head and pound myself. "Who, you stupid idiot?! Who's sexy?!" Who do you love?!

I grinned my teeth as tears begin to form in my eyes. I reach over, slamming the frame facedown, hard enough to break the glass.

   Do I love Harry or not...? Pft, of course I do. But he obviously doesn't. If he did... he... he wouldn't have done that. Right? Right.

Not like I'm any better. I'm effin' jealous of the ass for sucking Niall off! But... Niall won't ever love me, neither. Who would love someone like me, anyway...? I could disappear, without a trace... and no one'd care.

And that's exactly what I'll do. Well, kinda.


- ~***~ - ~***~ - ~***~ - ~***~ -


   I spring up from my seat on the bed and rush into my bathroom, pulling the door shut behind me, locking it.

   I stare myself down in the mirror; I almost appear as just a shell of Louis Tomlinson. I was Louis Tomlinson only mere hours ago... Now... he's dead and gone. Everything he's ever loved, hated, knew, and was, is completely gone. He's already dead, all that's left is his body to get rid.

   I push open the medicine cabinet inside the mirror. Thank god I'm like the only person who stashes this shit.

Cold medicine, sinus shit, cough syrup and pain relievers. Perfect.

"Louis, can I come in?" he says from outside the bedroom door.

"Shit...! Goddamnit, Niall!" I hiss under my breath.

I don't answer him and continue on. I first grab the bottle of Tylenol, franticly twisting and screwing the cap.

After finally getting the cap off I empty the rest of the bottle into my palm - about 10 capsules, give or take. I close my eyes and bring my hand to my lips.

Everything seems to slow down, as I open my mouth and the pills fall onto my tongue.

The door slams open,

"Wait, Louis, don't!"

and I swallow.

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