Summer Love

A retelling of Severus' first and only love, Lily Evans.

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7. Could This Really Be Goodbye?

"Lily!" a loud voice again called to her. Severus! Usually, Lily would've been so glad to hear that voice calling to her, asking her if she needed help carrying her books, or if she would like company as she walked to class, or if she had those Defense Against the Dark Arts notes he could copy. But today was different. She didn't feel that rush of joy to hear her name in the mouth of her best friend.

"Go away, Severus. I don't want to talk about it." the acerbity in her voice was unmistakable.

"Lily, please. I- you know I didn't mean to call you a mudblood! It just-"

"Slipped out, yeah, I get it." She turned to face him. "Ever since you joined that silly Death Eaters club, you've never been the same. Your smile? Hasn't even come out for a while. Your laugh? It's hollow and empty. Your thoughts? They're dark now, Sev, and I don't know who you are anymore. All my friends ask why I still stick up for you, and you know what? I don't even KNOW anymore! Maybe they were right. Maybe I should go with James to the End of Term Dance. It may be my last chance to hang out with my real freinds. Friends who don't let others affect how they see their friends."

She blinked back tears as she turned to walk away, but Severus couldn't blink his back fast enough. They spilled over his face and he was glad the hallway was empty. Like he needed another foul nickname, having everyone see him cry on the last day of school, and of course only remember that when they see each other again next year. "Lily- wait-"

Hearing the brokenness in his voice, Lily turned. "Oh, Severus-" she could no longer hold her own tears when she saw his. Tears she hadn't seen- flash!

Suddenly, she wasn't in the hallway, but in a memory. She was watching Severus talk to Petunia from afar, feeling all over again the sudden jealousy of seeing her new friend with her sister. But seeing Petunia almost scream at him, her face tear-streaked and splotchy, gave her sudden guilt for being jealous.

Flash! There she was again, nine-and-three-quarters years old, and Petunia, saying- "a freak. You and that Snape boy- you're going to a school for freaks!" and her reply of, "that's not what you were saying to Mum when you wrote the headmaster a letter, begging him to accept you," and the terrible guilt she felt after.

Flash! There was a loud cheering as the hat yelled, "Gryffindor!" and Lily hopped down and went to meet her new classmates, the guilt she later felt for leaving Severus alone, and the horrible aloneness she saw in his eyes, every time she talked to another Gryffindor, or when she told him that, hey, maybe James wasn't so bad after all, maybe he had changed.

And then it was over, just like that. And Lily was back in the corridor, still feeling terrible guilt. And there was her best friend, crying, Lily wished she could stop crying with him.

"Sever-"

"Stop," he said. His voice was raspy, like he hadn't spoken in a long time. "Lily, I'm so sorry. I know- I haven't been there for you. But I can change- and I can prove it. But first... there is something I've always... I need to... I mean... let me try something," he took a deep breath.

Though she didn't know why she did, Lily closed her eyes, breathing hard.

Severus stepped closer to her- so their bodies were almost touching. He took another deep breath and leaned in so his mouth was a mere half-inch from Lily's. Her lips parted, and she knew what was to happen now. Severus closed his own eyes. Their lips touched, so gently, and he leaned in a little bit more, closing his lips around hers. Severus' arms went around Lily's body, trapping her there, she didn't try to fight it.

It was both of their first kiss, and neither one knew what to expect. Lily was so confused, she knew she loved Severus, but for some reason, it didn't feel right. It didn't make sense. She knew that familiar smell, like melted chocolate and the grass that grew on the schoolyard, and she liked it, but today it wasn't right. Her mouth told her, it desired to feel a different pair of lips on it. Deep inside, her love for Severus was there, but he had ruined it so long ago, even though she knew she was meant to be with Severus, her very soul told her that, but it had disappeared so long ago it was impossible to rediscover. It was too late- she wasn't in love with Severus anymore. Her heart told her that part. She had lost her feelings for Severus when he'd changed, so drastically, and now she knew the love that had grown for another was too strong now to ignore. She no longer was in love with Severus Snape.

She pulled away sudddenly. Severus dropped his hands. Lily shook her head slowly, understanding.

"Severus- it's too late," she said. "You blew it. I did love you, but you ruined that too long ago. My heart belongs to James now."

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