Jacob's diary

How can I go on with my world when my boy is no longer here? I wake up everyday and the first thing I do is feel like I can't face the day ahead without my son. I had to keep him alive and the only way I could do that was to make sure he lived his life through my diary. What did he do when he grew up? who did he fall in love with? I was going to give him the life that was taken so he would still be with me.




I don't know who was stressing more with their packing, Sara or myself. I had a list of everything that must be packed, a list that had long been abandoned. I checked over and over how much underwear I had packed and how many towels I wanted. Darren asked me why I was packing pillow cases and I told him to go worry about his own packing, he had already finished. I don't know why it takes men no time at all to pack. DO they not have anything that they need apart from shirt and shorts and underpants? Now I had to focus on my mission. I had all my toiletries on the bed ready to pack up in the little travel bag that was then going to go into my luggage, hang on. Was I allowed to put that into my luggage these days? Now I would haver to waste more time online trying to find out what goes where.

Sara had walked the bedroom and was looking at all the stuff that was still on the bed in little piles. She gave me a sympathetic look. She continued on to her room where I heard her zipping up a case. Jacob, like his father, Had packed up his case ages ago and it was down stairs waiting to be loaded onto the car. He was now sitting in the living room on his  x-box, making up the time he was going to lose being away from it. I had noticed he packed up his pad and pencils. He told me that he didn't want to miss the opportunity if he saw a sight he wanted to capture. He had packed away his camera also so he could work on things more when we returned home.

I had always been nervous of flying, it wasn't the whole terrorist situation of recant years. I just didn't like the thought of being that high up in the sky where there was only way to go. When I was small my mother had taken us on a short flight and I had screamed all of the way their and most of the way back home. I don't know why I felt that way but I was only happy when my feet were firmly back on solid ground. Jacob had told me that he wanted to sit near a window to look out, he was more than welcome to sit by the window because I wasn't in any rush to take up that seat.

"All packed!" Asked Darren as I entered the kitchen to lock the backdoor. "Any clothes left in the wardrobe?"

"Very funny!" I said as I turned to check all of the windows.

"We might need to stop at the shop on the way." Sara said. "I need something for the car."

"Sure." Darren picked up my case and pretended it was heavy as he left the room.

"Let's get this holiday started!" said Jacob and hurried over to the front door."


I had been looking forward to this time away together. We all needed a break and I knew that Sara still thought about her mother. I had heard her crying sometimes and I had wanted to go into her room and comfort her but I knew that she needed private grieving time as well as words of comfort. Jacob had been a rock to her and I was so proud of him. Darren worked so hard to bring in the money for us to have the life that we have. I wanted him to relax and enjoy this holiday and to not worry about work, strict rule, no work calls on holiday! It was our family time and we were privileged to be able to do this and that wasn't forgotten by myself for one second. The world was a tough place right now for so many families. I had heard on the news that some families were forced to use food banks because they just could not feed themselves and their families. I heard that some children were going to school with no breakfast and stealing other children's food. This needed to be addressed by our governments before our society fell to pieces.

As we drove along Jacob and Sara were both in the back of the car listening to their music players and sharing videos on their phones. Darren was concentrating on the road while he listened to one of his own music albums on the car player. Sara had asked what the Hell that old folks music was. I had tried not to laugh myself. Darren had protested that this music had stood the test of time. Jacob laughed and asked him did music go back that far into time. I looked out of the window and enjoyed the sunshine. It was a bit of a journey to airport but I knew that we would all find entertainment, even if that was at the expense of Darren's music.

The hustle of the airport was as crazy as it always was. A woman was shouting at someone because her flight had been delayed and now she had missed the next flight. The man politely told her that he was only here to clean the toilets, but he was sorry all the same that she missed her flight. A family were all busy waiting for their flight while the father sat with his arms crossed sound asleep, his kids were running the mum into the ground and I felt sorry for her.

"I think we have about two hours." Darren looked up at the flight board and then at his watch.

"Shall we go get something to eat?" I asked looking around.

"Burgers!" Jacob and Sara said at the same time and we all laughed.

"I guess that has decided that one." Darren nodded over to where the burger bar was.

As we tucked into our burgers Jacob told us that we needed to take photos of our journey from airport to destination. We had to have loads of pictures to bore everyone with when we got home. It was his little project and he said he was going to put together a film of our time away as well. I could just him in the movie business directing and editing a films. I was sure that he could do anything like that. His love for creativity never ceased to amaze me.

"Do I get paid for being in this movie?" asked Sara

"No your doing it for free because your my sister and its just for the exposure"

"Charmed." Sara pointed a finger at Jacob. "Just make sure get my good side."

"What side would that be?" We all laughed and Sara sat back in her chair with her arms folded.

"We should head back." Darren said. "We don't want to be late."

"Are you nervous?" Sara asked me.

"A little." I said as I got up.

"Don't worry they might put a film on to take your mind off it." Darren said.

"Final destination." Said Jacob and Sara burst out laughing but I had no idea what they were laughing about.



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