Jacob's diary

How can I go on with my world when my boy is no longer here? I wake up everyday and the first thing I do is feel like I can't face the day ahead without my son. I had to keep him alive and the only way I could do that was to make sure he lived his life through my diary. What did he do when he grew up? who did he fall in love with? I was going to give him the life that was taken so he would still be with me.


14. broken window and a hospital meeting

I had been given the personal time off that I requested but I knew that it wasn't going to go down well. I was a new starter and this wasn't good for my first review when it arrived. I called Tiffany to find out that she had been suspended from work. It seems her till had been fifty pounds down for three days running. No one else should have your code and so she was under investigation. I couldn't believe that she would do something like that. I knew that she was struggling just like everyone else in this country, but to steal, that wasn't her. I was sure someone must have gained her code somehow. Tiffany said that the camera over her tills wasn't working so they couldn't check to see who had taken the money. I just hoped that it would work in her favour. The poor woman needed that job and God knows what she would do without it.

I was getting ready for the hospital visit. The nurse I had spoken to told me that they had arranged for a psychiatric test to be conducted with Darren and that I should go and see him. I went to the front door, grabbing my car keys on the way. I just got outside the house when I saw that the window on the car had been smashed. I hurried over to it and saw Mr Harris, the nosey neighbour, outside trimming the hedge, how covenant. I look over to him and he smiled back at me.

"Did you see anyone?" I asked him.

"Well I'm not one to gossip, dear. I heard a noise in the night and I thought it was kids."

"Did you look outside, see anyone?" I asked getting upset.

"I keep myself to myself, dear. I don't get involved."

I turned away from Mr Harris. I didn't have time for any of his bullshit. I got onto the phone and called the insurance people who told me that they would send someone out later to fix the screen. I told them that I needed to be at the hospital and what time I would likely be home. I looked across the street to see if Mr's Burton was home, her car was off of the drive. This meant that I would have to go take the bus to the hospital. I hadn't used public transport for many years and I wasn't even sure how much it was into town anymore. This was already turning into the day from hell for me. Why did they have to pick me, of all the houses in the street, why mine? Now I was getting angry and turned from the car and walked down the path. Time was moving on and I had to get to hospital.

The smell of the hospital hit me as I walked in. I made my way off to the elevator and pressed the button for the ward. I stepped out of the lift and headed down the long corridor. It was strangely eerie. I couldn't help but imagine what it must be like at night. It was a depressing place and not one that I would want to stay. I noticed a young nurse at the nurses station and she smiled as I walked up to it. She was the same nurse I had seen the previous day. She got up and greeted me.

"Hello, how are you today?"

"Well, I've been better and someone has smashed the window on my car so I had to get the bus"

"Oh, well lets hope that's the end of the bad luck." She gave a sympathetic smile.

"How is Darren?" I glanced over at him. He was asleep.

"The psychiatric nurse has spoken with him. I know they would like him to go into a recovery programme."

"Has he agreed?"

"well we had a little resistance, typical man." We both laughed. "He agreed in the end."

"There is so much we need to sort out. I'm afraid to talk about it because I don't want to push him over the edge."

"Look, I know they will speak with you also. Try not to worry about things at the moment. Take each step at a time. When he is stronger I'm sure things can be worked out."

"Thank you." I said and headed over to Darren's bed.

As Darren was still sleeping I decided to get myself a coffee. I walked down the corridor to where the machines were lined up. I noticed a man hitting the chocolate machine in anger and several nurses scolded him for his actions. I put my coin into the machine and made my selections. I was about to reach for my coffee when I heard a voice behind me. I froze for a moment.

"Hello, Judy."

"It's my time with Darren." Cindy was shaking. I don't know what she thought I was going to do.

"It's ok, I will go to the canteen." Cindy looked tired. "If I had known..."

"Look, we need to talk anyway." I couldn't help but glance down at her tummy.

"I'm not showing yet." She nervously touched her tummy.

"When I've seen Darren, we should talk."

"Well how about midday, after I have seen Darren."

"fine." I was a bit sharp. "I will meet you in the canteen at twelve."




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