Before I Die

After losing both of her parents and walking straight into a life of bullying, Allison one day collapses on the sidewalk in the cold winter snow.
When she wakes up at the hospital, she wakes up to a smiling face. But what she didn't know was that the unknown boy was the famous Justin Bieber.
She'd promised herself to never trust anyone but Samantha (her best friend) but will Justin change everything? And what happens when she finds out the truth and gets dragged straight into the spotlight?

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9. Never Loved

Justin's POV

While Allison was in the shower I sat and thought about earlier. Why did she cut me off and made such a huge change of subject? There was probably more that she haven’t told yet. Maybe she doesn’t want me to know, or she's too shy or insecure to tell me. The only thing I was sure of was that my heart has chosen her now. My heart wants her and I'm not wondering why - She's just so real in every way. But I need to know more, more about her life – more about her. I need to fix her, maybe I can't fix her hundred percent but I'm going to try to heal some wounds.

°°°

Allison's POV

While I let the warm water stream down my body, I thought about today. It was all so perfect, and then I ruined it. Then it hit me. Shit. Now he thinks that I don't like him – He probably feels rejected. My heart just sank; why did I have to say what I said, do what I did? I haven't thought about anything else than him the past few days and now I had to ruin it all. I broke down in the shower, sitting on the stone floor while the water touched my skin. Just like the shower, my eyes let down water.

After the shower and the break down I quickly found the hoodie and the sweatpants from the morning and pulled them on. My hair was still wet, so I decided to put it up in a bun this time so the clothes wouldn't get wet. Then I quickly ran downstairs, determinant to tell him and explain what I did. But when I came downstairs I could hear a second voice – Scooter was here again. I went back upstairs, not really caring if they were talking about me or not. I just didn't want to interrupt them. Again, I sat by my window watching the busy city of New York.

°°°

Justin's POV

I'm so glad Scooter is back here. I really needed to talk to someone about my feelings. Not that I would tell him what happened today, that just seems a little 'private', but the fact that I'm falling for Allison. She's so shy, but so alive. I'm just too confused.

"Scooter?" I gave him a worried look so he knew that this was serious.

"You look worried kid, tell me." He was determinant to listen to me, but I still couldn't tell him absolutely everything. So I questioned him my feelings.

"Would you be worried if I said that I have feelings for Allison?" I halfwhispered it to him, hoping that she wasn't close anywhere. Scooter looked at me for a little while.

"What kind of feelings?" He asked, just to make sure that he understood this right.

"L-like l-love feelings? Damn, I don't know what to do." I let my head fall down while rubbing my eyes. I felt so stupid, mostly because I thought she might like me. I haven't even told her yet. It felt like I was lying to her.

"If you like her – like her. If you love her then who am I to judge. Only your heart knows, and she seems like such a sweet girl. If you get her, you're a lucky man." Scooter smiled at me, and I felt slightly better. But I still needed to know. "Now if you excuse me, I'll go and get us some Chinese." He gave me a supporting tap on the shoulder before disappearing out the front door. I decided to sit for a little longer.

°°°

Allison's POV

I heard the front door close – this was my chance to tell him. I didn't want him to take it as a rejection. Again I ran downstairs, and to my relief I saw Justin sitting alone on the couch. Even though he looked a bit sad, I carefully got closer to him. I was now standing on the other side of the glass table looking at him. It was obvious that he didn’t notice me.

"Um… Justin?" I tried a careful and soft tone not to scare him. His head looked up immediately. "We need to talk." I saw how his facial expression turned from surprised to concern. I decided to make myself comfortable next to him before I looked at the masterpiece sitting next to me. He looked at me with sad eyes and I felt even worse now. For doing what I did.

"About today… I… I really don't know how to explain it properly." He started to talk. No! I don't want him to explain, it's me – I did the wrong thing, I rejected him and made him sad.

"No, let me explain it to you." I cut him off right when he was about to continue. "I might have misunderstood what you were about to say, but you just have to know that I've never experienced love, or even anyone protecting me. At least never been through anything like these couple of days. You've really showed me that guys can be nice too, and not just stupid bastards. I haven't heard anything nice the last nine years of my life – I don't know how to respond to a compliment. I'm lost Justin. Lost, beaten up and weak. So I'm just trying to smile and forget my pain." I looked him straight in the eyes while saying all this. I could see that it touched him and once again I've made him speechless.  I bet he's so confused right now, on the truth. But I know that I didn't reject him… At least not on purpose. Still, I felt like a monster. "To make my point, no one has ever loved me before. And I'm not saying that you do, because it's obviously not possible to love a broken human like me but I think you get my point." I carefully smiled at him. Justin just sat there looking at me with his now sad hazel eyes. Now I felt even worse. I could feel how the tears started to take shape in the corner of my eyes, so I quickly wiped them away before slowly walking to the kitchen. I really needed some water – I really felt bad. After drinking the glass empty in just a few seconds I leaned against the kitchen table – head in my hands letting all my tears out before wiping my cheeks dry.

 

***A/N***

Hi again - this was the second chapter today because I've sucked at updating. Thanks for comments, likes and favorites, I'm thankful. It inspires me alot to keep writing :3 Hope you like this chapter, it's short but better than nothing, right? c: Thanks again.

x Koshuki

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