Pain - 1D

This is about a lonely girl, who thinks everything is against her. And she simply just can't take it anymore.. This just came to me one night i was a little sad and lonely. I just wanna warn you about my shitty english, but hope you would like to read it anyway, and might give some feedback.

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2. Indescribable Pain

,,Babe? I’m gonna go now, c’ya t’night!’’ Niall yelled as he neared the door of our shared department.

,,Niall? Wait a second!’’ I ran after him with those words, tears already brimming in my eyes. This would be the last time I would see him in .. a while.

,,I love you,’’ I mumbled with my lips close to his, before pressing a soft kiss to his plump bottom lip. ,,I really really love you, Niall,’’ The words left my lips with a shaky voice.

,,I know, baby,’’ He said, and it really did hurt that he didn’t say it back, but I was used to it. I couldn’t stop myself from wonder if he would say them back if he knew what was going to happen.

,,I really have to go now though,’’ he said before gently pushing me back and escape out the door. I couldn’t help but stare at him until he was out of sight. That was the last time I saw my boyfriend.

 

◦ ∞ ◦

 

The tears streamed down my face, but I kept reading it. All the hate from all his fans. I couldn’t understand how it was possible to live with all this hate. How people could be so mean to people they didn’t even know.

When I had read all too many hate messages on my twitter, my facebook, even my instagram I chose to close it all down.

I went into my messages, found Niall under my contacts and wrote a simple text on only three words:

I love you.

Then I turned my phone off, and placed myself in front of Nialls desk. I found a paper and a pencil. Then I just wrote. The tears constantly streaming down my face, because deep down I knew that no one would actually care about what was going to happen. My mom and dad both died five years ago in a car crash, and the rest of my family only took care of me because they needed to, not because they cared about me. The only person I had was Niall, but he didn’t really care either.

 

◦ ∞ ◦

 

Hi, Niall..

I love you. You know that, right? I love you from the bottom of my heart, but sometimes I just can’t figure out if that’s what you want. You never tell me back.
Sometimes I actually get confused, I can’t figure out if you simply just don’t care. Do you love me, Niall?

Sometimes I just don’t feel right, ya know? It’s like the whole fucking world looks at me, judges me, hates me. But I dunno why? Why me?

It’s like I’ve done everything wrong. Like I am wrong. Why do people hate on me? Because I’m with you? Why?

Maybe you are some kind of world known celebrity, but that does not give them the rights to hate on me. It does not. Do you think they know how much it hurts me? Do you know how much it hurts me when you aren’t trying to do something about it?

Did you know I cut? You would have known if you had ever paid any attention. You knew I didn’t eat much more, but you never cared to do anything about it. You did not want to hear about my problems. You did not want to be bothered with my insignificant problems. Because you are famous, and you are high above a regular teenage girl like me.

And that was when I came to the realization.

You simply do not care.

And that is the most painful thing to realize when you are so deep in love with another person – to realize they do not care about you in any way.

But there’s just one thing.. One thing I don’t understand. Why me, Niall? Why me?

But that actually doesn’t matter know, ‘cause now you will never have the opportunity to tell me. ‘cause when you’re reading this, I will be gone. I loved you Niall, but it’s too late.

I’m gone now. Oh god, this is difficult. Because I actually don’t know if you would care when you read this. Or if you would undo any of this. Would you?

I really hope you would, but now it’s too late. I’m sorry Niall. I really am. Please don’t laugh. Could you please take this serious for just a second? I don’t know if you actually understand what it actually happening around your little happy bubble. I’m dead, Niall.

Dead.

I’m sorry. I know this is one of the most selfish things I could ever do, but you can’t really blame me, can you? You have been the most selfish idiot I have ever known, but I have always forgiven you. And I still do. I don’t blame you at all; after all, you are living your big dream with your four best mates.

I just beg you to understand, and listen to me. Just.. listen, for once?

I love you, and I am sorry.

But I can’t take this anymore. With all the hate from the fans, you who don’t care anymore, your band mates who have something against me. I really don’t know why I get all this hate. What have I ever done wrong?

All I have ever done is to be with the love of my life. But I understand – that was selfish of me, so now I will leave you alone. I will stay away forever, and I really hope you find your love of your life. That you find this special girl(or boy) that you want to keep safe for all of what you got, that you want to treasure to forever. That you find love, and that you won’t get hate as much as I did.

I don’t know if I was just too weak, but I just know that I can’t stand it anymore, and I think that I will take one of their many devices. I will disappear from the surface of the earth.

Well, I’ll better be going before you come home. You would be home in half an hour or so. Please, respect my choice – don’t try to save me. Don’t choose to finally do something now. Now is the only time I don’t need it.

This is even harder than I would have thought .. Well.. bye, I think. Forever.

I love you, Nialler.

Your princess.. xx

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