Near to You

"I loved him. There's no other way to put it. He was my one and only, but he wasn't what I expected." Sara was in love. Wholeheartedly, and completely in love. But he didn't love her back, and they both suffered for it. Now, Sara has to recover from a heart torn and bruised and ripped in two by a man she trusted. But will she have to do it alone, or will she learn to trust another?

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5. Strength

Finally, I had my casts and bandages removed, and was only prescribed mild painkillers.

Harvey still stayed with me most of the time, but he had to go to work every day now.

When I was alone, I felt the stitches he'd helped sew my broken heart together begin unravelling, and I had to hide under my bed covers, clutching the alarm clock to my chest, counting the hours when Harvey would get back from work and make it safe to face the world again.

He didn't know I did this, because every day, ten minutes before he was due back, I'd cautiously creep downstairs, tensed like a rabbit in the headlights. I deleted all the phone messages, so he'd think I picked them up, and made a coffee ready for him.

My bruised eye had come down, but I had a small scar running along the ridge of my right eyebrow. I had a lot of scars; physically and emotionally.

Despite what he tells me, I know I'm broken, not fit to go outdoors, but when he was with me, I could look outside the window without fear.

I don't know how I feel about him, because no one has ever made me feel this way before, but I do know that he makes me feel like everything is not so bad, and that there are good people in the world.

I heard the door open and close, and checked the clock.

Harvey wasn't due back for another hour!

'Sara!' He called out. I relaxed when I heard Harvey's voice, but realised he might be angry or upset that I'd been hiding from everything when he wasn't here.

I heard him walking up the staircase, and then step inside my room.

He carefully drew back the covers and smiled sadly at me.

'Come on. I think you need to come with me.' He said, holding out a hand for me. I hesitated for a second before reaching out to him.

'Where are we going?' I whispered, still tightly clutching his hand as he lead me to the front door. 

I hadn't been outside since he had been arrested.

'No! I'm... I'm not ready yet!' I said, pulling at my hand. He immediately let me go, but turned to smile at me.

'Sara, I promise, I won't let anything bad happen to you. You don't want to stay hiding in bed when I'm not here for the rest of your life, do you?' I thought about it, frowning.

 I knew I was safe there, in my private space, where no one except Harvey could come and get me. But it did get quite boring up there, staring at the digital clock labouring over every minute.

Slowly, I shook my head, and watched as he held out his hand for me.

'I'll just walk you down the street. Nothing will happen to you, not while I'm with you and in uniform.' I smiled and nodded, taking his hand again, and slowly following him out of the door, stepping into the sun.

I blinked at the brightness, and smiled as I saw children across the road laughing and playing on the bikes, and heard the birds singing. Without realising it, Harvey had lead me to the end of the street, and we were walking back to the house soon afterwards.

'Can... can we stay out a bit longer?' I asked tentatively. He grinned, surprised, yet happy. He gently squeezed my small hand in his and nodded, leading me up past the house towards a small green with a park. There were a lot of little children playing on the climbing frames, and young toddlers wobbled around, running from the swings to the see-saw then back to the little wooden play house.

I smiled.

'You like kids then?' Harvey asked, noticing my reaction. I nodded.

'I love kids. I've always wanted children. At least three; but it didn't happen.' I said, my voice turning sad. I saw Harvey's questioning look, and knew he wouldn't push me to tell him, but I wanted him to know.

'I miscarried a lot. I was with... him... since I was 16. I spent ten years with him. I've been miscarrying since I was 12 though. My Dad wasn't the best of people either-' I broke off, clenching my jaw to stop myself from crying. Harvey pulled me into one of his gentle and healing embraces, holding me in his powerful arms.

'You're okay now Sara. I'll protect you, though you are one of the strongest women I've ever met, I will protect you.'

'You think I'm strong?' I whispered, doubtful.

'Most definitely.' He said, holding me a little bit tighter to his chest, but it felt nice.

He didn't know it, but Harvey was healing my heart, piece by piece putting me back together like a jigsaw. He'd become a vital part of my life; his smiles, his embraces, his reassurances. I don't know how I survived without him.

All I know is that I'm a better and stronger person where ever he is. As long as I was with him, I felt as though... I belonged.

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