Rebellious, Beautiful, and Insecure

Alex and Amber are sisters. They are twins actually, Alex being twenty minutes older. Amber is always going, going, going with boys. But Alex rarely even goes on dates - and for a reason. The two sisters get jobs working for One Direction and the boys are quick to fall for them. Will Alex let her guard down and fall for the boy? Or will her past keep her from ever finding love? Travel along these girls' journey as teenagers, getting caught in fame, mystery, and intensity.

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48. Show Day

"Woah. You are not supposed to be here this early," Paul tells me, letting me into the arena. I smile at him and say a polite good morning. "No seriously, what are you doing here so early for?" He asks.

"I want to run through some things before anyone else gets here. I'm not big on personal performances," I tell him, putting my bag down and slipping on my Osiris'. 

"You do realize you're opening in front of thousands of people tonight right?" He asks me as if I hadn't realized it.

"I know. And I'm not looking forward to it much," I sigh, heading into a room backstage to grab a guitar. I climb on stage and sit on a stool as Paul brings a microphone over for me. "Thank you," I tell him.

I play a few notes on the guitar and do a few vocal warm-ups to get ready to begin. I turn the microphone on and start singing one of my songs with the guitar. I stop after four seconds. "What's wrong?" Paul asks me.

"I just, it sounds weird," I laugh. 

"Not used to hearing yourself?" He questions. I nod. He says something into his earpiece and all of the lights in the arena go off expect a single spotlight on me. I can't see any of the seats if they are empty or not. It's a little frightening at first, but I get used to the sight.

I take a deep breath and begin singing again, putting everything I have into my lyrics and my words. My fingers brush across the guitar and my eyes look out over the arena, not seeing anything but looking for something at the same time.

When the song is over I hear clapping. But it isn't just one person clapping - it's a few people clapping. The lights turn back on and I see a few members of the press heading down the aisle, cameras aimed at me. Paul begins to head towards them, telling them that they need to leave. "Alex that was amazing will you be performing that song tonight?" One of the reporters asks, reaching the stairs to the stage before Paul can get to her. 

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave ma'am," Paul tells her.

"It's fine Paul I'll take a few questions," I say, stepping towards the reporter. The woman smiles at me. I return the smile politely.

"So Alex, will you be singing that song tonight?" She asks me.

"Yes, actually, I will be. And I'd appreciate it very much if you didn't air the song until after the performance, thank you for your understanding," I say making it sound like a question when I'm really not giving her an answer.

"And where is Zayn this morning?" She questions.

"Zayn is actually sleeping at home. I've come early this morning to make sure that preparations for the show are in place," I answer kindly.

"Preparations? Is that your job or something?" She laughs.

"Well when it comes to my boyfriend and his mates one can never be too prepared for a show," I giggle a reply, neither confirming nor denying it.

"So how is your relationship with Zayn going?" The reporter asks. 

"Zayn is a very lovable man, or so he says," I laugh. "He's funny, nice, and sweet. He knows just how to treat a girl right and protect her from everything bad in the world," I tell her. "Okay one last question please," I say, putting my face neutral once again.

"I'm sure everyone is dying to know, is it true that Jeremy Walker was arrested for assaulting you?" She asks. 

I keep my face neutral, struggling to come up with an answer. I see the arena doors open and in come the boys. "Alex!" Zayn yells, running in with Kriss on his back. The camera moves from me to him as he makes his way up here, Kriss giggling all of the way.

As soon as he gets on the stage, he puts Kriss down gently and then runs over to me and plants a kiss on my lips. I feel my cheeks redden. "Good morning to you too," I laugh.

"Excuse me, but we have to begin our rehearsal for the show tonight." Liam calls from the end of the stage. The reporter says good bye to Zayn and I and follows Paul off of the stage and out of the arena. 

I hug Zayn tightly, not wanting to let him go and he does the same. "You are never sleeping at that flat again. It took me forever to fall asleep last night," Zayn says, resting his chin on my head.

"How does the press know about Jeremy?" I ask him seriously, pulling back enough to look at him but not enough to lose physical contact with him.

"They do?" He asks. I nod, upset with the whole topic. "Well, we will handle it together," He says, kissing my forehead.

I put my forehead on his chest and breathe him in. "I missed you," I whisper.

"I missed you more," He says, tightening his grip around me. 

He holds me for a minute, just pressed against him and then pulls back slightly to face the others. "What are you doing here so early anyways?" I ask him. 

"I couldn't stand another minute of being awake without seeing you. I screamed at your sister when she stopped for coffee," He admits.

"Oh yeah," Amber says reminded of it, and punches his arm as she walks by. 

"Well," I pause kissing his cheek, "get off the stage so I can rehearse," I tell him. His eyes glance down to my midsection and back up to my face. "Zayn," I say, hugging him again. "I'm okay. It barely hurts," I whisper in his ear.

His grip around me tightens. "Please be careful," He mumbles, kissing my forehead and then releasing me, moving off the stage. 

More people come through the arena doors, headed by Simon. "Alex, meet your back-up dancers," Simon announces. Then he sees the boys and he stops walking. "How in bloody hell did you get them here so early?" He asks me.

"Amber and I are just amazing," I shrug.

The dancers come on stage and slowly I run through my routine so that Tori and Amber can give the back-up dancers choreography that follows mine, but still allows me to be the center. "You guys got it?" I ask them. They nod. "Okay great. Boys it's your turn," I say, getting off the stage.

"Oh Zayn. Watch out. She likes to call the shots," Louis teases.

"Only here though," Zayn replies. 

"Ew guys can we please keep our sex lives to ourselves when we're at work?" Liam asks. My cheeks flood with embarrassment and I hit Louis in the crotch on my way down.

"Point taken," Louis grumbles.  

The boys run through their routines as if the show was on right now. Simon keeps his face neutral throughout it which bothers me a small amount. Amber and I log on our computers and begin hacking local business websites. 

We still enjoy hacking websites because well - it's fun. Also, because it keeps our skills sharp. "It's a 330 processing virus disc matched with a..." I trail off, trying to decode the system the website is using.

"matched with a 772 malware defense mechanism," Amber finishes for me. I nod and we get set working. It takes us about two minutes to hack through the entire system. I'm about to close out of it and reset the system when a name catches my eye - Yaser Malik.

Amber closes out on her side and shuts down her computer to watch the boys. I bite my lip and glance up at Zayn, wondering whether or not I should look into the person's name on my screen. Zayn catches my eye, looking at me like he normally does, and I end up slamming the computer down.

His expression changes slightly, but he continues through the dance. Amber looks at me with concerned eyes, but I shake her off. I put my computer in my bag and make my way back to the dressing rooms to make sure the boys have their outfits. 

I've just finished putting the dress I'm wearing for the duet on the hook in the dressing room when there's a knock on the door. I'm heading out anyways and Zayn is in the doorway. "Lunch break," He says, attempting to look past me into the dressing room. I shut the door quickly, stepping out in the process. 

"Where we going?" I ask.

"Just the cafe on the corner," Zayn answers, wrapping an arm around my waist. 

"You've been awfully touchy lately," I laugh. 

"You haven't seen touchy," He says pulling me into a hug and cupping my arse with his hands.

"Zayn!" I reprimand him. He moves his hands back to my waist and we start walking. "You're so dead," I threaten.

"Ya okay," He laughs as we head out, taking Kriss with us. 

"Where's Auntie D? Is she coming to the show?" Kriss asks.

"I don't know sweetie," Zayn tells Kriss, picking her up.

"Auntie D will be here later," I assure Kriss. Zayn looks at me with narrowed eyes. "Hey if I'm going to marry you in the future I have to be close to your sister do I not?" I ask. His eyes remain the same and I just laugh. 

The lunch is fun because Zayn enjoys making it fun for Kriss and I like watching them fool around together. Kriss orders chicken nuggets and doodles with the crayons that the waitress gives her. 

"Alex how is your stomach?" Zayn asks concerned, placing his hands on mine.

"Would you stop worrying?" I laugh, trying to lighten his mood. 

"Alex, I'm serious," He says. My old mate Rikki from school walks up to us before I can reply.

"Oh my gosh Alex! I haven't seen you in forever!" She exclaims, and I reach up to hug her.

"I know. It has been too long," I sigh, gesturing for her to sit down. I feel Zayn tense but Rikki doesn't notice. "Kriss this is my friend Rikki. Rikki this is my niece Kriss," I introduce them, deciding to announce Kriss as my niece.

Kriss looks up and smiles at Rikki. Rikki waves back. "And of course you know Zayn," I tell Rikki. Rikki is an OBSESSED Directioner, but she's playing it off really well.

"Hi Zayn," She says, trying to keep the fangirl out of her voice. I laugh slightly.

Zayn smiles and shakes her hand. "I heard you're performing tonight. Finally fix your pitchiness?" Rikki asks.

"That was rude," Zayn says.

"I'm sorry, really. Alex would refuse to sing because she was so pitchy," Rikki defends herself, smiling at Zayn while insulting me.

"I don't appreciate your rude comments to my girlfriend. We'll be going now," Zayn announces. I sigh and pull on my coat. Rikki slides out of the booth - now I remember why Rikki and I stopped talking. 

We get back to the arena and Amber and I watch the boys rehearse, making sure their routine is on point and everything goes the right way. Simon comes over to me and hands me the sheets of paper, telling me to go put them under five random seats throughout the arena for the meet and greet, backstage pass thing. 

I take Kriss with me and we go around and hand out the random papers. When we're done the boys are taking a water break. "The last thing we are going to do before we let people in is have Zayn and Alex run through their routine," Simon announces. 

"Okay," I sigh and head up on the stage again, leaving Kriss sitting with Amber and Harry. 

The music starts and Zayn and I begin singing, dancing with each other. In the middle of the routine I begin to get light-headed but I push through it even though my vision is black around the edges. We finish and Zayn tips me back up to normal position. I hold myself against him in a hug but it's mostly to steady myself and wait for clear vision.

"You okay?" He asks me seriously.

I pull back and really try to focus on him. "Yeah. Can't I hug you?" I ask accusingly, wrapping an arm around his back to keep myself balanced. 

"Okay, everyone backstage while people start entering," Paul announces. Kriss comes up to us and Zayn picks her up.

"I have to make a phone call," I tell Zayn once I am balanced and I can see again. He narrows his eyes at me but lets me go outside in the back to make the call.

Doniya answers on the second ring. "Hey what time are you guys coming?" I ask her.

"Well the doors just opened now right? We'll probably come right before the show starts. Are you coming into the audience?" She questions.

"Yeah, but after I perform," I laugh.

"Right, right. Okay well we'll meet you at the concessions next to security during Rock Me okay?" She asks.

"Sure," I answer.

"And we have the tickets but we don't have the passes yet," She says.

"I'll bring them with me when I come," I respond. "See you soon," I tell her. We say our goodbyes and I head inside the building again. 

 Inside again, Zayn and I talk while sitting on the couch in his dressing room. Kriss is off with the boys playing tag against my protests. After about half an hour I decide I should start getting ready. "We both need to get ready for the show. And I'm opening so I gotta go," I say getting up and heading out.

"No goodbye kiss?" He pouts. I laugh and walk over to him, planting a quick kiss on his lips and turning away, but he grabs my arm and pulls me back, kissing me passionately.

"Goodness. You sure missed me a lot," I laugh, heading out. "Oh and Zayn," I say on the edge of the door. He looks over at me. "If you look at the outfit for the duet before the duet then you are going to be grounded," I threaten.

"Oh is that so?" He laughs as I close the door behind me.

I head to my dressing room and get dressed in my first of two outfits. I fluff my hair carefully, putting in a black clip in my hair to keep my bangs back for my individual songs. I look at myself in the mirror and my hands start shaking. I try to steady myself by taking deep breaths. I pull myself together enough to put on my liner and eye shadow, but my lip gloss and blush are harder to put on. "Damn it," I snap at myself. Slowly I do my mascara and fix the slight smudges, but the shaking increases, and it gets harder for me to breathe. What the hell is wrong with me? I think I'm getting stage freight. 

I close my eyes, trying to calm myself and keep myself from having a panic attack. The harder I breathe, the more my side hurts and the more light-headed I get. Suddenly there's a knock on the door. I stumble over to it on the verge of tears with my breakdown. In front of me stands a grinning Zayn, but his expression quickly turns to worried. 

He grabs hold of me firmly, wrapping his arms around my body to support me. I wrap my arms around his neck and just bury my head in his chest, trying to take deep breaths. "Alex what's wrong? Talk to me doll, what can I do to help?" He asks in a panicked voice. 

"Just... hold...me," I pant, squeezing tighter, and forcing myself to take deep breaths. He squeezes me tighter against him and starts singing softly. I focus on his voice and how even if I mess up in front of all of those people, it won't matter because I'll have Zayn. 

My breathing slows and my side hurts less. I loosen my grip on Zayn and move back a little to look at him. "Cuz you've got that, one thing," He finishes, smiling.

"Thank you," I whisper, kissing his cheek.

"You want to tell me what just happened?" He questions.

"Little crowds, I can do. But thinking about thousands of people watching ME, it overwhelmed me which made it hard to breathe, and then hard to see and it was getting worse and worse. But then you came and you saved me, so it's all good now," I smile, hugging him. 

He keeps an arm wrapped tightly around my waist as we walk out towards the Green Room where everyone waits. There's about half an hour until I go on. I lean into him willingly, still slightly dizzy from my panic attack. 

"Here have some water babe," Zayn gives me a water bottle after sitting me down on the couch. I sit on his lap as I sip the water. Amber rushes in and sees me.

"What's wrong?" She questions.

"I had a small panic attack. I'm fine now though. Really," I smile at her. She comes over to me and gives me an awkward hug since I'm on Zayn. 

"You better be," She says quietly. I laugh at that and close the water. 

"Alright!" I say jumping up and quickly regretting it when the edges of my vision turn black. I clench my teeth and force my feet to remain standing and not appear that I'm light-headed. Zayn hops up, suspecting something is wrong, and Amber reaches out as well. "What?" I ask innocently. "I'm fine guys, really," I assure them falsely. 

They look at each other and each of them grabs one of my hands as we walk out. "This is so unnecassary guys," I complain as we head to right behind the stage. I'm given my guitar by a stage hand and look at Zayn to reassure myself. 

Amber gives me a hug and tells me good luck. Then I turn to Zayn and he crashes his lips against mine fiercly. "No matter what happens, I love you," He whispers, looking straight in my eyes.

"I love you too," I reply equally as quiet. He gives me another soft kiss and then I grab my guitar and head on stage. 

The audience erupts in applause as I make my way out. I greet them and start my first song, dancing around the stage. I get light-headed, but my vision doesn't get blurry yet. The song ends and I set up for the next one, wondering why I was so scared before. 

Society begins and during the long intro I yell to them to look under their seats for a chance at the passes. Spotlights show on the people who win the papers and I laugh as I start to sing. I throw in some crazy dance moves and my vision starts getting fuzzy around the edges. I push through it anyways until the end. 

After that, I sit on the stool and play two of my songs on the guitar. I get my vision back clearly and the audience stays quiet as they listen. Fans try to reach up and touch me so I walk up and down the little walkway and reach out, brushing their hands as I walk. 

I end the opening of the show with my original song - the one from the beginning where the boys heard it and loved it, but didn't know it was me. I take a deep breath in my starting position and look over to see all of the boys watching me from the side of the stage. I look right at all of them, smiling as I start singing. The song seems to go on forever as I struggle to stay conscious while dancing, singing, and keeping everyone from thinking that something is wrong. 

I finally end and I run off stage, bending over and grabbing a bottle of water from Amber's outstretched hand. "Great job luv!" Zayn exclaims, putting a hand on my back. I grab his arm and whip up, latching on to him tightly. 

"Just nerves," I explain, even though it isn't true. He hugs me back tightly, and I know he senses that something is wrong. He keeps an arm around my waist and escorts me to the Green Room. The boys have two minutes before they go on.

"Don't lie to me Alex," He exclaims as soon as we get inside the room. 

"Zayn," I sigh, reaching up to his face. He looks away from me.

"Can you even stand on your own?" He asks, his voice cracking because he's hurt.

'Babe, I'm fine, really. I'm just a little dizzy. Give me a break I just performed five songs in front of thousands of people after a nervous breakdown," I reply, turning him to look at me. His eyes are soft and full of pain.

"Let me see your side please," He says. I shake my head.

"It's just going to make you more upset. It looks a lot worse than it feels. You need to get out there," I tell him, starting to walk out of the room towards the back of the stage. I grab his hand and pull him with me as I walk. 

"They can wait while I make sure you're okay," He grumbles.

"Babe. I promise you that I am okay," I hold out my pinky finger as we stand on the side of the stage.

"Zayn we have to go!" Louis rushes him.

Zayn grabs my pinky quickly and urgently smashes his lips on mine. I hold him against me for a moment, kissing him with passion and willing him to understand that I'm fine. "I love you," I whisper.

"I love you too," He kisses my forehead and then rushes off onto the stage.

"You're hurt," Amber says flatly.

"Lightheaded. There's a difference," I reply.

"Sit down," She commands me.

"There's too much to do - I can't." I respond. I go to the dressing room and put on a jumper, pulling it over my head and then I pull my hair up into a pony tail. I start heading out to the main section where audience members are. I pull the hood over my head as to not be recognized and head to the security desk as I hear the boys start singing Rock Me. 

"Hey Daniya," I smile at her as I see her standing with Walihya and Safaa. "Hey girls," I greet them as well.

"Great job!" The three of them explain. 

"Oh, thanks," I giggle. "It was nothing," I brush it off. 

"Nothing my butt! You already have 4000 views on YouTube," Daniya shows me.

"Why am I on YouTube?!" I narrow my eyes at her and she looks away awkwardly. I shake my head, rolling my eyes, but I can't keep the smile off of my face. I hand the girls the all access passes and invite them to come back with me again in a little while. 

"We're going to get some nachos," Safaa says and I nod, agreeing to meet back here in ten minutes. I go into the viewing area of the arena where all of the people are watching. Sure enough, Little Things comes on as soon as I enter. 

I get close towards the front and Zayn finds my face throughout all the others. He sings directly to me, his eyes scanning the crowd at some point but always returning back to mine. I blush in the crowd and when he isn't singing, I start walking out of the arena towards backstage again. Doniya tells me they will come back right after the show ends and I hug all of them before going backstage. 

I come back during the five minute intermission which signals that half of their songs are over. I help Zayn by giving him his next outfit and giving him a water bottle. "How are you really?" He asks me, taking my hand as we watch the stage hands change the look of the stage a little bit. 

"I'm fine now. It was just me being lightheaded. Really fine," i press that I'm okay. He frowns at me. 

"We're talking about this when we get home," He says after a moment. I sigh and nod and he reache down to give me a kiss before he heads back onto the stage and I head to my dressing room t change.

I change into the dress quickly after I touch up my makeup and fix my hair. I slip into my Converse and take a deep breath, steadying myself. I added sparkling silver  eye shadow and darkened my liner a little bit, but other than that my makeup is the same as before. 

I head to behind the stage and Amber's eyebrows raise up and down in excitement. Simon looks over at me and his eyes widen. "I knew I paid you guys to pick out nice outfits, but wow this is amazing," He says. I grin at him and give Zayn's clothes for the duet to Amber.

The boys run off stage, their set being completely done and I hide from Zayn. I watch as Amber gives Zayn his new clothes and he changes behind a divider. "Where's Alex?" He asks.

"Hiding," Amber answers obviously.

"Zayn, do not get distracted," Simon tells him.

"Why would I get distracted?" He questions.

I step out so that the boys can see me, but Zayn can't. "Because she's absolutely drop dead gorgeous," Niall gapes and so do the rest of the boys. I step behind Harry and Liam just as Zayn comes out. 

"Alex where are you luv?" He laughs.

"Just go out on stage. I'll be there in a second," I tell him.

"Do it," Amber pushes him with a quick hand. I do a cartwheel and tricks throughout the routine, so i have neon pink spanks underneath it as well. I'm hooked up to a microphone that goes behind my ear. 

I hear Zayn start talking and I take a deep breath as the boys watch me in awe. "So um many of you know my girlfriend Alex," He starts and they erupt in applause and cheers. "And I kind of came up with the idea that we should do a duet. What do you think?" He asks. They scream louder. He chuckles and I grin. I see him looking at the audience. "Well can you guys cheer for her? She won't come out," He says. 

I giggle and it's heard throughout the stadium. I feel my cheeks redden as the crowd starts cheering my name. I take another deep breath and then walk out onto the stage and the cheering grows louder. "I'm here, I'm here," I laugh. The cheering stops as Zayn turns around and looks at me. His eyes widen and his jaw drops.

"Oh my god," He says. I giggle again and then stop myself, feeling weird to be heard by myself. He walks over to me and takes my hand and grins at me. I grin back at him and he pulls me into a hug. The crowd cheers. 

"You ready to sing?" I ask him. He nods and we separate, getting into our starting positions. The routine starts and it's like everyone but Zayn disappears. I don't care if I screw it up or if he screws it up - it's just me and him. 

I do the cartwheel and flip while it's Zayn's verse and then I twirl in his arms throughout the chorus. The routine continues and I start getting light-headed again. I push through it as I do another twirl and kick around Zayn. I continue singing and force the words out of my mouth in a meaningful way, smiling the entire time and still focusing on Zayn. The song comes to an end as Zayn pulls me in his arms and tips me down. 

The crowd erupts in applause and screams and cheers. Zayn pulls me back up and kisses me. I kiss him back passionately, but I am distracted by all of the black splotches distorting my vision and feeling like I'm going to fall off a cliff. 

I keep my arms wrapping around Zayn throughout the kiss and then put my arm around him, my hand on his bum as he wraps his arm around my back. Zayn and I are both still smiling, but I know Zayn can tell something is wrong by the look in his eyes. We walk off of the stage waving and the stage goes dark as we go backstage. 

I turn my microphone off and so does Zayn. As soon as we are off stage I am pulled up into his arms. He doesn't look at me as he carries me to his dressing room, ignoring everyone who tells us how great we did.

"Are you trying to kill yourself?" He exclaims once we get in his dressing room. 

"I'm f-" I start to say.

"Don't give me that bullshit Alexandria! I KNOW you are hurt! I KNOW you lied to me!! I KNOW you almost passed out on that stage!!" He yells at me.

"Zayn I'm-"Is all I get out before he cuts me off again.

"No you aren't sorry because if you were sorry you wouldn't have lied to me Alex! I TOLD you that I am NOT losing you! Are you trying to leave? Is that what this is?" A tear escapes his eye. I push back the tears that want to fall and grab his arm, him having moved closer to me. I pull him towards me and he bends down to my level.

"I don't want it to be known by anyone what HE did. I don't want to be weak because of HIM. I don't want to hurt you by trying to push through something. I'm sorry," I whisper to him. We kiss passionately, both of us too engaged in each other's gorgeousness to continue fighting at the moment. 

There's a knock on the door. "Meet and greet let's go," Paul's voice comes from right outside the door. Zayn and I pull back and his eyebrows furrow together while he thinks. 

"We aren't done with this conversation," He says, helping me up. He looks at me with the most extremely serious look ever. "If you LEAVE MY SIDE before I say so, we are done," He informs me. My heart aches and I nod as he wraps an arm around me firmly, involuntarily taking some of my weight. 

We head down to the Meet and Greet room and Amber joins my side. I know the instant that Zayn and Amber make eye contact that I am screwed. All of the boys congratulate us and tell us how great we were and I reply with genuine thank yous and smiles, even though I know I am going to die because of them.

Zayn makes sure that I sit in a chair before he sits down next to me. "I love you," I whisper in his ear. He nods but doesn't reply. My heart breaks. His face is entirely straight and his posture is rigid. I sit back in the chair as the first person comes in.

I plaster a fake smile on my face and start saying hello to all of the people coming in, taking pictures with them and signing autographs. I take many pictures with Zayn, but none of them feel like I'm actually WITH Zayn. The people who had the papers under their seats receive free tickets to One Direction's next concert in England and I take photographs with them as well.

By the time we're done it's around one thirty in the morning. Zayn's arm goes around my waist again, and I keep playing the part with my arm around him and a smile still on my face.

We head back to the flats and we take the elevator up after saying goodnight to the boys. "Zayn can I have a few minutes with her?" Amber asks when we've gotten into Zayn's flat and he helped me on the couch. 

"Sure," He answers flatly and walks out of the room. As soon as he leaves I turn to Amber. She looks like she's about to yell, but my lip quivers and silent tears roll down my cheeks. She sits next to me and I rest my head in my lap, crying and crying.

"I- I said I l-love you-u a-and he ju-just nodd-dded. He doesn't love me. I'm a f-fool," I cry into her as her arms wrap around me. "I'm s-sorry I didn't say anything. I just h-hate anything that has to do with H-HIM. I d-don't want to kn-know or anyone els-se." I keep stuttering throughout shallow breaths. 

"I know sweetie. We just get so worried about you. You can't do a show when you're injured," She tells me.

"I just did," I laugh pathetically throughout a body-racking sob. 

"And you aren't a fool Alex. Not even close," She adds. Zayn comes into view from the hallway and I bury my face in Amber's tee shirt. 

"Amber, are you good with Alex?" He asks.

"Yeah," She gently moves my head so that I'm off of her but still on the couch. She kisses my cheek. "Night Ria, I love you," She tells me and I hear the door open and close. 

I silence all of my cries and keep my face stuffed in the crease of the couch. "Alex," He says my name. I don't move. I feel his hands slide underneath my knees and my back as he pulls me up into his arms.  I keep my face covered with my hands. "Alex, look at me luv," He says softly. I shake my head. 

"No I'm a fool to think that you would ever love me," I mutter bitterly as he carries me to I'm assuming our room. He sits on the bed.

"You are not a fool Alex. I do love you. I'm IN love with you," He tells me. I shake my head and he gently removes my hands from my eyes. "Alex I'm in love with you," He repeats.

"You're lying," I cry.

"No luv, I'm not," He whispers, tears sliding down his cheeks. "I got upset because you put yourself in a lot of danger and didn't tell me about it. But I do love you," He says.

"You sure?" I ask upset. He nods. I pull his face down to meet mine in a kiss. "I'm sorry," I cry, tasting salt during our kiss. 

"Shhh," He replies, pulling back slightly. My mobile rings and I answer it quickly. It's Doniya. 

"Hello?? Did you forget about us?" She questions. Realization strikes and my eyes widen. Zayn looks at me suspiciously. 

"Shit, something came up I totally forgot," I exclaim.

"Yeah, we heard Zayn yelling after we saw you guys go into his dressing room," I hear Waliyha say. 

"Can we meet tomorrow? I'm seriously sorry," I reply.

"It's alright," Doniya sighs. "Tomorrow at noon," She adds. I hang up the phone and slouch in Zayn's arms.

"What?" Zayn asks.

"Too much stress," I sigh. He leans down to kiss me again and then gets up to get my pajamas. 

"I'm serious about not leaving my side Alex." He tells me as I start to get up. I sit back down, changing out of the dress and into a pair of boxer shorts and a jumper. Zayn and I go to the bathroom together and I take off my makeup while he sits on the toilet seat and waits for me. Then I use the bathroom and we go lay down in bed.

He pulls me into his arms. "I heard what you said to Amber," He says quietly. "About why you didn't tell me," He adds. I look up at him with sad eyes. "I get that you don't want any part of him, trust me, I do. But when you're hurt, it hurts me," His voice breaks. "I get so bloody scared when I find out you're hurt and it's probably a lot worse than it was because you didn't tell me to begin with," He continues. "I WILL NOT lose you Alex," He repeats.

"Zayn, you don't know wha-"I start.

"No Alex. I'm not losing you," He says again.

"There's no guarentee," I say quietly, not looking at him.

"I would die if I lost you,"

"No Zayn. You'd live for me," I counter. "If you love me like you say you do, than if you ever lost me you'd have to promise to keep living life," I demand. He shakes his head, tears in his eyes. 

"I'm done losing the ones I love. I'm not going to lose you," He says in a stern voice. 

"I love you," I drop the argument and cuddle in his arms. He squeezes me tightly against him.

"I love you too. And I never got the chance to compliment you on your outfit. You looked, and look stunning," He whispers.

"Thank you," I smile at him and he kisses me briefly. I can tell he's still upset and angry with me at the whole issue, but that he's putting it aside to help me. I burrow into his warmth and feel us become one person.

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