My Diary; I'm hurt.

I'm hurt.
I'm suicidal.
I'm probably the worst excuse for a "human".
I'm still here because, I'm scared to commit suicide.
I want to commit sicide but, but I'm afraid I'll get hurt.
idek what I'm doing with my life.
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My name is ariana snow.
My hair is dirty blonde.
I have green eyes.
I've got an awkward voice.
And, I hide my wrist.
I think you can guess why.
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This is my life.
It's lame, boring, and sad.
Click away if you don't want any of that.
Honestly I know my life is a mess.
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This is what's happening to me right now, mixed with some fanfiction.
I'll make up names for the people that are hurting me, and names for the people who are helping me.
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Once I get bored writing I'll probably make this a love story.
That's all, ily.

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1. Day 1:

They were there today, again.

They pushed me, they kicked me, and they mentally hurt me.

But, this time, he was there, for once.

I still don't believe it but, he saved me.

He picked me up when I fell, he talked to them and made the, go away.

He held me.

This was the first time, in so many years I felt good.

I felt fireworks go through my body in response of his touch.

-

School was over, yet again another day.

I hadn't seen him ever since.

It was probably something casual for him, but, but for me, I'd never felt like anything more than a waste of space.

i was walking down the stairs, hiding myself.

hiding myself from somebody.

anybody.

i do remember crying my eyes out last night hoping and praying that I wouldn't wake up today.

but god hates me, that's why he put me on this earth to suffer.

every now and then he would make me happy and then suddenly take the cause of it away and just remind me that I'm worthless and my life is nothing more than, than just a game.

i was still walking, and then I saw him.

him, Zayn, walking down.

he caught my eye, and it wouldn't get off of him.

he had the perfect eyes, face, body, personality, and everything.

i didn't fall for that though.

i would fall deeply in love with anybody who showed affection towards me or ever thought about me, or, maybe, just maybe, liked me.

thats the reason.

this girl, the only girl, who ever talks to me, told me he liked me.

and she proved it.

how?

i don't even know.

but that's all it took, to make me fall for him.

and ever since then, he's been noticing me as much as I've been noticing him.

it feels good.

like, a different typa good.

omg.

no.

id been staring at him, this whole time.

unaware of the fact that, that, his eyes, were looking back into mine?

how long had this been happening.

did I, um, get lost in his, his eyes?

 

he smiled. He suddenly smiled. I don't even know why that made me feel so embarrassed.

i blushed, I could feel the heat in my cheeks rise  like the sun. That was lame, I know.

so now, we'd been staring at each other, and he was smiling, at me, well there's first times for everything.

i couldn't help it.

i smiled.

i mean, I couldn't stop myself, I tried, I mean I really tried, but it stayed.

um

okay

now, he was, he was, gesturing me to, to, walk with him?

i was approaching him, slowly.

i don't know what was going through my mind, oh and he was, he was, um, blushing?!?

i don't know what happened, and I don't expect you to know what did but, I ran away.

i ran the other way.

i tried to turn around, I tried to stop, but the the last thing I saw was that confused face.

i know what you're thinking, I know that you think I'm a mess.

but, I just have a history of pulling myself away from anybody that could, that could possibly ever care about me, even though only some people did.

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