Lost in Love. ♥

Living with my best friend Sibel in London can be really funny. Especially when you're close to the boys of One Direction. I have known Niall now for more than 16 years and now here I am sharing a house with him in a private place in London city. Everything has it's ups and downs but finally everything's perfect and nothing other than just perfect.

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39. Uncertainty

 

Sibel's P.O.V.

 

'Ready?' I heard Liam say as I walked down the stairs with a bag filled with some clothes for Abi.

'Yeah..' I mumbled walking towards the door and shutting of the light in the hallway.

It's almost 8pm and everyone is still in the hospital.

'Don't worry Sibel, she will be alright' Liam could probably see the worried expression on my face.

I nodded slowly and we both walked towards his car after locking the front door with the keys Niall gave me.

The drive was really quiet. Liam drove the long empty street until we reached the main road right in London city. The windows were black so noone could actually see us from the outside. I leaned my head against the cold window. It seemed to cool me down for a bit. I closed my eyes and started to think about everything what happend the past days. 

I'm not sure what's bothering me the most. The fact that my first and true love is about to faide or the fact that my best friend who I've known for more than 5 years has cancer.. why does all this happen to me? There's never a day without drama in my life. I know people would kill to be at my place right now I mean, who wouldn't wanna be 'Zayn Malik's girlfriend' or even to live with One Direction? I don't even think about the fact that they are famous. To me they are 5 crazy boys who I really love and who become like brothers to me. Except for Zayn, of course. I mean I love him. No matter what.. and the thought that I've screwed everything up is killing me inside. I don't want to loose him. I'd rather die than live with the thought that the one you truely love hates you.

My thoughts were turned upside down and I couldn't even think clear. I would do anything to get him back. But I can't do anything right now.

I open my eyes to see it started raining. We were at a signal and people were walking up and down the street ut no one noticed us. It's not usual for me and Liam to keep quiet during a drive. But I guess he's afraid of saying something that might hurt me. I can't blame him though.

It's like he could read my mind as he suddenly broke the silence.

'You are going through a lot right now.. If there's anything I can do for you, I'm right here. You should know I'll be always here for you if there's anything bothering you and if you need a.. friend. I'll be always there for you.. You know that right?' you could here the raindrops hitting the front of the car as he turned to face me in silence.

I smiled at him. 'I know and I can't even put in words how thankful I am' he chuckled.

'If you're happy, then I'm happy. I can't stand seeing you so upset like this.' he mumbled looking back to the street.

What's that supposed to mean?

I turned my head to look at him but I couldn't reply.

He turned to the left and we arrived at the hospital.

I stepped out of the car and went through the door with Liam hot on my tail.

We finally arrived at the 3rd floor as we made our way towards the room. Dr. Nathan walked out of the room followed by Niall. As he saw me he stopped for a second looking at me. His eyes were red and puffy. He cried. 

'I-I have the clothes' I whispered looking into those bright blue eyes. 

He silently nodded before turning back to Dr. Nathan.

Liam looked at me with a confused look but I decided to talk to Niall later. First of all I had to see if Abi's alright. 

As we entered the room Abi was awake. Her head was turned to the side. She was staring out of the window. 

I slowely walked over to her my heart still racing. I don't wanna loose her. I don't wanna loose my best friend. Never in a million years.

She must have noticed us. She turned her head sightly looking at me and then at Liam.

Her smile was gone. She just stared at us. I walked over to her and sat down on the chair with my back to the window. Liam sat opposite of me on the other side of the bed.

She was still quiet as Liam spoke up.

'How are you feeling, Abi?' he slowely asked making her look at him.

She hesitated before answering. 

'I-I don't know' she whispered turning so she looked at the ceiling.

I placed the bag on the side before grabbing her hand.

'Did.. Niall tell you?' I asked a bit worried.

She turned to look at me. Shock written all over her face.

'What?' she asked surprised.

'Did he.. tell you w-what Dr. Nathan said?' I asked quieter this time.

Her face expression softened. 'Oh.. yeah he told me..' she said smiling back at the ceiling.

'I should have known..' she whispered.

'What do you mean?' Liam asked still looking at her. 'That I wont make it. That I'm going to.. die' she whispered.

'Don't say something like that!' I felt myself becoming angrier as I gripped her hand more tighter.

'I won't let anything happen to you. You're my best friend. You've been always there for me when I needed you and I wont let you down at the time you need me okay? I'm right here.' I said while tears started to build in my eyes.

I looked over to Liam who was staring at me. Abi smiled.

'You sound like my mum' she said making me and Liam chuckle. She smiled but her smile soon faded as she looked out of the windows again. Her eyes became watery and I looked at her with concern. 'What's wrong?' 

She shoke her head but I knew something was bothering her.

I looked over to Liam who was looking at me and then back to Abi.

'I-I think I should leave you both some privacy..to have some girly talk' 

he said laughing slightly. He stood up before giving Abi a small peck on her cheek. 

'Don't worry, you're gonna be alright' he smiled before looking at me.

I smiled at him as he turned around and walked out of the door.

 

After a couple of minutes she remained quiet.

'Abi?' I said again making her look at me. The tears which were building in her eyes were now streaming down her face uncontrolable.

Without hesitating I pulled her in for a hug and let her sobb.

I knew something was wrong. 

'What's wrong? Did anything happen between you and Niall?' I asked my voice clearly worried.

She pulled back before looking at me silently before she nodded.

She sat with her back resting on the backrest of the bed looking at me.

'Sibel I..' she whispered but couldn't find the right words.

'What is it?' I asked getting confused.

'I talked to Niall..' she mumbled looking down. I looked at her with a questioning look.

'h-he told me.. ahm something' she mumbled fiddeling with her fingers before looking up at me.

'what did he say?' I asked getting curious.

'he.. ahm.. I-I don't know..he told me that.. h-he has feelings for..me.. like more than just.. best friends' she whispered looking down again.

'That's great!' I cheared but she wasn't smiling at all. 'Where's the problem? What did you say?' I asked worried again. Niall was perfect for Abi. He cares about her and just loves her. Literally everyone knows it. He just wouldn't admit it. Well, until now I guess.

'The problem? You ask me where the problem is?!' Abi got quiet angry. I let go of her hand and looked at her still confused.

'I have fucking cancer! That's the problem!' she screamed tears again streaming down her face.

'I'm going to die Sibel! Even if I have feelings for him I can't let him know because he would just get even more upset! I can't do this..' she mumbled resting her head in her hands before sobbing silently.

I sat down on the bed beside her rubbing her back.

'Don't talk like this, do you hear me? It's not even sure if you're going to die so don't talk like a fool. Everyone is literally on the end with their nervs and they all are praying for you that you will get trough this and you? you just sit here talking like there's no way you could get through this!' I try to reassure her. 

She just shakes her head no. 

'H-He will be upset.. I don't want him to be upset Sibel! I-I..' she sighed.

'You what?' I asked pulling her chin up so she's looking at me.

'I love him, Sibel.. I really do. I've recognised he's the only one I truely love. But I can't let him know. Do you know how hard this is for me?!' she cries. I pull her in for another hug. I do know how hard this is. To love someone but be not able to tell him. I mean it's quite similar to my feelings right now. Small tears started to run down my cheeks aswell and Abi noticed. 

She pulled back looking at me.

'It's because of Zayn, isn't it?' This girl knows me more than anyone could ever know.

I nodded whiping away my tears starting to explain everything what happend ever since he came back from that day he cheated on me until the day at the club with Chris where he came and sang 'When I was your man' and clearly told me that he was done with me.

'I would just run into Zayn's arms and tell him how much I love him but I can't.. I know how you feel. It's killing me inside. The feeling that he hates me. That he's ignoring me. I can't handle this any longer.' I whispered.

'Who said he doesn't love you? Don't talk bullshit Sibel. We all know he loves you more than any other person on this planet. He wouldn't just let you walk away that easily. And don't blame yourself for that insident at the club. You needed a friend and Chris was there for you. I'm sure Zayn's going to understand how you feel right now.' she told me.

'I don't think he will love me like he did ever again, Abi. I just screwed things up. It's ov-' I was interrupted as someone walked into the room.

'Abi, I got you something to eat.' The person said and I could clearly hear by his voice that it was Zayn.

I turned to look at him. He didn't even look at me. He just walked in placing the bag and the two cans with coke on the side sitting down on the place Liam sat earlier.

I could feel Abi's stare on me as I slowely stood up.

'I-I think I should leave now..' I whispered releasing my hand from hers.

'I'll come back later' I faked a smile before giving her a kiss on her cheek and walking out of the door. Hopeing that he would just look at me for a second.. that he would say my name and tell me to stay. But there was nothing.

Zayn still ignored me and Abi watched me walk away in silence.

 

Zayn's P.O.V.

 

My heart shattered into a million pieces seeing Sibel like that. I know I was the reason she was upset and I know I should have said something. But I couldn't. I just sat there like nothing was going on and kept on ignoring her. I can't talk to her right now. I need time. Time to think about everything. I need time to figure out how to get her back. But not right now. 

'I'm not hungry, Zayn' I heard Abi mumble nex to me.

'I don't care, you have to eat otherwise Niall will kill me.' I chuckled.

She kept quiet for a couple of minutes before she spoke up.

'Why did you do that?' she looked at me with concern. I knew exactly what she was talking about.

'What?' I asked trying to sound irritated.

'You know what I mean Zayn. Why did you ignore Sibel? What's wrong with you? I mean YOU were the one who wanted to make things right and now you just act like you don't even see her?!' she got angry.

'Abi, look. I don't think it's the right time to talk about this right now. The doctor told us you shouldn't get stressed. Just eat something' I said grabbing the bag but she cut me off by grabbing it herself.

'I'm not gonna eat anything until you tell me what's going on' she said with an angry voice.

I sighed. 

'Alright.' I said before taking a deep breath. 'Yesterday I wanted to talk to you about Sibel, remember?' 

'Of course I remember, idiot! Just go on' she said rolling her eyes on me still pissed of.

'Well, I don't wanted it to sound like I was going to break up or anything.. I.. I just wanted to tell yo-' 'you told Chris he should take care of her! Which means you wanted to break up, Zayn! Don't be stupid' she said interrupting me. 'Of course it sounds like you  wanted to break up' she was clearly annoyed. 'Abi, let me finish' I sighed. 'Yeah,sorry' she said before I continued.

'I don't want to break up with her. And I never will. The only reason I called you was because I wanted to tell you something. I mean, you were right. I need to sort things out and a simple 'I'm sorry' wouldn't be enough..'I said looking into her big brown eyes which were now filled with confusion.

'Oh.. okay? and what was it? I mean what do you want to tell me?' she asked clearly confused.

'I don't think this is the right place or time to tell you' I mumbled.

'C'mon Zayn, tell me what's on you're mind. You know you can tell me everything and I will really do anything to get you both back together' she wasn't pissed anymore and I believed her. They both are literally like sisters and I know she  would do anything to see Sibel happy.

I smiled at her which caused her to smile back.

'Sooo?..' she waited for me to continue.

'Soo.. I decided..that.. ahm you know, I really really do love her right?' I said and she chuckled.

'Spill it Zayn' she laughed. 

'I think.. it would be the best if.. ahm you know.. I wanted to propose to her..' I mumbled the last three words and watched Abi waiting for her reaction.

The next thing I know, I was embrassed in a tight hug while she was screaming into my ear.

'OMG ZAYN! Are you serious?! Oh myy fuckin' god this is the first time I heard something useful coming out of you're mouth Zayn! EVER! Omg this is going to be so perfect! YOU BOTH are perfect Ohhh my good' she screamed and I held her laughing sightly. 

I knew she would be happy about this.

'But.. there is a problem' I said and she stopped hugging me and pulled back looking into my eyes.

'what?' she asked again confused.

'first of all, you are in hospital Abi. This isn't the right time to think about us when you are lying in hospital fighting for your life, and second I'm not even sure about this..' I mumbled.

'What? Zayn are you completely stupid? Don't use me as an excuse, I mean we all know that I'm going to..die after this' she sighed at the thought before continuing. ' And second ' she mocked me 'are you not sure about this in general or are you not sure if she's going to say 'yes' ?'

' Why would she say yes? She hates me.. I'm just such an jealous bastard, she doesn't even deserve me, Abi' I mumbled telling her the truth.

'Shut up, okay? She loves you. More than anyone else. She only loves you. God, what's wrong with you both?! Sibel says she loves you but that you hate her and that you never will love her like you did because she screwed things up, and you? you are trying to tell me that she doesn't deserve you? You both are madly in love with each other that you blame yourself even if you guys know that it's not your fault! Zayn, I'm more than sure this will be the best thing you might do not only for her but also for you. I know how much you love her and I also know that she loves you even more.' she finished her speach and a smile played on my lips.

'You know.. you're right. I love her. More than anything and I know she does too. This is all just.. I don't know. I'm glad I talked to you, Abi. And thank you. Thank you for being there for me.' I smiled at her.

'Shut up Zayn, you're an idiot' she smiled pulling me in a hug.

'But promise me one thing?' I asked her.

'Sure, what is it?' she smiled.

'Don't talk like this ever again. You're not going to die.' I said which caused her to laugh.

'Yeah, sorry' she smiled again. 'Oh and I wont tell Sibel about you're little surprise' she winked.

'Thanks.' I smiled back. 'Oh and Harry also wanted to talk to you about something important I think, shall I send him in?' I smiled at me and she rolled her  eyes.

'What is it with you all and you're suspences today?!' she said frustrated causing me to laugh even louder.

'I guess you're like our personal advisor' I winked and she started to laugh too.

'Yeah of course I am. Just wait until I'm out of this stupid hospital' she chuckled. 'but yeah, tell him to come in' she smiled at me.

I grabbed the bag with chinese food. 'First you need to eat this, it's already cold, love. You don't want me to get Niall, do you?' I laughed but she looked at me with those big brown eyes like I just said something which really hurted her.

'What's wrong?' I asked looking at her.

'Oh.. ahm.. n-nothing. What's in it?' she faked a smile. I thought for a second but desided not to ask her again. I don't want her to be upset right now.

'Two boxes with chinese noodles with chicken and of course Spring Rolls' I smiled at her.

'Zayn, you are amazing' she smiled as I gave her the bag and grabbed my box and a can of coke.

We both ate in silence and I was more than relieved after the talk. Eventhough something inside of me was still unsure about the whole idea. What if it doesn't work? What if she don't want to talk to me ever again? What if Abi was just.. wrong about Sibels feelings? 

But anyways... there is just one way to find out.

 

 

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