The Best of Movellas

A collection of reviews on some of Movellas' greatest stories, poems and other work. As well as reviewing your work this is a great way to get all those 'undiscovered gems' discovered and shown to a wider audience! If you want us to do a review on your work please leave a comment on the bottom saying so. But if you do, you have to be open to criticism but we promise that the criticism will not attack you personally.
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6. Wolf Lake -ChloeMcCormick

Wolf Lake

By ChloeMcCormick 

Category: Fantasy


Published: 27th May 2013

(All the numbers given below are for the Friday 7th June 2013.)

Likes: 8

Favs: 8

Views: 73

Rating: Y

*CURRENTLY ON-GOING STILL*   (Currently on Chapter 1 on Friday 7th June 2013)


 "Welcome to Mateo, home of wolves' Riley Kerr has lived in the small town of Mateo located in the depths of Wyoming her entire life, famous for its wildlife and more so it's vast wolf population. After having a close call with a wolf when a friend abandons her, she vows never to go near the forest for as long as there are still wolves inside. Austin Dimera from Riley's school has saved Riley more than a hand full of times from the wolves at night, and he never fails to do so at the right time. While people are ending up dead and mauled to death by animals Riley is always finding herself in compromising situation with the fierce predators.

 Riley can't figure out why Austin is always around to save her and Riley can't figure out why it's always her that escapes the wolves alive.

 She wants to find out what the wolves want with her and why there's a connection between the Dimera family, the wolves and her."


 The 'Wolf Lake' starts off with the arrival of a friend called Hilary to the main character's (Riley's) house. Normally I would say the best stories always allow you to focus on the main character first before introducing any 'lesser' characters, (not to offend the other characters!) but in this case I find myself doubting my statement here. I like the way it subtly introduces the main character through Hilary; you can really feel the main character's attitude this way towards others. The way she analyses her friend shows how philosophical she is and how she looks at the good and the bad things about people. She seems to also kind of makes excuses for her like when she says "She was nice, I swear." standing up for her even though you can tell she finds her slightly irritating and her family doesn't seem that impressed either. I am looking forward to seeing more of Riley's character and how she interacts with others.

 I like the way Chloe McCormick makes this first chapter serious yet kind of light hearted at the same time. (If that's even possible -Ha ha) She has Hilary (the mischievous friend) persuade her to go and prank a teacher and Chloe makes sure in the text that you can tell how against it Riley is. However I think that the scene in which they are actually doing the pranking seems a bit fast paced and perhaps could be a little slower. But that's just my impression of it. I think that if it took them a little longer for the teacher to find out about them pranking her house it would show the tension more and show how the main character copes with the situation. 

 The layout on the screen is great though! None of those big chunky paragraphs that make your eyes sore just looking at them and absolutely no spelling mistakes! (As far as I can tell.) I like what she is saying is going to happen in the blurb. It just seems so different from your typical romance boy meets girl. The sense of mystery and the idea of mythical creatures is intriguing!

 And who is this Austin guy? You meet him at the end of this first chapter and Chloe McCormick leaves you wanting to know more about this mysterious dude and you can feel the tension between them when he says "Just make sure she's gone within the hour an hour, then." (which I think should perhaps be written slightly differently like "Just make sure she's gone with the hour then" -without the comma and saying 'the' rather than 'an') and when he carries her. However I think that maybe she isn't perhaps as ticked off as she should be at Austin's rudeness. I mean, if I were in her shoes I'd be really really annoyed by his rude behaviour but hey, that's just me and I have a bit of a short temper sometimes I guess. :) 

 I really really want to know how this story is going to develop! In the blurb it talks about a connection between her, the Dimera family and the wolves which sounds really interesting. In general I'm a bit of a werewolf fan so I might be a bit bias... GO TEAM WEREWOLVES!!! But I do honestly think that Chloe is going to make this really interesting for the reader and not too predictable. This is NOT your average boy meets girl story which is good because there are some pretty predictable story lines out there right now and they just drag on and you can already tell whats coming before it happens. I just hope that this story has some interesting twists in it that shock the reader.

 Another thing that I like about this story so far is the layout. (Sorry I have just realised that I am ranting on about the layout yet AGAIN) She has separated it into three parts instead of making those really short chapters which are alright in some cases for stories but I think in this case might just irritate the reader by having to flip and flip the page onto the next chapter, especially if you are on a roll and you are really into the story, and then all of the sudden you have to switch pages which makes the story seem really disjointed and bitty. 

 One thing that I'm not totally sure of though here is right at the end when she is listing why she hasn't talking to Austin before and she has it phrased like this... "I'd not once spoken to Austin before because 1 - he wasn't in my year -2- he was one of those 'look don't touch' type of guys who looked amazing compared to other guys in our school but he never made time for anyone apart from him small group of friends." (I think there is also a mistake here as maybe it should be 'his small group of friends.' rather than him small group of friends. But I'm sure this mistake can be taken care of.) But anyway back to the phrasing -I think it should be phrased more like this...

"I'd not once spoken to Austin before because...

1- he wasn't in my year

2- he was one of those 'look don't touch' type of guys who looked amazing compared to other guys in our school but he never made time for anyone apart from his small group of friends."

...But I guess its more personal preference. :-)

 Overall though I think I'd recommend this probably more to girls aged 13 up as there is some swearing in it that might not be appropriate for the youngsters and I don't think this much of a guy's book as it is more of a romance novel. HOWEVER feel free to prove me wrong all guys out there!

 I think this story is really going to develop into a really great read and its well worth the 10 mere minutes it takes to read it!!!

 Definitely a good choice for any 'Twilight' fans out there who like werewolves. :-)


Comments made by her fans...

"I only had the chance to read the first chapter since I'm quite busy but I am definitely making more time so I can finish this! The picture you provided at the top really got me in the mood of the story. Also, you pull the reader in so it's like you're actually in the book. :)

Everything flowed along really nicely and I could tell you were going at your own pace at developing the story line. I'm seriously not surprised that this is so popular! :)"

-PJ Manga101

"OK, I shall continue commenting on EVERY new chapter there is. 

This is fantastic!!! Loving the cliff-hanger at the end of chapter 17!!!!! UPDATE!! I have the huge assembly thing today .... 3 hours!!! You can write a new chapter in that time :) wish me luck!!"



Review by:   ToryB

Hiya everyone!!!

Another MANNOTH review for you guys! Hope you didn't get too bored!!! :-) Any movellas you want us to take a look at please say so at the bottom!!!

Get writing everyone and good luck!!!

Buzzy Bye!!! :-) 

*Don't forget to check out her trailer for it...   *


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