The Best of Movellas

A collection of reviews on some of Movellas' greatest stories, poems and other work. As well as reviewing your work this is a great way to get all those 'undiscovered gems' discovered and shown to a wider audience! If you want us to do a review on your work please leave a comment on the bottom saying so. But if you do, you have to be open to criticism but we promise that the criticism will not attack you personally.
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7. The Movement -Summer Blue

The Movement

By SummerBlue

Category:    Science Fiction

Link:   http://www.movellas.com/book/read/201306021104384018


Published: 7th May 2013

(All the numbers given below are for the Thursday 12th June 2013.)

Likes: 9

Favs: 7

Views: 106

Rating: G

*CURRENTLY ON-GOING STILL*  (Currently on Chapter 1 on Thursday 12th June 2013)

Blurb:

"What would you do if you had to leave Earth to move to another planet? Without your family so you were totally alone? When Melody is forced to leave her home  and move to Syania, she is devastated. Until she meets Gabriel who changes the way she thinks.

The way she feels. The people she loves."

Review:

 I'm going to be honest here. I think this story needs a LOT of work, but I also think it has GREAT potential and there are aspects in this story that literally RADIATE awesomeness. 

 So what I'm going to do is I am going to now go on to comment on all the bits that I think have great potential and then afterwards point out all the things that probably need to be altered so this story can achieve its potential.

 Then once I'm done rambling on within an inch of my life and you guys are all thoroughly bored; you NEED to check it out. Summer Blue wrote this chapter for the Science Fiction competition but now she is CONSIDERING making it into a full story, but she needs all the support she can get.

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 Summer Blue's blurb indicates the potential for a brilliant  storyline. The idea of having to leave Earth to move to another planet without your family and friends is very daunting and Summer Blue will need to try and get across all those conflicting emotions the main character is going to feel as she soars away into the sky towards her new home. So feelings like despair, hopelessness, anger, depression and so forth is going to have to be entwined in the atmosphere of her story. But also perhaps the idea of her feeling kind of glad that she was the one to escape and she was the one chosen to get away.

 I think the idea of this science fiction novel being a romance as well is also a great idea, as long as it is approached right. You don't want to make this story too predictable with the only people alive falling in love with each other. (Not that that is bad or anything, but I don't think it will work in this story... maybe... But I don't think that is the approach this story is going to take here.) I also think that the relationship between Gabriel and Melody needs to gradually build up over time so that we can avoid any cheesy scenarios but I guess that's personal preference. 

 Anyway, enough with ideas. Where I think the potential is lying in this story so far is her attitude. She portrays all the emotions I mentioned above that should be in it. But Summer Blue doesn't introduce so many emotions all at once that would overwhelm the reader and make them feel overcrowded. This story is also very clear in the way its explains her position, how she is travelling to go onto this strange foreign planet and how her family has stayed at home. I really want to know how this is though. Why is it just her that is traveling to this new planet and not the rest of her family too? Why is it that her family were chosen to represent their country? Did they put some more people in from her country once they found out her family wasn't coming and it was just her?

 I also love the way she has a name for the people who are going to this planet. 'They call us The Experiencers.' It sounds pretty damn cool. I also really want to know more about this new planet as in says in the story, 'Now they have finished building and repairing the planet, we get to experience it,' This gives an almost metallic, futuristic feeling to this new world. Is it going to be a dazzling white modern new world, full of lots of new technology and creations? Or is it going to take on a more crazy nature kind of feel? With lots of interesting new creatures and wildlife? (Like in Avatar -ha ha)

 But where I see the real potential is the dramatic ending... it is totally awesome!!! SPOILER ALERT: The dude she runs into is an alien! Aaaaah! 

 I love the way she has managed to make this ending so dramatic too; it makes you practically begging for more. Leaving big gaps between the last two lines just shows how the slow realisation crosses her mind and how shocked she is when it finally does.

 I really want to know more about this boy! However I think that the bit beforehand needs work on the wording though. She realises that this boy is an alien simply by the knowing that there were no seventeen year old boys on the rocket before they left and I think that this isn't enough information to prove that he is an alien since if this were the case she would just simply assume he was a stowaway rather than an alien.

 Personally I think that he should perhaps look slightly alien maybe? So maybe that is why she realises he is a alien? Just an idea.

 One other thing I think that needs perhaps changing is the description of the galaxy from outside of her window when she looks out. I think here there should be perhaps a little more description of the galaxy here so the reader can get into the character's head and see how in ore of it she is yet how conflicted she feels about abandoning her family.

-I know this story needs quite a bit of work, but so does most stories and again you guys NEED to check it out. Summer Blue NEEDS support on this.

 Overall I think that this story is suitable for ALL!!! Its not got any swearing or anything in it so any age could read this. (Except I don't think any 1 year olds or anything could possibly read this, so when I say 'ALL' I mean within a reasonable range) 

 It only takes 3 minutes to read so get reading!

:-)

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NOTICE:

Here I'm going to put on a selection of a few comments with the usernames of the people who made them on this bit here. So if you have read this movella and would like to have done one of these short comments here, please message below or find some other way of contacting me!!! :)

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Review by:    ToryB

Hullo all you crazy dudes and dudettes out there!

So like I said - Check this story out. You will not regret it.

Anyone who wants their movella to be the focus of the next chapter or anyone else's movella that they think deserves it, say so in the comments section below!

Chow!    :-)

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