Listening To The Silent Lyrics

What happens when your ordinary life turns into a drama? What happens when your dreams become true and you meet the love of your life? Well this is it for 16 year-old Lucy Mai. But this is no fairy tale. This is real life.

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57. Go kill yourself

Lucy's POV (warning, this chapter may be triggering if you have depression)

go kill yourself... 

Wouldn't have happened if you had kept your gob shut ....

All your fault...

I couldn't think straight. Those words drowned out the rest of the world from me. My eye weren't taken off Lily's delicate face. Her eyes were still open. Still looking right into mine even though they were dead. That's just how Chloe's looked. An exact replica of the same shade of colours and patterns. I couldn't move an inch. I am scared to hurt her.

Darren is right. This is all my fault. I should have kept my mouth shut. I've been told this countless times and I STILL DON'T LISTEN! I've had 4 too many chances to listen. Once is enough, as my mother use to say. If you carry on and on the other person is pressured into it and it won't be the same.... ever again...

5 people I have killed. All of which I have thought of as family or are my family. I can't keep getting close to people anymore. They will end up dead and I'll end up hurting all over again.

Go kill yourself....

His voice echoed. If I do that then no one else will die. No one else will be hurt. I will be taken away and never able to crush anyone again. Who knows who could be next? Harry, Mya, the boys and their girlfriends, a random strangers baby? I am bad luck. I am a curse. I am the devils child. He wants the most innocent people to hurt. He is too afraid to do it himself. He sends another child to do it. His child.

I felt myself being lifted up. I blink myself back into reality. A man in a high visibility jacket and green trousers lifts me up onto a stretcher. He tries to catch my attention but still, I cannot hear him. 

Go kill yourself...

Darrens voice wont leave! Its there. Haunting my mind. Poisoning my thoughts. Paralyzing me from reality. Cutting off my only communication. 

A small torch is shone in my eyes. The man snaps his fingers in front of my face. His mouth opens. Words come out. I can see them. But I can't reach them. In through one ear; out the other, Mother told me that's what the teachers said. I didn't listen in class up until year 5 when the incident happened. 

I should've listened. I needed discipline. I would've been such a good and wanted child if I had that. I could've been like Chloe. 

I can join her if I want. I can join all of them in Heaven. But I'm going to hell. I know it better than anyone that I'm going there. I have been such a bad person. 

Go kill yourself...

Isn't there a way I can stop all this?

Go kill yourself...

I want the easy option.

Go kill yourself...

What's the quickest way out of this?

Go kill yourself...

That's it. I'll go kill myself. I still remember all the methods. Jump, bleed, over dose, hang. That's easy enough. I'll just choose one of those. Maybe if I go to Switzerland I can get the assisted suicide. It's just an injection then minutes after, peace. 

When I'm gone, I don't want to be remembered. I'd rather be forgotten so others are happy then remembered and be mourned. I don't want tears to be spilt over something that didn't accomplish anything but 5 murders. 

I'll need to fade away out of society first. Have my name washed away. Then, when nobody will care, I'll do it. I'll die. 

Go kill yourself...

I will.

 

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