The Truth

I'm going to tell you the truth about me. No lies. No tricks. The full and honest truth. I'm an honest person, why would I lie? You wanted to know me, so here I am!

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1. The Truth About Me.

The Truth Is...

  I don't know how to show my true self. I've tried pictures, I've tried songs. I guess words are I have left right? So I'm putting this out there, for everyone to see. I'm not afraid, though I once was. Maybe people I know will read this but no one will think it's me. Because no one knows me for me. They know me, but not all of me.    The Truth Is....   I'm homesick. But I'm home. Does that make any sense to you? I didn't think so. But it's true.  You know, I just feel like I want to go home all the time, but I am home! I feel like screaming, but I can't because it makes no sense. How can you want to be in the place you belong, when you already are in the place you belong?   The truth is....   I'm unstable. That I'll admit. I talk to the pictures on my wall and to myself. I'm crying one minute, laughing the next. What's wrong with me? Honestly, I don't know and I'm sick of it! I'm sick of wondering why? Why am I like this and why can't I change?   The Truth Is....   I'm happy, but I'm numb. I don't know, it's just like I feel, but then... deep down.... I can't feel. I just feel, sort of empty. I don't think that there is a cure for that, at least not now anyways. Maybe one day there will be, and I'm looking forwards to it, but for now I'm going to have to stay put with this sort of gap inside of me.   The Truth Is....   I guess my worst fear is being alone. I mean, I have friends and I have family. But sometimes I just feel so alone, like no-one is there to be there for me. I don't know, it just really scares me. Will I ever find someone for me, or will I be stuck loving someone who will never love me back. Am I stuck being alone forever?   The Truth Is....   I'm weak. I'm young and I'm naive. I hate it.   The Truth Is...   Most people are fangirls because they love the book, movie... whatever. Me? There is a deeper meaning to that....   I'm not happy with myself right now. Well, I am... I just don't know! I want to be happy with myself, not have to worry about what people think of me. In the fictional world, they don't judge me. With these other worlds, I don't have to be here, I can be there too. I guess I've sort of made it my own little place. I've loved these since I was young and I think it's a part of me I'll never let go.   The Truth Is...   I've never cut. I've tried, but never been able to do it. I'm just too weak. And you might be thinking it's a good thing I can't, but honestly, I think it's worse. Trying to do something that might release the pain for a bit, but knowing you aren't even strong enough to do that....   The Truth Is.....   I've always wanted an older brother. Someone that cares for me, I can rely on. Someone who I can be close to, laugh with, have fun with. But it's too late, I guess now anyways.   The Truth Is...   I've sort of deluded myself into thinking this fantasy of mine. It's real, I tell myself and I refuse to deny it. But deep down I know it's not. Maybe it's just something that keeps me stable, grounded even.   The Truth Is....   How can you love someone that's not even real? I don't know. It's like I just said, he's made up, he's just pretend. I hope, he's here. I really do. But why would he be? He's just someone I made up, in hopes to bring me happiness and in a way he does. But he also doesn't.   The Truth Is.....   Have you ever heard the line. "The ones that smile the brightest hurt the most inside" That's me. On the outside, I'm happy. I'm carefree and smiling. Why? Because I want to see others smile too, when truly I can't. I'm a pessimist, not and optimist, though people see it vise versa.   The Truth Is....   I cry. But when it comes to those times when I'm expected to cry, the tears don't come.    The Truth Is....   I dream of a place where I can just be happy. I want to be free, no rules, no fences. Somewhere I can go when everyone is crowding me. I've made one up, and I daydream about it. But I want it to be real! Maybe this is the home I want?   The Truth Is....   I'd rather love and be heartbroken than never love at all.   The Truth Is....   I'm not depressed. I'm not suicidal. I love my life, I love my family and friends. Don't let it seem otherwise. Life is too beautiful to let go.   The Truth is....   I'm glad I wrote this.   
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