Princess Peach's Secret Diary

game fan fic. Enjoy!

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1. Chapter 1

Dear Diary,

 

Bowser made us move castles again. Apparently the one on world 6 was too easy for my 'boyfriend' Mario, and we must relocate to world 7. I hate the castles, they are not femine at all. They are grey, dank and boring. If I had a castle it would be massive, and pink, and would have a garden of rainbows and a stable full of unicorns. :) Once I get rescued I shall have a castle like that in World 3 with the beaches. 

 

I also had to make my own bed today! The horror. My precious nails can't endure such a damaging task. Apparetly because of cutbacks in the budget Bowser Jr can't afford a maid until World 8, this life sucks. Bowser jr asked me again today why I was named after a fruit, and again told him the truth which he did not believe. The truth was how someone asked me what my name was, and I couldn't remember so I did remember I was a  princess (I think the beautiful 20 million carat gold crown gave it away) and I was eating a peach at the time, (heavens knows why, fruit is for poor civilians like Yoshi. I should have been eating canopies.) And so I told that person that my name was Princess Peach, and somehow it stuck and I am now known as a princess named after a fruit. I am a laughing stock as the WPCOMANWT (the Women's princess club of manners and nice womanly things.)I mean why can't I have been holding a daisy when that stupid man asked me what my name was? Princess Daisy with her perfect brown hair, and scrumptious yellow gown living a life of luxuary, because oh no she wasnt the damsel in distress, and oh no she wasnt the one that has to have a little man (who is half the size of me may I add) come and rescue her from tower to tower. I mean I have to be saved by mario. He gets bigger by eating mushrooms for crying out loud. (but between you and me, I think something else may need enlarging with those mushrooms and I am not talking about his body size..)  But he is soo weak, one touch of a kooper trooper, or a skeleton yoshi and oh no! he shrinks. I mean I want a real man who can withstand a touch of a turtle. I must leave now, otherwise frown lines will show on my delicate face, and that would be a too bigger crisis for me to handle.

 

Dear Diary,

I HAVE RAN OUT OF SHAMPOO. This. Is. The. End. Of. The. World. My beautiful golden hair, (the one good thing that is better than Princess stupid Daisy) and it has gone limp and it has lost it's shine. I have asked the castle staff to go and buy me some, but apparently Mario is near to entering the castle and all staff must be on full alert. That damn little man. Why couldn't he have just been stuck on the first world? Then I could have got my sparkle shampoo. Ohhh.

 

 

Dear Diary,

Well, I have finally got shampoo from me demanding to walk out from this castle to Mario if I don't get any. I also learnt how to use this device called a toaster today. It gives me a heart attack every time the little thing pops out. I am way to precious for this kind of cruelty. as soon as I am rescued I am going straight to my lawyer for compensation of cruelty to princesses. Apparently, once I have finished this hell of a game I am to be bumped up to a game called Super Mario Kart. Exciting. It got me thinking though, why can't games me named after me? Like Princess Peach manner's game. Or Princess Peach manicure parlour? Why can't I? Its probably because I'd get caught within the first 10 seconds of the game starting, just like this one. Mario runs off as usual to see some lightening hit a building, leaving poor me on my own un protected, and here comes bowser and bowser Jr (who wears sort of a bib balaclava thing that he thinks makes him look like a scary badass. I think it makes him look like a poof. I did offer to sew him a frilled satin waistcoat which is the height of fashion in this months Royal magazine but the silly thing said no, he said he rather the stupid bib) and they threw me into a dingy castle in world 1, and I am used as bait for Mario to come and rescue me. Pathetic I know. There wasn't even a mall in world 1 (as if life couldn't have got any worse). I nearly died that week waiting to move to world 2. The civilians of world 1 sure like the simple life. No hair products stores, no nothing. Had to be the worst week of my life, I can't believe I survived it. I am most defiantly a saint.

 

Dear Diary,

Lugi popped in to the game today, trying to save me (story of my life). Is it just me or is Luigi hot? In those tight blue dungarees. I might have a crush for dear old Mario's brother, the one who works at the casino in the mini games. My, wouldn't I mind if we played a game or two. Oh well, mario will just have to live with the fact that I am most in love with Luigi. Toad came to see me today, and we had tea on the terrace, (the one Princess duty I still can do) and he was telling me some stuff about the world and how there is a sale on gowns next week. Ohh my luck may be begining to turn! I must go now, a I need my beauty sleep. Must look pretty for hunky Luigi tomorrow. :p

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