Dear Friend

Hey. You might know this tecnique from the book and film 'Perks of being a Wallflower.' But I really hope that you enjoy my personal story. :)

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1. Letter 1.

29th May, 2013. Dear Friend, I am writing to you because you will listen, maybe even understand. You will read about me on this and realise I am a sad story. This is just a way for me to make a friend, I need a friend. It has been constant torture since 2010. The start of year 7. I know what your thinking, over dramatic and fake but it isn't that. I am doing this so I can show you my story, to help people. I never used to be the type of person who would fight back, because I saw my mother get hit by her ex boyfriends and I have nearly died so many times in my life it has changed my view on things a lot. I don't trust anyone and when I do trust someone it lasts about a month then they do something to make me not like them. Maybe your gathering that I push people away, but maybe your also gathering that I am getting into more depth. My favourite school teacher is actually my only friend, she is my English teacher from last year, she is great. I remember one time, I was at school and I was sitting in Language class when someone came and knocked on the door asking for me, I didn't know who the lady was but when I left the room there was 2 of them. I walked with them until we got to a small room with 3 chairs and a fold out table and they asked me all these weird questions. They asked things like, 'Does your mum's boyfriend ever hit your mum?' and 'Do you ever get hit.' I don't lie so I nodded to them both and they wrote down notes. I finally asked them who they were and they were an adoption agency, well DOCS. I cried when they told me that I might have to move into a random family, they had cats and a lot of children and I didn't like that. I like personal space. I got home and told mum and she fell to the ground in tears, my dad was never around. Well since I was 3 anyways. I won't get into detail about why he left but I remember it was a week before my heart surgery. I was sad. But my mum was so scared of loosing me that she didn't let me go to school for a month, and I was scared for my safety because every weekend my mum was getting bashed. Once my mother finally left the man who caused her so much pain we moved to where we are now. I won't say the town because I am Unknown. But I will say that I really like it here, I found myself. Well after year 8 I did. In year 8, I hun out with the wrong crowds, I would always go to parties and get with boys who I meant nothing to but at the time I thought they loved me. I got a name for myself, slut, whore, everything. I didn't care though, the bitterness of beer and the cigarette and drugs kept me numb. I loved it. My grades dropped through the year and I almost repeated. I am sad that I got to that state but at the same time happy because it made me realise that I am worth something. In year 9, I started trying. My grades would be better and I had a lot of friends. I wasn't known as the slut or the whore anymore I was known as the nice girl. I was someone. It was all fabulous till halfway through the 1st semester that I started getting bullied by this one girl. She called me all different names, and braught up my past. It was about a month later that I was a nobody again, I had no friends. I didn't know why I was being so hated, because I started to hate myself too. I remember in April last year I tried to kill myself for the first time. There was a point there where I thought I was dead but I won't get into detail about it all. The bullying eventually blew over though and I have 2 friends. They were great until they hated me too again. I never felt so worthless. I eventually got depression and anxiety, and I cut my wrists and my legs all the time. I was worthless so what was the point right? By the end of year 9, my life was back on track. My scared wrists were not fresh cuts and I was then a bit happier. In May though, I moved to a different town. And I made new friends on the bus but still went to the same school. These people didn't know me, they didn't know my story. I met a boy. Because you might know him lets just say his name is Finn. Finn made me feel so special, and we dated for 4 months. I didn't really love him, but I liked him a lot. When he found out about the real me, he dumped me. I got bad again, but this time instead of cutting I got flashbacks of everything that has happend to me in the past. I didn't talk to him for a long time. But now we are good friends, we are very... Close. So, now we are up to 2013. I am in grade 10. I have my ife on track and stable, just like last year. And I didn't really think to much about anything. I didn't want a boyfriend, didn't think about my dad. Then that changed. My dad added my facebook, and I was so shocked. It messed with my head, emotionally mentally. I was so sad, and then when we finally met I was so happy but when he didn't talk to me I got bad again. I was mad even. I started going to church last year and the local youth group. They make me feel ood, like I am not a sad story. I have made so many excellent friends and I feel great. I even met a boy there and we dated for a while. But then I broke up with him, fear spreadin over me when I was getting bad flashbacks again. I couldn't turn them off. They kept going. I am still very upset about that, how I ended everything. And I still have depression and anxiety even though it dosen't look like it. I cry a lot, and I hurt myself a lot. I made a really good friend though but she lives really far away. Up state, and it sucks.. I am focussing on studies right now though. I am so upset but I will soon understead the concept of my life and what I am doing here. I even write poetry for fun, no one knows about it until right now though.. I have to go though. I am busy writing poetry. I will talk to you soon. Love always, A. x
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