Thinking Of You (ZAYN MALIK- complete)

(A Shory Story dedicated to one of my best friends - Anna Dufourt.)
How can I get better when I had the best. He said I must move on but where did he expect me to go?
He thought he wasn't the right one for me and told me that his NEW world would only break us apart - even more apart. I said I wouldn't mind but he still left and concluded that he's never the best for me. And now what? Did he honestly believe that Al was the best lad for me? Did he really let everything we had go just because he thinks I can be happier with Al? How could you just accept it Zayn? Don't you know that everytime I'm with him I was THINKING OF YOU. Only you.

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4. Letting You Go

III. ‘How could I let myself let you go? Now the lesson was learned, I touched it I was burned. I wish I was looking into your eyes’

 

I swear I feel like I’m floating somewhere - above the clouds maybe? It’s like my soul’s having a journey in another dimension of this world. Okay, let me get you to the exact point.

 It feels like I am dreaming. Wait. Am I dreaming? Can somebody slap me?

*Blag!*

“Ouch!” Geez, that hurts!

Wait. I was hurt? I felt it? Does that mean I am not dreaming?

“Maam, be careful” the man cautioned me, but it’s too late. I already bumped my face at the glass door real hard, waking me up and telling me that everything is for real. Everything really did happen.

First, I saw Zayn but he didn’t notice me. I actually run away the moment I realized that it was him. Gosh, why did I do that? I want to kill myself for not hugging him instead.

Second, the bosses of the recording company were impressed on my past records and told me that they would love to have me on the project. They actually wanted me to work with them when I graduate – Insane, right? Or should I say, AmaZAYN! Haha. I got that term from 1D’s fans – cool, isn’t it?

And…

Everyone…

Take.

A.

Deep.

Breathe.

Moments of silence please.

*sigh*

Lastly, but certainly not the least - I. MET. PERRIE. And she’s damn gorgeous and friendly, it hurts! Gosh! Seriously! I can’t believe it but I have to! We even got each other’s number saved on our phones now.

How does that happen? Well, the music video that I’ll be working on was for Little Mix’s song ‘Pretend It’s Okay’. Gosh, of all their songs, why does it have to be that emotional one? I swear that song reminds me so much of Zayn, it’s like that song was literally speaking to me. And of all the artists here in UK, why does it have to be Zayn’s girlfriend’s band I’ll be working with.

What did I do to deserve this torture? I mean, when I continue to work with them, for sure, in one way or another I’ll see Zayn… being with her.

I opened my apartment’s door, glancing at the clock hanging across my small living room. It was already 10:30 in the evening, yet I still haven’t eaten anything. I am so knackered and feeling so lonely, I wish my mom’s here to cook dinner for me. In moments like this I always think of my family, our home and everything that surrounds it. I miss Bradford and all the people in it. I miss Zayn’s mom – Trisha – the way she acts like my second mom and the way she always tease me about Zayn, she would always remind me that she knew Zayn and I would end up together since we were kids. I miss talking to Doniya –Zayn’s oldest sister – she always gives me sisterly advice and shares everything about her past relationships, I’ve learned a lot from her. I also miss Waliyaa and Safaa, my happy and carefree days with them, I used to go outside with them and eat ice cream from the convenience store nearby. Mostly, I miss Zayn – the old him – the Bradford teenager living a simple life.

I wish when I go back there…I’ll be with my Zainie. But I don’t think that would still happen.

Oh god, when will I stop thinking about him. I whispered.

Meow.

“’Ello there Missy. How’ve you been? You miss me?”I said, caressing my cat’s fluffy and furry skin.

Meow. Meow.

She looks so lonely, too.  “Why Missy? Oh I know, you’re hungry?”

Meow. Meow.

“Lemme get you something to eat ‘kay?”

Meowwww.

 I slightly pinched her fluffy belly before standing up to get her food on the kitchen. I’m sure I bought a week supply for her food. So there should be a can left somewhere above here. But all I saw was a box of Yorkshire tea, three cup noodles and some chips Al bought for me.

I glanced at the refrigerator but I noticed a paper in front of it just before I open it. I saw my name saying that the letter is for me – of course it’s for me, I’m the only one who lives here.

Gosh, wait. A letter? Oh my gosh. Could this be a death wreathe? Should I call 911? No I can’t! That emergency hotline was in America. If they come here to rescue me I might be dead already. Oh my goooosh. Oh I know , I should call the avengers instead! Super heroes come to rescue faster right? Yes, right. But…I don’t know their hotline number. Do they mentioned it in the movie? Omg. I’m dead.

Sigh.

Man, I have weird monologues in mind.

I took it to see what’s written on it. And realized that it was just from Al. Calm down , Anna. Calm down.

 

 

Anna,

Hey, it’s me, babe. How are you? I was probably in New York by the time you discover this letter. The Big Apple was thousands of miles away from London and I don’t know how I will even survive having that massive distance from you. You see, I learned to live my life, for the past three years, protecting you, having you and loving you.

 

I smiled and sit on my dining stool to continue this sweet letter from Al. That bloke, never failed  to give me wonderful surprises.

 

But the reason I’m writing you this letter is to tell you things that I can’t bear to say in person.

 

But then the smile on my face slowly faded. I furrowed my brows for the  sudden change of mood in Al’s letter. I grabbed my eye glasses hanging in my collar and put it for a clearer vision.

 

It’s been a couple of years since Zain started his career. I can’t say that he left, because I know, in your heart, he stayed. Anna, I know you still love him and that’s something I tried to change. I hoped that maybe there might be a chance for you to love me the way you do to him but I know you never did. Every time I kiss you or hug you, you still see Zain in me. I knew it from the very start that it was only him. It hurts, but I tried my best to ignore it and just show you how I can be that man who deserves you.

But when I saw Zain again last month, near our university, I realized that I can never be him. I haven’t told you about this because I’m afraid you might run away from me if I tell you what we’ve talked about. He asked me about you and I saw something familiar the moment he mentioned your name. It was the same expression you had every time you see him in the television or whenever you heard his voice on the radio. I saw the same longing you had in his eyes. I know you both miss each other. He also asked me if I gave you the necklace. Yes, it was the necklace you’re wearing right now, it was from him. Zain gave it to you three years ago, just before he went at the X factor’s house.

I’ve finally decided to give it to you and let you do whatever your heart wishes to. I want to let you know that I love you , Anna, I really do. I cherished all the good times I had with you. But I guess I can’t keep you in this relationship when every time I’m with you, you’re thinking of him.

I’m letting you go, Anna. I can’t tell this to you personally because I’m afraid that when you see me crying, you’d pity me. I know you’re too kind that you might change your mind and stay. But I don’t want to have you because of pity.

Thank you for letting me show my love for you. Also, tell Zain ‘thank you’ for letting me borrow you for a little while. He loves you Anna, and he still does. I can see it in his eyes that he is willing to wait for the right time. But there will never be a right time if you both just keep on waiting.

Don’t be afraid. Be strong and fight for each other.

Goodbye, Anna. Take care.

Yours Truly,

Al

 

 

Al’s letter made me contemplate through a lot about what happened the past three years. It’s been three long years without Zayn, yet I still hoped that he’d come back. I said I don’t think I’d ever survive without him and can’t live my life without Zayn by my side, but I actually did. I thought it’d be hard but Al helped me cope with everything. Al was there with me through it all but what I did was to keep on looking for things – someone – that wasn’t there. Now the only person I had with me was gone. I took him for granted and pushed him away instead of appreciating him and giving my love in return.

Maybe we’re better off this way. Al needs to find someone who could love him the way he deserves to be.

While me… I don’t know.

Should I keep on holding on? When the person I was expecting to come back for me seemed to have someone else. Should I keep on waiting for Zayn when he obviously had Perrie.

Perrie was an enough proof that their relationship was there – in the internet actually, that’s the only place I saw it – alive and burning me each time I see it.

The next day, I went to the recording company for our brainstorming about the music video. I proposed the concept of shooting some scenes at the famous land marks here in London. It will be about the girls - of Little Mix - reminiscing their days with the boy as they go back to the places they used to go. Jade will be shooting at the St. Paul’s Cathedral , Jessie at the West End , Leigh’s going to be in front of the Big Ben and Perrie, will be at the park where London’s Eye was situated.

Sounds familiar? Well, I guess I’d been thinking a lot about Al’s letter and what he said about Zayn, that’s why I came up with that idea. The team agreed and got everything ready for the next days.

 

We started shooting the music video all around London. Every day, I was able to see Perrie but Zayn never showed up – I was expecting that he’d somehow miss his girlfriend and pay a visit on one of our shoots, but there’s no Zayn Malik present at any day we had. I was starting to wonder if their relationship was real because Zayn used to visit me all the time, as long as he could, back then. Zayn used to go wherever I went, supporting me and spending all his free times with me – we were inseparable. But what happened? Did the Zain I know changed his ways?

I started to rely on the internet for the information that I am looking for – confirmations that their relationship was real. But to my dismay the gossip sites never gave me the exact thing that I wanted to know. It only gave me inaccurate information about him. They tend to accuse Zayn of cheating and sleeping with other girls whilst on the other city during their tours. I mean Zayn was never like that, those were a hundred percent rubbish things made up by the press. I am glad his fans still stood by his side and never believed the rumors. Though it still hurt me to see how their fans support their relationship. They call Zayn and Perrie as Zerrie, they love them and twitter seemed to tell me that Zayn really did love her. While here I am, still hoping that all of it was a sham.

I need to talk to Zayn to ask him the truth. But how? How will I go barge in to the other side of this world – his world – the pop star world.

 

Sigh.

~

 

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