Last Kiss (COMPLETE)

A mega popstar fan-girling over another popstar? Yes, it's possible. But him, falling in love with her? Is it possible? He doesn't think so. First off, Edward feels all this weighty feelings whenever Hazel is around. Second, he can't fancy her basically because she had a boyfriend -as what he saw from the news. But why in the holy name of One Direction is she still pushing her self to get in his life? He had no idea... All he knew was all of this starts when he got into an accident and forgot entirely the last year of his life. Well Hello? he had enough of his own popstar drama and he doesn't need another one. Is Hazel a good help for him to recover his vanished memory? Or is she just another distraction. "SHE EVEN ASKED ME OUT CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!......" Edward felt so emasculated.

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7. VI. I don't Know How To Be Something You Miss

VI. I don't know how to be something you miss

 

The constant camera flashes were Edward’s last memory for that night in Hong Kong. He wasn’t able to see Hazel the next day to say sorry, to clear things up or better, to have a long talk about everything. Both groups are being fetched by their personal planes earlier than planned. Hazel and Ivy we’re sent back to New York whilst the boys are back in London.

Well, he tried to talk to the girl but Hazel doesn’t want to, she said that maybe it would be better for them to have their own space first. She never wanted to force Edward on remembering things but everything seemed to get off hand during their stay in Hong Kong. They planned this vacation expecting that Edward would remember everything if they go back to the place where most of his last year memories were made but things got even worse; none of them expected that everything would turn out into a total disorder.

 

It was their day off, their flat was nothing but a mess, the sound of the television was all you could hear, no one is talking, just slouching on the couch and trying to be busy with anything. William and Lee are outside with their girlfriends, lucky lads; they got girlfriends that could make them feel better at situations like this. Javaad sighed as he continuously click the remote control trying to find a sensible program to watch but none of it satisfies him, his eyes were on the moving figures on the screen but his mind was entirely focused on something else. Same as Edward who’s beside him checking all the sites in the internet that could possibly make him remember about his relationship with Hazel – finally, the management allowed him to get his gadgets back.

Edward tried to type their name on google and it immediately showed him millions of pictures , videos, news articles , blogs and fan pages of him and Hazel. William is right, the internet won’t be such a very nice help for him to recover because he doesn’t know what stories are true or not.

He can see himself smiling next to the girl, they were so in love in every picture and they seemed inseparable, both oblivious to the world around them. The press had posted articles on the gossip sites describing his feelings for the girl, everything was detailed from the gifts he’d given to the places they spent Holidays together. Yes, he can see pictures of them holding hands, interviews wherein they were asked about each other and some rumors that tried to ruin their relationship, but none of it made him feel exactly how he loved Hazel before. Neither the pictures nor the articles had leaded his heart back to her.

 Sure, he’s starting to like Hazel now but what he wanted was to get all the feelings he had back then, so he won’t hurt Hazel anymore. He thought they could just simply get back together but things are different now. For the past five months he’d been focused with his vanished memory, he felt so miserable and pitied himself not knowing that someone else is hurting more… waiting for him to remember her. Hazel had done so much just to help him but all he did was to push the girl away and never give a chance. From what he saw they’ve been dating for almost a year already when the accident happened and he unfortunately lost everything he had with Hazel – that information felt like pulling his heart out, he felt sorry for himself. How could he be so innocent about everything? He frowned as he asks himself why, why can’t he feel the same way as that curly boy in these pictures? Why can’t he see the same sparks around them the last time he’s with Hazel?

“Mate…You okay?” Javaad inquired as he noticed the boy beside him scrunched its hair.

Edward shook his head slowly. “Why can’t I remember her…” he whispered desperately, looking at the navy blue carpet below. He moved his toes in the carpet with force as if he could destroy it with his foot.

Javaad moved closer to Edward and placed his hand above its back. “Mate, don’t force yourself, you’ll get into a worse situation if you kept on thinking like you are right now.” Javaad startled, he was worried with his friend. If only memories are like songs that you could basically re-download when you lost it then he could’ve done it for Edward from the moment he lost everything.

“But I want to be the boy Hazel used to have again. I don’t want to feel different with her anymore, I want to love her the way I did before. But…But I can’t… all I know is I’m just desperate… I don’t know which is real anymore” words just continuously go out of his mouth.

Javaad just looked at the same carpeted floor.

“Hazel loves you so much mate. I know that she can’t just leave you, she understands you more than you know” Javaad slightly tilted his head to Edward’s side, arms resting on his knees.

“But I guess all of us had our end point and she was already there. She’s now tired of me, I think she agreed with her management to not see me anymore. I ruined everything” Edward docked, desperation laced on his voice.

“No…” said Javaad asEdward looked at him with confusion. “she can’t just give up. Hazel is a strong girl and she knows how your relationship is worth fighting for.” Javaad continued, a smile plastered on his lips, as if he was so sure on what he’s saying.

 

 “I can’t continue our relationship this way, I should be the one fighting for her. I think I’ll just let her go and let her find her own happiness to others. I don’t want to hurt her any longer…”

“Don’t..” Javaad cut him off. “You know, I wish I could transfer all my memories on your head so you could remember all those things I witnessed, chiefly all those smile you had when you we’re with her, mate. I know this sounds cheesy, but when you’re with her, you’re not the lazy and grumpy Edward I know anymore. I don’t know what, but there’s something in Hazel that made you very lively. You were all happy and just…in love” Javaad said the last words dreamily with a sigh.

Edward felt better hearing those words from Javaad, it sounded so encouraging yet he still had a dubt.

~

James thought of Hazel as a very strong lady, she won’t just give up, that’s why he cannot believe what Ivy just said. His girlfriend explained everything and all the decision that has been made – by Hazel, by the management and by her. Decisions that will make them lose the happiness they just had a few days ago. He’s willing to take any risk just to save the relationship they started but it seemed like his girlfriend decided to choose the safer side.

He loves to listen to Ivy’s voice; he loves to pay attention with everything that the girl has to say. But for the first time, all he wanted was to stop her from talking because every word she’s saying felt like a hammer pounding his heart into million pieces. He can hear her but his mind and heart doesn’t want to listen.

 “I’m sorry James… I’m not sure anymore… I think we should take a break until everything goes well or maybe just stop this at all…” Ivy avoided looking at the screen of her laptop, she knows she’ll break down the moment James agreed on putting their relationship into an end. This is the first time she felt this way, so in love but helpless. She doesn’t want to let go but they are worlds apart and distance kept on telling her how wrong it was to continue the relationship they have.

James just shook his head; the lad looked all gloomy staring at his girlfriend’s face on the screen. He wants to hug her, to stop her from breaking up with him, kiss her and make everything feel better but distance won’t let him. He cherished her smiles, her giggles, the way she laughs, her sense humor, everything about her. He’s willing to do anything for her but she seemed like she’d made up her mind already. James tried to open his mouth but his tears came out first before he could say anything. He was in love with Ivy but why did he just realize it only when things are complicated already. “I…I don’t want.” He said between his sobs.

He was alone in their flat’s roof top. The cold breeze makes him shiver, it makes him feel like his heart was freezing—it even felt like it stopped beating.

“But this was for the best…I’m sorry James…I love you.” She whispered the last words, hoping that James was able to hear it. She immediately signed out before James could see her tears falling. Was it the end of it all?  Was it really her who said the final words or had she been possessed by a coward spirit?

She wanted to stay with James, distance wasn’t really the reason. Reality, that is. Their realities won’t ever fit. Ivy and James can’t see each other anymore for the reason that James must stay with his band and Ivy must stay as Hazel’s stylist and best friend. She chooses to stay with Hazel, setting aside her own happiness. It’s not like she can do anything. She knew from the very start that she and James were in two opposing groups that gave them no choice but to stay away from each other. She knows people will just try to destroy them and she doesn’t want to make things even more complicated.

She loves James so much, and she wants him to choose his dream, his singing career, over her. Maybe she can wait, no, not maybe, she could actually wait, if they’re really meant to be. But right now, being apart was what she thinks for the best.

She breathes heavily as her tears starts flooding, her face above her knees she’s hugging.

 “I love you too” Whilst on the other side of the world, James leant his body on the nearest wall and continued crying.

How can it be for the best when it seriously breaks his heart? No, not only his heart, but his entire being… his whole world. He felt so alone; a part of him doesn’t want the popularity that he had right now. All he wanted was to be a normal teenager and be able to show Ivy how they were supposed to be together. He feels like he doesn’t belong in this roof top, he wasn’t supposed to be just sitting there, crying, doing nothing. He needs to find a way to keep the girl he loves. He needs to do something but all he can do right now is to cry, to let out all the heavy emotions inside his chest. As though crying was the best medicine for him rather than laughing.

 

 

Hazel was just lying on her bed and quietly listening to her best friend talk with James. She felt so responsible with her best friend’s heart break, if not because of her and Edward’s situation then Ivy could freely continue the relationship she had with James.

The management is not letting Hazel see Edward anymore. She doesn’t know exactly the reason why she let that happen, why she’d agreed of not seeing Edward. How did her mouth was able to say “Okay, I won’t see him anymore” when her heart is screaming exactly the opposite of it?

 “You know you don’t have to do it…you can just simply leave me, you don’t have to be my stylist anymore and you could continue being together…” Hazel said sadly, sitting next to her best friend.

“Are you saying that I was wrong to choose you?” Ivy said calmly though her emotion rages the moment she heard Hazel’s words. She cannot fathom that Hazel would rather be left alone. That she was expecting that Ivy would just leave her for a boy. “Do you honestly believe that I would leave you just like that, you thought leaving my best friend alone was a simple thing to do?” asked Ivy, disbelievingly.

 “No… Of course not, I just felt so responsible for dragging you in this situation. You know how much I wanted you and James to be together I want you to be happy …” Hazel explained. “but I failed… this was all my fault.” she sighed.

“No… This is not your fault Haze.” her brows curled, comfort was felt on her words as her hands threaded Hazel’s hair. She sniffed and tried to stop from crying so her best friend won’t get affected but no matter how hard she tried, the pain keeps on going.

“But if only I controlled myself from spilling out all those information that night, then everything could have remained all good. The press won’t have to know about Edward’s situation and I won’t have to be restricted to see Edward…you and James could still have freedom to see each other. I’m sorry… I really am…” her flood gates finally opened.

“Ssssh… don’t say that. Everything’s gonna be fine, everything’s going to be alright…”Ivy looked at the ground as she oddly felt the need of saying those words to herself too.

They both cried, hugging and comforting each other. No words are said but they know how both of them are going to stay in each other’s side no matter what happens.

~

“Mate…” Edward plainly said as he gave James the bottle of beer on his other hand. He decided to join the lad at the side of the wide window.

He glanced at the Irish but the lad just remained leaning across the wall , holding his guitar and seemed like thinking about something really deep, his blue eyes seemed like searching something on the bussy streets of London.

“She broke up with me. She told me she’s not sure about us anymore” James suddenly stated. He feels like someone pulled his heart mercilessly, he never thought that a break up could seriously hurt him this way.

He slightly glanced at Edward. He’d like to have his own quiet time but he knows he also needs a friend he can lean on, someone who can listen to him.

Edward frowned “But…” he was out of words, he don’t know how to make James feel better because he knows he’s somehow the reason why Ivy broke up with James – or maybe his illness was the root of all of this.  His band mate looked so hurt and it was hard for Edward to see James like that. James was a carefree lad, you always see him smiling and just joking around things, but for the first time, he saw him in this state – looking so heartbroken. He realized that he’s not the only one suffering from this situation, he unintentionally drag everyone else around him.

“You know what, it’s funny to think that we entirely switched places.” James laughed dryly before he drinks his beer.

“What do you mean?” Edward inquired.

“The last time we were here, it was you who’s being broken hearted. Now, it’s me… I think it’s my turn to get drunk and cry in front of you mate.” He gulps his beer to the last drop.

“I … I don’t understand. What happened the last time?” Edward asked, confusion was all over his face.

Well of course Edward doesn’t remember anything , James thought. “I listened to you rant about how you miss Hazel so much for like twenty minutes, and you kept on saying how much you love her in different ways and how you won’t ever cheat on her. It was the time when the fans created some crazy rumors about you going out with someone else and Hazel almost believed it… You two had a fight over skype. You know, you wanted to fly to the US at once so you could explain to her everything but you can’t. You were stuck here in London because we had a concert the next day and the management can’t let you leave for New York…”

 

“Then?” Edward frowned, signaling James to continue.

“Then the next day…as soon as we finished our concert you jumped into the idea of booking your own flight and so you did. You booked a flight to New York without letting  the management know about it. Actually, it was only me and William who knew about you leaving.”

“That’s how crazy I am?”

“THAT’S how crazy you were when it comes to Hazel” James corrected, his voice got distant as if remembering something in the past.

Edward looked at his feet, trying to recollect any possible memory but he can’t . He is feeling the pain on his head again. He cannot believe that he was that crazy for Hazel before.

“And what happened next is that we sneaked out from our hotel room that night. William drove for us and we successfully arrived to the airport without anyone noticing it. The next day was a total chaos in the entire fandom of One Direction. The management needed to cancel our next concert in Manchester because of your absence and the people in New York were shocked, they cannot believe you were there. Pictures of you walking along the busy streets of NY spread quickly on twitter and the management found out that we knew everything about it, so they got us punished.”

“So even before, I always drag you into troubles” Edward said humorlessly.

James nodded; the lad seemed to forget about his own problem and smiled as he remembered everything that Edward did for Hazel. That’s the day Edward proved to the world how genuine his love was for Hazel. People concluded the relationship as a sham but Edward’s love for the girl destroyed all the rumors.

“Even before mate… but don’t blame yourself right now. None of us ever want you to get into that horrible accident. It may take a toll on everyone else but not as much with Hazel. She lost you mate, she lost the boy who could do such insane things for her, the boy who loves her more than anything else in the world” James said with a sigh, he began to realize his feelings for Ivy. It was as strong as how Edward felt for Hazel before; the only difference is that the situation is tougher now.

He can be as brave as Edward but being brave isn’t the only requirement now. Being careful is another and a lot of things followed. How he wish the press would just leave them alone and let them live their own lives.

There was a complete silence between them, both thinking of different things. Edward thought, if he already did such crazy things for the girl before then maybe he could do it again. The small hope in his heart kept on increasing. There must be a way to solve this problem. He must remember about the girl and he must put back the smile on the Irish mate’s face.

Love is a matter of fighting for the one you love. Was it really kept inside your heart like something tangible? The answer is NO, love is a feeling -feelings aren’t tangible. Therefore, love wasn’t literally kept, it was felt. But what if you forgot the feelings? How can you fight for it?

How can Edward fight for Hazel when he forgot the most important requirement in fighting? The feeling - the love. The thing that could make him surpass all the challenges.

It was hard, but she had accepted the fact that Edward won’t ever, by any chance, remember about her. Edward used to find a way to solve anything when it comes to saving their relationship back then, but right now the lad seemed doing nothing, nothing at all.

Why would he do things like before when he can’t even remember anything about you? HE CAN’T REMEMEBER YOU HAZEL, HE CAN’T! And maybe he even had forgotten about how he was supposed to remember you! Or maybe he doesn’t even bother remembering about you. She mentally shouted at herself.

Let go. Move on. Accept.

That was what her wise-self was telling her to do.

But deep down, inside her heart, her vulnerable-self, the one who’s deeply in love with an ill boy had the feeling of unending love. She can’t just stop what she feels, she was in love and it was indeed inevitable.

She knew about this, the doctor warned them the worst thing that could happen – the possibility of Edward to completely forget about her, all the important things especially those that gave the most impact in his life.

She wished she could just put all the blame to the doctor for not warning the most important thing. That it hurts more if she tried to build a big room for her hopes to live in than to just accept everything from the very beginning. But she knew no one has to be blamed, it was all her fault. She never loosed hope. She thought she knew better. She firmly believes that in love nothing is impossible. But that’s just what she thought because she always ended up watching all her hopes hopped out the window. She doesn’t know how she endured the pain of watching Edward forget about her and everything they had. She doesn’t know how she’d kept fighting for the past five months only to end up having no clue on how to be something he miss.

“But now I’ll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes…and I don’t know how to be something you miss…” the music kept on playing but she stopped from singing. The audio guys signaled something and requested for a break. They all knew Hazel needs it. Ivy approached Hazel on the stage giving her a bottle of water. Hazel heard her best friend asked if she was okay but her mouth wasn’t able to formulate words. Answering she's okay would be such a big lie.

The people around her remained blurry, flashbacks of Edward’s memories kept on flashing.

Maybe she hasn’t really accepted the truth. She doesn’t really like the idea of letting him go.

 

~

 

Days have passed; their usual life just went on – Practice, promotions and some small performances on TV programs. Edward and James are starting to get tired of the routine, the fans are starting notice their gloomy state during interviews and they know they can’t hide their situation forever. They can’t pretend to be fine anymore, all they want is to go to the US and talk personally to Hazel and Ivy. They once tried to convince the management to let them go even for Hazel’s album launch but they didn’t succeed. So they thought of something else… something that they could do that no one can stop them. TWITTER!!!

They asked help through their fans to have a protest over twitter. They sent direct messages to each and every fan based accounts they follow. They told everyone about the plan and pretended that they don’t know about it. The topics trended worldwide, whilst they pretended that they don’t know why  the fans are tweeting such things. They only talk to them in personal messages so the management won’t discover that it was their plan.

“@IloveOnedirection: @OneDirection management please let the boys  attend @HazelSwift ‘s album launch!

“@JamesAddict: We want to see @OneDirection on @HazelSwift ‘s album launch! Please let them go to NY.

“@EdwardAndHazelForLife: @OneDirection especially @Edward_Styles seriously needed to be there at Hazel’s album launch!

“@OneDirectionUpdatessss: @Edward_Styles and @HazelSwift needs to get back together! Don’t be rude, management! Let them be happy!!!

“@EdJaWilLee_Jav1D: RT this if you want @Edward_Styles and @HazelSwift be back in each other’s arms…

“@AnnaLovesJavaad: Give @Edward_Styles a chance to see @HazelSwift… @OneDirection management! Please hear us!!

“@WeSupportHazAndEd: Go go go! @Edward_Styles go to NY for @HazelSwift!!!

 

The five of them scrolled their twitter pages on their phone, smiling devilishly at the back of their mind. The plan is working…they hold on to that little chance that their fans would support them with this.

~

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